A day of silver linings.

Yesterday was full of silver linings and I would be remiss if I did not share them…in an effort to steer away from stealing my own joy, here is my attempt at capturing that joy *back* and seeing the big things disguised in the little things.

Silver linings…

…when you last minute have to go to NYC for all of oh, 12 hours, airport-to-airport, and a chance meeting with a ‘blend’ comes to fruition.

getting a chance to FINALLY meet Christine yesterday was amazing. I was so touched that she pretty much MADE our meeting happen, on short notice, and battling through quite the cold day to see me at the hotel I was at in midtown NYC.  In talking about life, her yoga training (yay!), barre n9ne, the holidays, work, and everything in between, it was just what I needed to get through a trying trip.

…when all else fails at getting you to get past the fact that this trip on principle was the stupidest idea ever, you actually have a better than expected trip to NYC.

and an EARLIER flight! That never happens! I was able to finagle my way on to a flight FOUR hours before my intended flight, getting me home basically at the time my other flight would have taken off.

…as much as you don’t want to admit that going on this trip might be a saving grace in the employment department, in a time where the future is uncertain, putting the effort in was – begrudgingly – worth it.

This meeting with the CEO was important, I just didn’t want to go, on sheer principle that it was for less than an HOUR. But it went well, it gave me a chance to talk to him more 1:1 and there are far worse – and farther – places I could have been sent. A 45 min flight is not the end of the world.

…and finally, when you get home, and there is a smiling face greeting you at the door, as M came home early that day, unexpectedly, dinner made, errands run (for me!).

It was all I needed and all I wanted after saying goodbye to him that morning at 5:30 am. That, and my head hitting the pillow at 8:45 pm. Yup, I went to bed *that* early and felt like a million bucks this morning, giddily off to teach my 6 am class that I so badly missed the morning prior 😉

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Sometimes, an exercise in silver linings is all it takes to turn a situation around, turn a negative into a positive, and bottom line, shake the negative out of your brain and realize that really, life is not so bad, now is it? One long a$$ day to NYC will be long forgotten by the weekend, and in the name of experience and life opportunities, it was worth doing. And let’s be honest, I have a job, that is a huge silver lining in itself, now isn’t it? I am feeling sheepishly grateful today, and glad to put my negativity over yesterday behind me.

Your turn…think about a situation recently and how you turned it around, I bet you’ll find some silver linings that made it all worthwhile.

 

a FULL life.

Right now, my life feels so FULL.

In SO MANY good ways. SO many.

And I will NEVER lose sight of that, or how blessed I am <–just in case it wasn’t clear already by my gushy posts of late 😉

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But right now, when I say full, I mean, full, like WHOA, full. 

As in, somuchhappeninginthenexttwomonthswhatshouldidofirst….full.

Let’s just lay it out there so you can see what I mean, mmk?

4/20: POUND training! This is going to be super fabulous new class at barre n9ne, and I cannot wait to spend the day training for it, but it also means more work gearing up to learn, learn, learn before we launch!

4/25-4/28: Napa! A little jaunt to Napa with M, as he has a work conference to attend and *twist my arm* – any trip to wine country and I am THERE. It will be so fun to explore Napa  a bit together as we have typically stuck to Sonoma Valley/Healdsburg in years past, and a little trip away is good timing for a few days away from it all.

4/28-5/1: From Napa, we fly to LA and head up to my company where I will work Monday and Tuesday and FINALLY, after two years, get to show M where I work, meet some co-workers and show him around. AND to have him WITH me on  a ‘work trip’ is so awesome,  especially as it just so happens THIS girl and her sister will be in Long Beach the same weekend and we can finally all meet up (my second time meeting Heather, but my first meeting her fabulous sister!!).

5/7-5/9: Vegas. Yep, criss-crossing the country within LESS than a week to go to a conference for work. Erghh. Everyone thinks Vegas is awesome to go to for a work trip, but since I legit will be seeing the inside of an expo hall at Mandalay Bay for all of 36 hours, and then stepping into a cab and heading to the airport, I find it a titch difficult in seeing the glamour of it all. But I digress. It’s part of the gig and given I really DO like my job, I will go it, shift my focus and enjoy what I can, right??

5/30: We CLOSE on our house!! Yessss!! (and move two days later, June 1). BUT, approximately the same week? My boss goes on maternity leave for 12 weeks and that leaves ME with a shitton more to do covering for her and me for those months. Impeccable timing. Not. (once again, I will shift my focus, I will look at this as a huge learning opportunity once again, as this was why I was hired two years ago, to cover her leave, and step it up…so this time around should *hopefully* be a little less chaotic since I know what I am doing at this company now…for the most part…)

6/17: Fly BACK to LA/Costa Mesa for another work trip. Um yeahhhh. That’s like 6 criss-crosses across the country in less about a month and a half. Shift, shift, shift…

There you have it. My life? She be FULL. VERY full. So my plan to get ahead of the chaos is putting a moratorium on plans on weekends where I can in order to simplify my life as I head into one of the more hectic times of my life, and one of the most exciting, all at the very same time. 

