I am proud.

I am proud…

…that I didn’t cower and revert to shyness, and faced tables of people, sitting down and talking with coworkers and folks I don’t see on a regular basis.

…that I talked to those that can be pretty intimidating ..including executives, C-level, VP, directors, and held my own. Talked the talk, walked the walk, and even talked all things barre, running and teaching 😉

…that I chose wisely at every meal. Chose fueling options, like a salmon burger loaded with veggies and salad and no empty calorie bun that probably wouldn’t have tasted good anyway, or an apple with peanut butter vs. the oatmeal and chocolate cookies set out during coffee breaks. That I chose normally.

…that I didn’t duck out of cocktail hours and after-dinner socials, even though my boss (my security blanket, let’s face it!) left early. And stood my own. Chatted, laughed, got to know coworkers more. 

…that I got some fabulous runs in, and that my knee was strong and happy, and I didn’t push it, but ran happy and admittedly  relieved.

…that while I did need to shift my focus a bit, it wasn’t *that* hard to do, or as hard as I thought it would be.

I am proud of me…again, my third sales conference for my company, and probably my most social, outgoing, and confident experience. This is me saying it proud: go me. I think I deserved that 😉

This week has been proof positive that once again, stepping out of your comfort zone really does lead to change, growth, and confidence.

And now I shall rest up a little bit more on this much-needed break, and then head into my last dinner and social hour before I pack it up and head home tomorrow. One more workout, a much needed ‘me’ meal, alone, decompressing, needed, after several days of hundreds of people everywhere (quite the switch for me, my little work from home niche I love so much!). And then a flight home with Meaghan, my ‘kindred,’ how fabulous is that?

Cheers, friends, and thank you for always supporting and always believing in me. XO!

Quietly.

Quiet…

Quietly contemplative. 

About my (fitness) journey and feeling on the cusp of change and growth..as I face PT for my bum knee (that – side note – plays mind games with me because it feels a-ok all the time…except when I run, making me think it’s not injured. #mindgameslikewhoa), knowing I may be on a bit of a hiatus from running and what that’ll mean when I can get back to it. How can I head into it stronger? How can I use this time wisely, to cross train, to strengthen, and, begrudginly, to rest. In a way, it excites me to think of facing running stronger and more focused than ever. I have some ideas on how I envision it, and how I plan to make that a reality. Stronger, better, happier running? Yes, please.

Quietly confident. 

As I gazed in the mirror during a fabulous day o’ beauty with my sis Jess, and I looked at the jeans I was wearing (in the smallest size I’ve ever worn) and in a tank that I used to shy away from, more fitted, less forgiving, I smiled quietly to myself. It feels good to well, feel good. 

As I faced an evening where there would be some ‘trigger’ foods or environment where I might fear overdoing it. Yet, I didn’t. I felt good, satisfied, and not stuffed.

As I walk into the barre n9ne studio, among my fellow instructors for a photo shoot (pictures to come! can’t wait to share some!), where comparision-itis could set in…yet, didn’t. Because I realized – we all have our strengths. We are unique in our own ways. Don’t wish for something you aren’t or won’t be, embrace who you are, instead.

As I realize I don’t need to shout it from the rooftops or be front and center. I don’t need attention. I am just…quietly confident. It suits me. It is who I am. 

Quietly inspired(ing). 

By my family, by my sisters, by M. They inspire me each and every day. With an act, a statement, or something they are going through.

And inspiring…in my own way. Without even realizing it. And when I finally do? Inspired right back, by paying it forward, in this happy, fit life.

I’m feeling quiet today…but in the most inspired, contemplative and confident way. Not sure how else to explain it, but it’s just a good feeling. It’s BEing. Really and truly.

Happy Sunday, friends. Cheers.

To 2013: the year of BE.

2013.

The year of BE.

When Lindsay first told me she thought my year would revolve around ‘BE,’ I didn’t quite ‘get’ how that could apply to this new year we face. But as I have thought more about it, it is so clear. It is the year of BE.

In 2013…I vow to:

BE still. 

I’ve embarked on a mission to do less, live more. Balance. Prioritize. Say no. Dont overplan. But the one piece missing is the ability to BE still. Just be. Don’t DO anything. Don’t HURRY through life. As I read this passage from Proverbes 31, I realized THIS is what I want: Eliminating hurry from my life took years of hard work. I had to choose to walk and talk slower. I had to eliminate responsibilities from my life, and plan ahead. Most importantly, I had to deal with the hidden issues that motivated me to hurry.

2013: the year I learn how to BE still.

BElieve in myself.

I need to keep this on my list as something I focus on in 2013, because I have clearly slid back here and there in being my own friend, and trusting my abilities, valuing my body and its strength, and seeing past what I may nitpick as my downfalls. This also goes for running. I vow this year will be the year I push past my comfort zone and fear of failure, fear of bad runs, and love/hate relationship with running that plagues me. I am hoping this girl can help me, but that ultimately, I can get out of my head and officially LOVE running through and through.

2013: the year I BElieve in myself.

BEcome a wife (and BE a good one!).

