Tag Archives: milestones

On reminiscing, milestones, and gratitude.

As we head into Thanksgiving, I love reading friends’ blogs, Facebook, and instagram posts about giving thanks, and gratitude and pending excitement over the kick off to the holiday season, but I tend not to write posts during this time of year about what I am thankful for…partially in line with a post Lindsay wrote once, about being thankful daily, not just once a year (so true!).

But as I looked through some past posts I  had written about the holidays, I realized something. Thanksgiving has been a hugely symbolic part of my journey, starting five years ago, to today.

Five years ago was my first Thanksgiving alone. It was a very raw and emotional time as my separation was just weeks prior, and as hard as it was, having my sister Jen by my side that day made all the difference in the world, and was probably one of the most selfless things she could have done for me that day, and to this day, those memories sit in my heart warmly and is a time I will never forget.

Four years ago was my first Thanksgiving (and set of holidays) that I truly and 100% looked forward to. I adored being able to take these holidays as MINE and to go whereever I wanted, spend time with family that cared about me, and not have to split my time with an in-law side that, well, didn’t like me. They lived two states away, which meant entirely splitting up holidays every other year, and not being able to see my family on Thanksgiving or Christmas, every year. So, to have a blank slate and be able to spend the holidays my way felt like a rare treat.

Three years ago, I was welcomed into M’s family, for the first time. I spent Thanksgiving evening with his family, meeting many of them for the first time. And it was then that I realized my relationship with M was special. If only I know where we’d be three years later…

Two years ago, we spent Thanksgiving together, with my family and M’s family, for the first time. We were living together, and it was our first year to celebrate the holidays in our own place, starting new traditions, and sharing in every moment together.

This year? Wow. We own our first house together. We are married (! I still love saying that, and calling him my husband, and can’t believe it’s only been 5 months!). And we will host our families together, for the very first time. I plan to soak in every minute, amid the chaos and hustle and bustle of hosting a big crowd for Thanksgiving, but I couldn’t be more thankful or more happy at where my life – our lives – are now. As our story continues.

Cheers, and to those that celebrate, happy Thanksgiving!

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5 Years and 6,000 Miles.

5 years ago and 6,000 miles away…I got married.

And today? Well, today, I am nowhere near where I thought I would be on this day, 5 years later. In truth, this date sort of snuck up on me (the date ‘sounded familiar’ and I wasn’t really sure why), and in truth, the ‘milestone’ itself is insignificant to me now, 5 years later. And let me tell you why.

Simply, it just isn’t.

One of my best friends (who is also divorced, but also now remarried and about to have a baby. Talk about full circle, right? Incredible.) told me early on (as she was sort of still fresh from her own divorce at the time): ‘those anniversaries, those milestones and memories…they fade with each year, until you no longer remember them or their significance.” And she was right.  Eventually, you don’t get a lump in your throat when you see the date appear on the calendar. Eventually, you don’t get the urge to text, email or call them on said anniversaries…to commiserate, or just to say hello. Eventually, you don’t see your life in that light anymore because you aren’t living a post-divorce life, you are just living life.

Eventually…you move on. 

But at the same time, I can’t help but use this date as a way to do a little retrospective on the then vs. the now. Because it is just such a different life. It is a blessed, full, happy life that I don’t quite think I’d ever have reached if I were still married to my ex-husband. I don’t know that I ever would have saw it that way either. Never mind ‘not seeing the forest from the trees,’ I wasn’t even seeing the trees in the forest.

Then…I loved immaturely. We were young when we fell in love, and quite honestly, that’s where our love stayed. The love we fostered at age 19 and 20.

Now…I love deeply, with my entire being. The love I feel for M starts from the tips of my toes all the way through to the strands in my hair. It is radiating.

Then…I followed. I reacted, but didn’t act. I smiled, but didn’t speak.

Now…I lead. I try new things, I take chances. I do things that scare me.

Then…I agreed. I went with the flow. I didn’t make waves.

Now…I confront when I need to. I speak my opinions. I question.

Then…I lived.

Now…I live an amplified life.

5 years and 6,000 miles…“I hope you never look back, but you never forget…I hope you always forgive, and you never regret ”

And, the countdown begins…

12 weeks until M and I officially move in together!

Wow, that was fast.