I vow to shift my focus.

Sometimes, shifting my focus is harder than others. But as I have gotten the hang of it as I have needed to shift my focus and perspective at times, I am at a point where I want to make it a vow…to always shift my focus. Because when you do, it does wonders for the soul.

For example…

Instead of dreading my Sunday morning flight to the annual sales kick off for my company in Southern California, complaining that I *only* have one weekend day and will be sad to leave M….

I will shift my focus and embrace every minute of my abbreviated weekend, I will plan ahead, I will pack early, I will get settled so I can thoroughly enjoy what I do have. Teaching at barre n9ne (yay), seeing a few open houses (double yay!) and then a leisurely date night in dinner (triple yay – recreating the first meal M ever made for me!).

Instead of stressing over un-routine while away Sunday – Wednesday…

I will shift my focus and embrace it, plain and simple. There is nothing I can do to change it, so I will adjust, I will plan ahead, I will be normal, and I will go with the flow (something incredibly difficult for me but I am learning!!). I will also enjoy the 60 degree temperate jump (from the 1 degree it was here yesterday…) even though it will rain almost the whole time (shifting, shifting…)

Instead of complaining about having to travel for work…

I will shift my focus and give myself a huge dose of reality: this is my last work trip alone for the foreseeable future (M will be with me on my trip in April, yay!) and let’s be honest: I work from home. I have flexibility with my job (and it is a job I love!), and when I do travel, it’s to sunny, warm Orange County. Seriously right now?! Self: stop being lame.

Instead of wishing and wanting to run longer, farther, better…

I will shift my focus and realize that my IT band is getting stronger, and I got to run TWICE this week with ZERO pain (yay!) and I am able-bodied to do so many other things – spin, walk, barre…this is just a blip in the radar, and far bigger issues in this world than the inability to run for a month or two.

~~

Writing out my thoughts sometimes helps me process them, of course, but also see how strong the mind really is. If you let it go haywire, you will lose perspective, harness a skewed reality, and focus on the wrong things…and be negative.

If you shift your focus and really see the bottom line on the things that nag at you? You will harness them into a better, happier, more positive reality – the REAL reality of life…that in the grand scheme of it, these ‘things’ or frustrations are just that – things. In the grand scheme of it, life is amazing, and every obstacle, frustration or challenge is an opportunity to flourish and prove to yourself what you are capable of, in mind, body and soul.

I vow…to shift my focus. Always.

Bits and pieces.

**Just some bits and pieces flitting through my brain that don’t quite make a post in of itself, but together, make a lil potpourri of thoughts that I don’t want to lose!**

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Can someone first explain to me, how is it *only* Wednesday? Whenever I travel, it feels like a time warp, backwards and forwards! Starts off with a bang and then mid-week, starts to wane, like whoa. I know I will catch my second wind for the tail end of my trip, but man, does traveling mess with me. Routine, baby, it’s where it’s at 😉

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I am supremely amazed at how differently I’ve handled eating during this trip. While I have had several trips across three time zones since I started the barre n9ne challenge last year, which has made me more mindful and aware of eating when hungry, not out of habit or mindlessly, but this trip has just felt the most different of them all. For starters, I was *really* worried I’d be ridiculously hungry during Monday’s flight since it left at 8 am, and arrived at 2:30 pm (in my brain, but 11:30 PT) where I would have to endure what should be breakfast and lunch, yet only be barely lunchtime on the West Coast when I arrived.

For the first time, I forced myself to retrain my eating into West Coast times from the minute I stepped off the plane. And surprisingly? It worked! I wasn’t heinously hungry the entire flight, either. I scored some steel cut oats at the hotel (last minute score! Arm pump!) and just needed a banana to sustain me until I landed and could grab a bite once I got my car, maneuvered my way out of LA and go to my office, around 12:30 PT. That has seriously been my golden ticket this week. I haven’t woken up famished (hungry, but not wilting!), and I’ve generally been hungry at the ‘right’ times on the West Coast. Score.

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I ran outside – alone – for the first time EVER since  I started this job 18 months ago. (well, that’s not entirely true. I did run on the beach AT my hotel when I first started…but that doesn’t feel quite the same, since there were people everywhere. If that makes sense). I knew I wanted to finally run outside, when it would be light enough to do so safely (many of my trips up until this point have been during winter months where it was just too dark to do it previously). And so I would not get lost, I came up with a genius plan (if I do say so myself!). I ran FROM my hotel TO my office. Since I know the route by heart and it’s about 2.4 miles one way, making for a solid just about 5 mile route.

