Tag Archives: pride

Think, Act, Play, Be…Different.

The theme of this week’s sales conference has been all about being different…think different, play different, BE different.

It was written around the lanyard around my neck with my nametag. It was flashed on-screen in a snazzy logo for the week’s sessions, and it was exactly how I felt from the first step into dinner the first night.

Different.

I felt different. Better. Happier. Confident. Not intimidated.

I felt different because I belonged. Because I am part of this team. And because I have made a difference.

I felt different because when I introduced myself to people, they instantly knew who I was, they remembered my name, had seen what I’ve done for social media and as part of the corporate comms team, and simply being recognized…felt incredible.

To be asked to meet up for drinks with some of my team and a) not being scared or saying no and b) enjoying every minute of it, laughing, joking, engaging in conversation with everyone, made me feel so incredibly good. I belong here. I am part of this team. And I daresay I am making friends and I didn’t even realize I had.

I felt different also because I look different. And people noticed. I think partially because maybe I carried myself differently this week than this time last year, but also in the physical changes. My boss’s boss (my interim boss while she was on maternity leave, as you may recall) again said how good I looked and how proud I should be of the changes I have made. Another coworker asked what I’d been doing and said I’d totally ‘leaned out’ since last year (and this comes from a guy that has 2% body fat and is a fitness fiend!), and another that said I was ‘all muscle.’ Um wow, thank you…that too felt different. In that I accepted the compliments and felt proud of them.

And the funniest part of the week, hands down, had to be when the SVP of worldwide sales (aka hello big wig!) said at the opening remarks at day two of the conference in front of the global sales and marketing team ‘and this morning, at the gym, I ran next to Jolene and if I thought so-and-so [removing name for anonymity] kicked my ass, I was wrong. Jolene kicked my ass this morning on the treadmill!! (I am partially glad the room was dark as my face went beet red…even though I was at the same time, incredibly proud of that moment – thank you interval day! – it was definitely the funniest and one of the most memorable of the week! Even though I felt like a sweaty, gross mess running next to him that morning…it paid off!)

In a nutshell, this week was confirmation that the past year of hard work, dedication and focus, in my job and in my personal fitness journey has completely paid off. And it confirmed that I do have a game face, I can convey confidence and I am kicking that self-doubt that plagued me last year, and even just a few days ago.

Think…Act…Play…Be…Different

The difference is astounding.

Yesterday, I walked into my cube at an office I hadn’t been to since the first week of April.

Six months have passed.

And the difference is astounding.

I actually felt sort of dumbstruck.

And then I felt sad.

Sad because of how much confidence I lacked, how badly I felt about myself and how confused I was as to why I was feeling that way.

And then I felt pride.

Pride because I’ve made it through almost a full year at my new job and I am finally feeling like I belong here, like I am capable and like I am just going to continue to grow.

Pride because my pants fit (and a size 4 no less!!) and I don’t feel like I am hiding behind billowy clothes and denying that maybe it’s not mental, maybe I did gain a few pounds this year.

Pride because I have been challenging myself for 5 months since the barre n9ne 60 day challenge began and loving every minute of every day almost entirely because of what this challenge has done for me and what I’ve proven I am capable of (finally getting past the ‘going halfway then stopping’ mentality).

And pride because my relationship with M is as strong and as full as it has ever been. And knowing that in about 26 hours, I will be stepping through the doors of OUR home makes my heart overwhelmingly happy.

The difference I feel is astounding.

I can’t even properly put it into words, but more than ever, I am feeling like the culmination of almost a year of ‘being uncomfortable,’ of being challenged, is coming to a head, and I am firmly planted right where I am meant to be, in just about every aspect of my life. That feeling is incredible. And also begs the question…what’s next? Where to go from here? The wheels are churning. 

For now, I’ll hold tight to the feeling and harness it for where I go…in the year of 32!

 

 

 

 

I am determined.

If someone asked you what the one quality you most admire in yourself, what would you say?

For me? It’s determination.

(hence the title of my blog)

Determination is a quality that I think was a quiet attribute tucked away in the inner corner of my brain before I got divorced. I can honestly look back at my life and the ‘me’ I was then and say that I can’t really pinpoint too many times where I was really and truly challenged, or tested, or hurt. I was pretty lucky to have met my would-be husband at such a young age, not struggling like so many of my friends here and IRL to find love, to feel it, and know someone in this world loves you (as we all deserve to feel). Sure, we divorced, but I can honestly also say that we did have a loving relationship, the majority of our marriage, and I consider myself lucky to even say that. Looking at this statement – that I feel as though in my ‘past life’ I wasn’t really challenged or tested – is a huge a-ha moment for me…I just never looked at it that way or even realized it.

Fast forward to the pain of divorce. The picking yourself up, healing, moving on and up and forward process. It screams determination.

All that went with that process…the financial rock-bottom. The short sale on my house. The starting over. The new beginnings. The living on my own. The dating rollercoaster. The fits and starts with trying to find love. And…finding love.

It all screams determination.

I firmly believe I am at the point in my life where determination is second-nature to me. I seek it out. I am determined to continue growing, continue exploring and continue challenging myself. I never want to fall into complacency, or take what I have – my life – for granted.

For example?

I was determined to find a new job. It took me more than a year. But I found it, and it’s become one of the single most challenging transitions for me in my career. But I am loving every minute of every ‘out of comfort zone’ moment, because it is helping me grow. It’s cultivating greatness that I know is in there somewhere.

I am determined to get my running mojo back so I can run another half marathon. I am clawing my way back. This morning, I had one of my best runs, and the longest, in probably 8 months, with my sister. We ran 5 miles. I didn’t stop, I pushed through hills. She was there every step, coaching me along the way. It was exactly what I needed. I will get there. Because I am determined. I am staring down this challenge.

I am determined to undo this nasty body image I have.  With each passing day, and each passing Barre N9Ne class, I feel better and better. The minute I want to criticize, I slap it down. I am focused on changing that mindset, because it’s unhealthy. Embrace the positive, push out the negative.

I am also determined to really hunker down and start saving more money. I’ve started, I’m back on my feet, more than two years later, but I am finally feeling stable. But now is the time to save. I want to buy a house. I am determined to get there. Maybe even in the next year or so.

I could go on and on, but I’ll stop here and pose the same question to you…If someone asked you what the one quality you most admire in yourself, what would you say?

(Thanks Tina and Jess for your posts which spurred mine. Loved every word of yours!)