Tag Archives: patience

Lessons in patience…and pausing.

One of the biggest things I noticed during my LASEK recovery and what felt like the never-ending recovery was how little patience and ability to slow the hell down I really have in me. For as much as I talk about it, for as much as I try to do it, to slow down, to be more patient, to just BE, I felt like I was ramming my head against a brick wall every single day.

(BTW I’m at 20/40, folks!! Should be 20/20 by my next appointment in less than two weeks, if not already. Can I get a big woohoo on that?! 20/40 *feels* like 20/20 right now, since I don’t think I have ever seen crisply even with a prescription, so 20/20 should blow my ever-living mind…side note).

It was a huge shock – why, I am not sure, I kind of knew I was semi-impatient before (LOL) – at just how much I railed against allowing the process, embracing un-routine and just going with the flow. I know that I just generally am not that good at going with the flow and while I am working on that area, I know I will never be one of those people that truly *is* a go with the flow-er (yes, I just made up a word…), and just want to get better at it, than trying for ‘my way or the highway’ all the time.

So, I’ve vowed to take a step back. To pause, think, reset, and let patience settle in, which then, does help me roll with things a little bit more than I have in the past.

An example? My in-laws – who are fantastic, by the way, and just the nicest, most caring, giving people I have ever met – are the type that ‘just stop by’ unannounced. I am completely and utterly unprepared for the ‘drop in’ visit. I like to plan. I like to be prepared. I like to be a good hostess. So when a ‘drop by’ happens, I tend to freak out. Like, a lot. And M doesn’t understand why. He doesn’t consider them ‘company’ as they are his parents, of course, but to me, anyone that comes over is ‘company’ in the sense that I want to be prepared, presentable, and ready for anyone that may stop by.

But it is something I realize I need to roll with more. Because it is their nature. And quite frankly, it is a good quality, and a caring one.

So when this past Monday, they came by, three hours ahead of our planned visit and dinner, I started to freak out. I was about to get frustrated. I was about to run around in a tizzy ‘preparing.’ But instead, I took a step back, I took a breath, and calmed down. Like, seriously, is it really the worst thing in the world that my in-laws, who care for me and me for them, came by early? No. Not in the slightest. So, I used it as a chance to learn to ‘host’ while preparing for dinner. Chatting and multi-tasking. And you know what? It turned out to be a really good visit and dinner and I am glad I didn’t ruin it for myself, for M, or for my in-laws by stewing in frustration inside.

All I can do is try to keep making subtle changes, and choose to react differently. Choose to not react instantly, but to pause first, then think/act/speak.

And along with this goal? This sentiment…don’t try to be perfect, just try to be better than yesterday. Yes, a million times yes. 

893fc34cfe57bd3ace81d3ac5aeff40d

On the knee, (im)patience, and perspective.

So, remember that knee pain I mentioned a couple of weeks ago?

Yeah, that.

Well, in the last 3+ weeks, I have run a total of TWICE and both of those runs ended less than 15 mins in, because of aforementioned knee pain (and, more specifically, IT band pain, on the right side of my knee).

Sigh.

I had diligently taken almost two weeks off from running to rest it (note: this problem ONLY occurs when I run and only after I have run for at least 10-15 mins. Not when I walk. Not when I teach or take barre n9ne classes and not when I do non-impact things, like spinning. Thank God for that!) and attempted another run last weekend. I – for once – happily hopped on that treadmill and was almost giddy to be running again (not that two weeks is a LONG time not to run, but it felt far longer!). My legs were happy. My breathing was actually okay, despite still recovering from a cold, then, bam. Pain. So bad that I literally had to stop completely. There was no pushing through it (not that THAT would have been smart anyway!).

After much hemming and hawing (lol – insert my dramatic overthinking brain here!), and discussing with a few ‘blends’ (blog friends at their finest!) – Meaghan and Naomi, to name a few (Naomi wrote an awesome post on IT Band Syndrome – which is what I think I may have, just today), I begrudgingly made a doctor’s appointment in hopes of a prescription for a physical therapist. That appointment was today. And I again tested my knee for two reasons – a half-hearted last-ditch ‘maybe it went away’ effort and also to *make* it hurt again so I could accurately show the doctor where the pain is (seemed logical to me, perhaps not). Again, I hopped on happily and ran happy, for all of 13 mins before the pain occurred yet again. To my surprise (no really, I had convinced myself it had gone away since it literally does not hurt ever otherwise!). Sad face.