What most surprised me, beyond loving being outdoors and running IN Cali and ON flat, flat, FLAT roads was how PRETTY everything smelled. I smelled flowers everywhere. I heard birds chirping. I even heard the electrical wires above me buzzing. It was quiet, even on usually-busy main roads (it was 5:30 am, I guess I can see why). I LOVED it.

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We had our long-awaited event this week for work. (the reason I am out here this week) And it was SO cool to see an event come off without a hitch, one that my boss and I have been working on for months. It was fun to interact with those that arrived, from the students from a local college (that were part of the competition for this particular event), to my company’s executives, to the media that came, and to my co-workers, too. I finally felt comfortable chatting on the fly with people and not feeling like I stuck out like a sore thumb. Perhaps it goes back to feeling confident in who I am, for the first time pretty much ever, huh?

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This whole shifting focus, thing? Yeah, it’s REALLY working for me. I have not dreaded this trip much at all (besides the always hard goodbyes to M), I have looked forward to it. I have embraced the challenges, I have done new things (running alone, as I mentioned, for starters!), and I have just enjoyed the time and the opportunity. It has gone a long way, and I couldn’t be more glad, or more relieved at that.

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So far, it’s been a GREAT week. And I guess the bits and pieces flitting through my head culminates into more than I thought it would, huh? 😉 

~

PS – THANK YOU to everyone for all of your feedback, compliments, and support on my post yesterday. It meant so much to see such positive feedback and enthusiasm. I was nervous to post before and after pictures for a number of reasons, but am so glad the message I wanted to get through as part of that came shining through, rather than it being uber focused on numbers and such. THANK YOU!

I wish there was smellavision (er, blogavision?!) – those flowers smelled GOOD!

Throwbacks: a panic attack, revisited.

**Here’s a throwback of a different kind. Most of these have been recaps of stories I’ve shared on my old blog, about my divorce, or things I haven’t shared here, that are part of my story that some of you may not have read. This story and journey I have recapped here. The story of the first year of my new job and all the ups, downs and in-betweens…**

It was this day, a year ago, that my boss went on maternity leave 10 days early. And a day that I had my very first panic attack. Something I’d never experienced before. Suddenly, a wave of nausea, fear and well, panic washed over me. I was scared. I wasn’t ready (or so I felt). And to top it off, I was going to Jamaica in two days (given my boss did not think she was going to go early as it was her first child, my scheduling a trip right before she left didn’t seem to be a big deal…at the time!).

The perfect storm to cultivate a panic attack, no?

I remember sitting at my desk, in my old apartment, texting M frantically, IMing my sister Jess, and tweeting out my feelings to anyone and no one at the same time…scared and worried and wondering how the hell I was going to make it through three months without my boss, my safety blanket and security net, still very new to my job and to working for a global company (speaking of, I had my first call with our China PR team that night, a call I rarely joined, let alone had to lead!) and many names, faces and personalities to cope with. I had a list a mile long of notes, reminders, who to send what and when, yet I was still scared and feeling very unprepared.

And it was then that M said to me: “remember, it’s okay to lose to your opponent, but you shouldn’t lose to fear.”

And that statement, as simple as it sounds, was exactly what I needed to face the next 12 weeks. It was probably the hardest 12 weeks of my career. There were a lot of tears. There was a lot of unknowns I had to just face, and do. There was a lot of faking it, and a lot of questions I hated asking for fear of ‘sounding stupid’ (one of my biggest fears). There was a LOT of travel. There was a shitton of discomfort.

But most of all?

There was a shitton of growth too. I took this job in January 2011 with a hunger to grow, to be pushed, to learn what it is that I want out of this career move, what I want my job to look like. And looking back at the last almost year and a half? I have come incredibly far. I won’t mince words or half-say it. I conquered it. And I am damn proud of that.

But.

There is still so much I need and want to learn. So much more growth. More discomfort (it IS the year of getting out of the ‘zone after all) and reaching the next level. I’ve sensed that change starting. The ‘what am I waiting for’ feeling…just start doing it. Don’t wait for permission. Don’t even ask for it. Just DO it. That’s why I was hired. And that’s why I took it upon myself to request attending two social media events coming up (which I cannot wait to go to!) and why I am trying to approach my day-to-day with more confidence and direction. Not waiting for permission or for the answer to be given to me.

And I think this idea – the premise of unseating comfort zones and *not* waiting for permission can be applied to so much in life. What, precisely, *are* we waiting for? And why are we waiting? Think about it. There is always something ‘on our bucket lists’ or something we want to do ‘when we have time’ but why wait? Why not make it a priority and just for it. Empower yourself. Don’t wait to be empowered.

And that is exactly what I plan to do. No more panic attacks. Just do it.