In 2013, M and I will marry, continuing our story, for the rest of our lives. I couldn’t feel more content, happy, and confident that this time…this time is far different. This time, I marry with intent, I love with intent and push complacency away, because truthfully, if I have learned anything, it’s that complacency is truly what unravels a marriage: There is a delicate nature to marriage. It’s so easy to forget that. It’s so easy to take it all for granted and stop being careful. Stop being mindful. Stop being protective.,

2013: I vow to M, to be a present, mindful, loving, intentful wife. As we blend our lives together, forever. 

~~

I could take this notion of ‘be’ in so many directions, and the above sentiments are such universal truths in a sense. If you were to take this notion of ‘be’ – what would you vow to do in 2013? Really think about it….there are limitless possibilities.

I intentionally didn’t include any fitness or work goals in here, because I think those will come in time and naturally. I don’t need a fixed goal as my motivation…the above ‘goals’ are really what i feel what will keep me in check, motivated, and ultimately, a better friend, daughter, sister, aunt and (almost) wife. 

~~

Cheers…to 2013 and the year of BE!

More than just a graduation.

This weekend, M graduated. For the fourth (!) and final time. Two bachelor’s degrees, one master’s and now a doctorate later, and M is done, accomplishing something very few ever do, and I couldn’t have been prouder of him walking across that stage getting his degree.

It was the first time I’d truly seen such pride in his face. For once, basking in it, rather than brushing it off, or just going through the motions towards that finish line to get.it.done.

And while I wish I had known him throughout this entire process, seeing him through perhaps the toughest part of his degree, supporting him the best that I possibly could, and throwing him one hell of a party, makes me feel so blessed and fortunate to be a part of his life now, meeting him at such a pivotal time, for him, but also for me.

Because, you see, his graduation day also marked my one year barre n9ne 60 day challenge barre-o-versary. During a weekend of celebration, it was a weekend where I felt as though everything in my life had fallen into place exactly where I wanted, for the very first time. From my life, to my love, to my body.

And when I asked M if he were to make a speech, what he would say, he said ‘I would look around at my friends, my family, and you, and say that three years ago when I started on this journey, I never imagined the people around this table would be around this table today, but I couldn’t be happier.’ 

I couldn’t agree more. 

For him, through a marriage ending in divorce mid-way through his degree, to finding each other, at the exact right time in our lives, and for me, walking into barre n9ne a year ago, never expecting to experience a complete and utter transformation from mind, body, and soul, just as I feel the last three years of my life, in parallel to M’s has been. Full of complete change, struggle, sadness and pain, to strength, confidence, happiness and love.

This weekend, it was more than a graduation. It was the culmination of the last three years of our lives, so gently meeting at the same intersection, together. As it were meant to be. 

And if this picture doesn’t capture the essence of the weekend, and this culmination, I don’t know what does. As a friend on Facebook noted,: ‘you’ll look so content and happy and totally blissed out.” And she was right. ❤

~~

I don’t normally cross-post to M’s blog, but he wrote a post that made me speechless. It really speaks to his journey from here until now, and if you have the time, please give it a read. Congratulations, love, you are amazing.

~~

As for the 60 day challenge barre-o-versary, there is more to come, including a before and after picture. But this post just felt like the essence of what I was feeling and thus, the before and after can wait 😉

Think, Act, Play, Be…Different.

The theme of this week’s sales conference has been all about being different…think different, play different, BE different.

It was written around the lanyard around my neck with my nametag. It was flashed on-screen in a snazzy logo for the week’s sessions, and it was exactly how I felt from the first step into dinner the first night.

Different.

I felt different. Better. Happier. Confident. Not intimidated.

I felt different because I belonged. Because I am part of this team. And because I have made a difference.

I felt different because when I introduced myself to people, they instantly knew who I was, they remembered my name, had seen what I’ve done for social media and as part of the corporate comms team, and simply being recognized…felt incredible.

To be asked to meet up for drinks with some of my team and a) not being scared or saying no and b) enjoying every minute of it, laughing, joking, engaging in conversation with everyone, made me feel so incredibly good. I belong here. I am part of this team. And I daresay I am making friends and I didn’t even realize I had.

I felt different also because I look different. And people noticed. I think partially because maybe I carried myself differently this week than this time last year, but also in the physical changes. My boss’s boss (my interim boss while she was on maternity leave, as you may recall) again said how good I looked and how proud I should be of the changes I have made. Another coworker asked what I’d been doing and said I’d totally ‘leaned out’ since last year (and this comes from a guy that has 2% body fat and is a fitness fiend!), and another that said I was ‘all muscle.’ Um wow, thank you…that too felt different. In that I accepted the compliments and felt proud of them.

And the funniest part of the week, hands down, had to be when the SVP of worldwide sales (aka hello big wig!) said at the opening remarks at day two of the conference in front of the global sales and marketing team ‘and this morning, at the gym, I ran next to Jolene and if I thought so-and-so [removing name for anonymity] kicked my ass, I was wrong. Jolene kicked my ass this morning on the treadmill!! (I am partially glad the room was dark as my face went beet red…even though I was at the same time, incredibly proud of that moment – thank you interval day! – it was definitely the funniest and one of the most memorable of the week! Even though I felt like a sweaty, gross mess running next to him that morning…it paid off!)

In a nutshell, this week was confirmation that the past year of hard work, dedication and focus, in my job and in my personal fitness journey has completely paid off. And it confirmed that I do have a game face, I can convey confidence and I am kicking that self-doubt that plagued me last year, and even just a few days ago.

Think…Act…Play…Be…Different.