Long story short, I now sit here with a prescription for a PT for 2-3 days a week for a month. I have never been injured. Luckily. Happily. I have typically been a smart runner, adding mileage gradually when I do add mileage, spacing out my runs, not running too much too soon etc., so to have something happen that now inhibits my running…kinda sucks.

Okay, it sucks a lot. And it makes me realize how impatient I am at injury resolution. And waiting. And patience, generally.

It’s also a massive dose of perspective to eat my words a little bit. To all of those friends I have supported and provided words of hope when they had to stop running…‘your body will remember,’ ‘no, you won’t get fat from NOT running,’ ‘you can do other cardio in the meantime, at least, that’s good!’ ‘our bodies need a break sometimes too.’

Blah, blah, blah. YES, all of this is true. YES, all of it is helpful to hear and believe in myself. But does it make it any easier to quell the run-games that go through my mind, anyway? Not really. I hate to even admit that, because I have tried so hard to quell my overthinking ways and to be kind to myself, but it is just a reminder that this is always going to be an area I need to continue to work on: self love and NOT diving head-first into the overthinking ‘rat hole’ as I like to call it.

What else does this little injury remind me? How much I actually LOVE running. Surprise, surprise. I tend to have a love-hate relationship with running sometimes, because it frustrates me when my breathing is off, or my legs are lead, or the run just doesn’t come to me. But now, in the absence of running, I realize how much I DO love it, despite those things. And how nothing truly compares to that feeling, cardio-wise.

But it also motivates me. To BE patient. To BE obedient (as a patient!). To stretch. To foam roll. To heal. 

I vow to use this time wisely. To explore other cross training options, like spinning (which I do love!) and even hill intervals *but walking* to strengthen my hamstrings. And anything else I can think of.

So, I guess this is me, owning up to needing some perspective sometimes too, and kicking my own ass a little in allowing myself to get too down about it. Because at the end of the day, I am healthy, I am (mostly) able bodied, and I am happy. A little off time from running shouldn’t and won’t ruin that.

208995238927735118_fjz7KLqO_c

Practicing what I preach: universal truths

It’s been one of those weeks where I’ve felt a bit of an internal struggle of practicing what I preach, not because I am being a hypocrite, but because I am human. And because there are things I have experienced this week in particular, that have made me question a few things I’m calling my ‘universal truths.’

Patience is a virtue. 

Also known as: rest your knee, it hurts. Backing up, on Christmas Eve, I convinced M to run outside with me in 30 degree weather at 7:30 am, after I taught at barre n9ne studio. I was excited to run outside even if bundled up, to breathe fresh air as I ran, not rank gym air. A mile in, knee pain set in. Mild at first. Then fierce. Like whoa. To the point that I had to stop. And walk. And limp. The walk back home was brutal. The wind cut through our bones, M refused to keep running without me (reason #6784 why I love him so!) so we walked. Slowly. I tried to run again. Two steps, stopped. Pain. Walking up the stairs and back down them four times that day to various holiday celebrations was nearly impossible.

Fast forward to today. The last few days of resting my knee (the outside of my knee is where it hurt) has done wonders. But my internal battle with myself – ‘it feels better today, I could run.’ ‘I want to run, I am missing cardio!’ ‘I want to run, now I know in a small way what injured runners feel like’

Bam. Patience. Overrides stubbornness. I still haven’t run. IF it feels better tomorrow, I will, but if not? I am going to roll with it and rest.my.knee. Patience is a virtue. Embrace it.

Be kind to yourself.

I’ll be honest and say that I’ve had a rough week self-image wise. I’ve let my overthinking take over, something I’ve worked so hard to quell and really control almost to non-existence. Maybe it has a titch to do with the aforementioned want-to-run-but-I-can’t urge. Maybe it has to do with allowing myself to indulge in the huge-ass cinnamon roll sex-in-your-mouth ‘dessert’ on Christmas Day (worth it, however, WORTH IT! Commit to the treat!!). And maybe it has to do with the fact that this is an ongoing journey, with no end game. And I still need to keep my mind and habits in check now and again.

