The difference is astounding.

Yesterday, I walked into my cube at an office I hadn’t been to since the first week of April.

Six months have passed.

And the difference is astounding.

I actually felt sort of dumbstruck.

And then I felt sad.

Sad because of how much confidence I lacked, how badly I felt about myself and how confused I was as to why I was feeling that way.

And then I felt pride.

Pride because I’ve made it through almost a full year at my new job and I am finally feeling like I belong here, like I am capable and like I am just going to continue to grow.

Pride because my pants fit (and a size 4 no less!!) and I don’t feel like I am hiding behind billowy clothes and denying that maybe it’s not mental, maybe I did gain a few pounds this year.

Pride because I have been challenging myself for 5 months since the barre n9ne 60 day challenge began and loving every minute of every day almost entirely because of what this challenge has done for me and what I’ve proven I am capable of (finally getting past the ‘going halfway then stopping’ mentality).

And pride because my relationship with M is as strong and as full as it has ever been. And knowing that in about 26 hours, I will be stepping through the doors of OUR home makes my heart overwhelmingly happy.

The difference I feel is astounding.

I can’t even properly put it into words, but more than ever, I am feeling like the culmination of almost a year of ‘being uncomfortable,’ of being challenged, is coming to a head, and I am firmly planted right where I am meant to be, in just about every aspect of my life. That feeling is incredible. And also begs the question…what’s next? Where to go from here? The wheels are churning. 

For now, I’ll hold tight to the feeling and harness it for where I go…in the year of 32!