Tag Archives: privacy

Why I keep my blog semi-private (and why M doesn’t read it).

I realized when I wrote about throwing M a surprise party that some of you didn’t realize that he doesn’t read my blog.

And that’s been by design.

So has keeping my blog semi-private, generally. My first blog began the same way, generally private (anonymous, mostly) but after realizing that certain people were reading it that I had never shared it with (which I realized could happen just by nature of social media and its virility anyway), I started this blog. And used a different username. And decided to continue with it being more private than most. And decided that I would continue to not actively share it with M. Or post it on Facebook. Or post it on  my public Twitter. And keep my Twitter that is tied to this blog protected (even though I know it can still be found and the link is on there, my protected tweets are more so I can say whatever I want and not worry my employer, for example, will see it and some of the random, sometimes TWSS-ish tweets!)

It’s not like I don’t show M some of my posts. Because I do. Remember when I shared my story with him? That was a powerful moment. And whenever I do choose to share a post with him, it’s with intent. Because sometimes what I write about are things we have yet to discuss (but eventually do actually discuss…like my ‘on marriage’ series. We had such a good conversation about it last night. I love when we get into deep conversations. It’s…sexy). He respects why I keep it to myself. He doesn’t try to dig. He reads if I share it with him, but won’t even look over my shoulder as I am writing. He ‘gets’ it.

But, keeping my blog semi-private (I say semi because I am realistic in knowing that it’s still easily found and I know people that I may have wanted to ‘lose’ from my old readership have probably found it again. But ignorance is bliss, isn’t it?) has some downfalls, too. Sometimes I get frustrated that I go through dry spells where it seems as though what I am saying is just not resonating (when in reality, I just simply have a smaller audience by nature of semi-privacy and protected tweets!). It’s not like I need a zillion hits on my blog to keep me going, I just look forward to reading others’ perspectives, viewpoints, advice etc. Don’t we all? And sometimes, I DO want to share some of my posts on Facebook. Ones about barre n9ne, or running, all of the non-super-personal ones. (that’s usually when I choose to guest blog for my sister’s blog or anyone else’s that I may do it for on occasion).

So, while I intentionally choose to keep my blog semi-private, there are some downsides to it. But it’s all worth it. Because it allows me freedom to write as I please, not worry about an audience so much, and continue to share my deeper personal beliefs, experiences and learnings…post-divorce, from running, from life, and from my job.

My blog is my haven. It’s where I feel free. It’s where I can be the most authentic me. And isn’t that what blogging is all about in the first place? 

 

My blog, going forward.

So, I’ve really been thinking about what I want to focus my blog on as we approach the one year blogoversary since I began this blog, ‘retiring’ my old two-year-old blog that preceded it (that focused entirely on my divorce, pre-during-after, and my dating leading up to meeting M. If you want to read that one, email me and I’ll send you a link…for those that are interested and weren’t aware of it!), and I think it’s time for a bit of a refresh, as I wrote a little about in this post.

I actually received a lot of really good feedback on that post (thank you!) that I wasn’t anticipating, and one piece stuck out in my mind most: pick three things to focus on that you want to write about, and stick to that. I love this rule of thumb. And honestly, I probably do this already, but I think more than anything, I want to adjust what I write about, how often I write, and areas I focus on.

So, without further ado, here’s my plan for my blog, going forward (for now!):

  • Focus on three areas: self-discovery and learnings, running/barre n9ne/fitness, and, my relationship with M.
  • …but, what I focus on around my relationship with M will become less frequent and probably less detailed and specific. I have felt of late that sometimes, conclusions are being drawn from those I know IRL about my relationship that they wouldn’t ‘know’ normally just because it’s stuff I don’t talk about in casual conversation. I write about it here because this is my outlet. And sometimes, getting unsolicited advice based on said assumptions and conclusions have been off-base, and I’d just rather avoid that. Besides, my relationship with M is at a point where I’d like to pull back a bit and keep some of that stuff between us and only us. Draw a line in the sand.
  • Write more mini-series and stories. I am really excited about this part. I’d like to explore my past a bit and draw conclusions on my upbringing and life experiences to who I am now. My first mini-series? Stories that define me. In areas like trust and self-esteem.

Part of this renewed blog focus may actually mean less posts, but that’s okay. I don’t need to blog every day, not by a long shot. I tend to blog regularly during the week, for the most part, and less on weekends. That will probably stay the same, but my posts may be just less frequent but actually be more in-depth and take me longer to put together.  I love this community and how different some of what I write about it – some very intrinsic and personal, others lighter and more focused on my fitness and health goals and experiences. Things I am passionate about and stand behind. For me and nobody else!

Whatcha think? I guess when I re-read this, it’s really not that different than what I do now, but maybe just a little more refined.

The thing about blogging.

*Lately, I’ve been struggling with blogging. With what I want to focus on, how much I want to disclose as my relationship with M progresses, etc. I feel as though I go through this cyclical phase of exploring where I want to take my blog quite a bit, but lately, this phase has stuck around a bit. This is just my take on things right now, swirling through my brain. Not looking for specific feedback, per se, as I am sure we have each hit this phase once or twice ourselves, in this bloggy world we live in!**

The thing about blogging…

…is without focus, what is blogging? Random thoughts? Not goal-oriented or shaped towards a specific audience?

…if I blog for me, why do I care if my audience is scattered and not of ‘one’ focus? Do I?

…I am an open book. Those who know me IRL (and blog friends of course) know what’s going on in my relationship, deep down feelings, my body image struggles of past, and what I’m doing on a daily/weekly basis. Do I want that much transparency anymore?

…being open to opinions, criticism and (sometimes) unwarranted advice or assumptions based on what I am writing. Again, open book. Do I really want that? Do I need it? Some things are sometimes best left in my head, or told to those I care about.

…the thing about blogging is that I don’t want to stop. But where do I go from here? Stalemate.

I love blogging. But I sometimes struggle with focus and content. And never want to get to a place where I feel like I need to blog or that I have to keep talking about topics that I’ve talked about in the past (my relationship with M, divorce, perspective, running, barre n9ne…). Does that mean I am at a point where I stop? Where I start a new, more focused blog, if I think of a topic I want to write about?

I don’t have the answers. I need to think about it. More than I already have. Figure out if it matters to me whether my blog has a unified focus. Whether I want to start fresh – again – or whether I simply evolve this blog – again – into something else. Maybe I won’t write about my relationship much anymore. Maybe my blog served its purpose on that topic and now it’s time to change it and keep that part of my life a little more private.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. Possibilities. Are. Endless. 

The thing about blogging…where to go from here?