This is me reminding myself to be kind to myself, treat myself as a friend, not an enemy. 

Faith in humanity.

198651033533305479_ReWG0Zr8_cSometimes things happen when you just lose faith in humanity. Sometimes it’s for awhile, sometimes it’s for a split second. Today has been one of those days. But then? I look around and get re-inspired by all those good in the world, those that pay it forward, those that spread their love, faith, passion and commitment  And I realize that one flash in the pan of lost faith in humanity  is just that – one flash in the pan – compared to all the countless good souls in this world that do so much GOOD to so many.

This is me reminding myself to not dwell on the bad, to channel that energy and pay it forward. Spread the love, the passion, the GOOD. And don’t waste a second thought on the negative. 

Happy weekend friends. Make it a good one, ok? Cheers!

 

Of learning patience, lobster rolls, major tannage, and thunder, like whoa.

Maine was utter bliss this weekend. The weather was absolutely fan-frickin-tastic and it was wonderful to share Maine in all of its glory with M. Finally.

Sure, we didn’t get there at 5 like I wanted. Sure, M was running late at work and as hard as I tried not to get frustrated that we weren’t on the road until 5, it still showed.  I couldn’t mask it, nor did I want to or feel I should. I just said ‘yes, I am frustrated that you are here later than I thought. But it’s not your fault, nothing you could have done to change that, your job is your job and sometimes you end up running late.’

We drove in silence for a bit, as I shook off the annoyance (as did M, who was just as annoyed at the circuitous day he had, though hoping for a simpler one). Then M mentioned that he diagnosed a patient with leukemia this afternoon. Wow. All that frustration I was carrying over his being late? Melted away into me feeling like a complete ass. (not his intention for sharing that detail with me, but to share that his boss gave him kudos for the work he did diagnosing it). This is an area I continue to work on – patience – with his job and knowing that sometimes, it just has to take precedence.

Anyway.

Despite that rough start? The rest of the 24 hours in Maine was filled with the best lobster roll ever (at least since last summer! Heh. And of course I found a way to fit that sucker into my food log!), surprising my grandparents with the visit (the look on their faces was wonderful, so happy to see us), a quiet evening drinking a glass of wine with my sister and brother in law – complete with the loudest thunderclap I have ever heard. Swear to God, I had a minor heart attack), and major lake time on Saturday.

Tannage, like whoa.

…makes me happy, like whoa.

Unfortunately, we had to drive back Saturday afternoon for a wedding (another one!) and didn’t get to spend the entire weekend up there. However, the next two weekends? Maine. Completely. (with one being a four day weekend for M and me, mini vaca style!).

The best part about Maine? How slow time goes. That 24 hours felt like 48. Another great thing about Maine? Stress, worry, and the day-to-day mundane melt away into utter summer bliss.

Cheers friends…off to enjoy the rest of a beautiful, top 10 weather weekend with one hot man. 😉

Done, son.

*breathing sigh of relief*

It’s over.

And it wasn’t nearly as bad as I was envisioning.

Even though I got up at 4:15 panicking about missing my flight to San Francisco.

Even though the second meeting of the day got canceled (glad it wasn’t the first!).

Even though we had lots of extra time between meetings and lunch to kill (my fear was a lot of dead silence and awkwardness, but notsomuch!).

I did it.

And I feel a mixture of relief, pride, and increased courage.

As IntrigueMe would say..”.it’s in the bag, baby!”

The one downside?

The huge ass downside?

I’ve been sitting in the airport since 1 pm trying to get on a 4 pm (PT) standby flight.

Only to miss it by ONE SEAT.

And thus have to wait another 3.5 HOURS until my originally scheduled flight at 7:30 (PT).

I might go insane sitting here for that long. If I had sneakers, I’d run around the airport. If I had yoga pants, I’d put them on. But alas, no such luck. All I have is my laptop, my new Coach laptop bag (reinbursed through work no less, and it’s super duper cute, gotta say), and a lot of time.

Guess there are worse things.

But the best part is…it’s done, son! And I feel a hell of a lot better. Thank you for all of your encouragement here, and for those that know me IRL, on Facebook, Twitter, emails, and texts. You are the best. ((HUGS))