The process went faster than we thought and the apartment we fell in love with, which is just a short distance from his apartment now (and a beautiful area, I might add), so we went for it. Even though my lease isn’t up until mid-September and even though his lease isn’t up until November 1.

We are moving in together on August 29.

About a week before one year since our first date.

When I look at where we are now, and where we started that warm September evening, it feels so natural, so right, so perfect, words cannot describe.  I have so many emotions flying through my brain right now, it’s hard to articulate it all, so I’ll keep it simple.

I’m going to cherish the last two months living on my own. It’s been an experience I wouldn’t trade for the world. To know that I can live on my own and LOVE it is such an accomplishment coming from this former-hate-being-alone-er.

I’m going to look forward to the next chapter in my relationship with M, the phase where I know there will be tricky times, happy times and emotional times. But I know we’ll get through it because we are good at communicating and working together. He always says ‘we’re a team, babe. we can do this, we can do anything.’ and when he says that, I believe him with all of my heart.

I’m going to look forward to living in luxury for awhile, legit. My apartment is pretty nice now, but this one? Yeah, it blows it out of the water. Top floor unit, overlooking a golf course. Fireplace. 9 foot ceilings, brand new everything. Two bedrooms, THREE walk-in closets and several more closets. A gym thisclose to the apartment, and a pool. Yeah, I can get used to this for awhile.

Amazing what you can accomplish when you’re with someone that is as driven as you (or more driven!), as focused and as willing to go the extra mile to make life happen, isn’t it?

12 weeks and a whole lotta awesome in between count the ways, here!).

Happy weekend friends. Enjoy the shit out of it, mmk? 😉

I made it.

I made it.

I’m back from Vegas in one piece.

And to be honest, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. (I’m sure you’re all shaking your heads at me, thinking ‘see!’)

But I made it.

…when I pushed down the fear over empty space, striking up conversations even though I really just wanted to go hide. When I realized that hey, these are mostly my coworkers, just get to know them more, have a conversation, it will be okay, I felt better. It eased up, my anxiety went down.

…when a couple of people said – in front of my boss – how well I’m doing and that everyone likes to work with me. And my boss reiterated that we ‘haven’t missed a beat’ since K has been on leave.

…when, at the awards dinner I had to go to with my boss, he jokingly said ‘I accepted the first two, if we win a third, you’re going up there!” I joked back, thinking he was kidding. But wouldn’t you know, we won another award and he said ‘okay, go up there!” and I said ‘you’re kidding, right?” Um, nope. So, up I went, accepted the award, got my picture taken and had to say a few words in front of the room (1oo or so?). Honestly felt like an out-of-body experience because um, if I KNEW I had to go up there, I’d have honestly been way more nervous. But I didn’t even have time to think. I just reacted.

…did I mention I even passed up wine this week? I didn’t even have any ‘liquid courage’ to accept that award. Um, I gotta say, even I’m impressed with myself on that one 😉

…when I stuck to my food diary and only once went over my calories a bit (hard to eat out and count calories)…but given I realized now that I only had ONE real meal and the rest were snacks or quick things (like only oatmeal, until dinner!). Note to self: pack more snacks next time (even though I had several, I ran out quickly).

I made it.

I got through it. (including a flight reschedule to get home earlier and avoid the red-eye…which then ended up having an almost two hour delay for a reroute due to weather in the midwest, which meant I landed at JFK at the time my connection was taking off…the very last flight to Boston last night. I was freaking out, sweating and scared that I’d have to spend the night in NYC and then take a flight home this morning. But they held the flight just long enough for me to trample through people to get to my flight just as they closed the doors).

This week felt like this was the culmination of my ‘second wave’ interview as I like to call it, first, with the launch last week and then these events in Vegas this week. I’m exhausted. My brain is mush. But I did it. I’m home and I’m so glad that’s over with (all downhill from here…right?!).

I made it.

Milestones.

It’s been one month since my first day at my new job.

And I feel incredible.

I couldn’t even find a good quote for today, nothing compares to just that one word.

INCREDIBLE.

Today was a milestone for me as it marked the first month in more than 8 years that I have truly loved my job. Every day. As scary as some days have been, I’ve faced it, embraced it, and conquered it.

I guess ‘faking it till you make it’ isn’t so hard after all.

My quick post for this evening…and I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. Make the most of it, ya hear?

Cheers!