Tag Archives: perfection

Lessons in patience…and pausing.

One of the biggest things I noticed during my LASEK recovery and what felt like the never-ending recovery was how little patience and ability to slow the hell down I really have in me. For as much as I talk about it, for as much as I try to do it, to slow down, to be more patient, to just BE, I felt like I was ramming my head against a brick wall every single day.

(BTW I’m at 20/40, folks!! Should be 20/20 by my next appointment in less than two weeks, if not already. Can I get a big woohoo on that?! 20/40 *feels* like 20/20 right now, since I don’t think I have ever seen crisply even with a prescription, so 20/20 should blow my ever-living mind…side note).

It was a huge shock – why, I am not sure, I kind of knew I was semi-impatient before (LOL) – at just how much I railed against allowing the process, embracing un-routine and just going with the flow. I know that I just generally am not that good at going with the flow and while I am working on that area, I know I will never be one of those people that truly *is* a go with the flow-er (yes, I just made up a word…), and just want to get better at it, than trying for ‘my way or the highway’ all the time.

So, I’ve vowed to take a step back. To pause, think, reset, and let patience settle in, which then, does help me roll with things a little bit more than I have in the past.

An example? My in-laws – who are fantastic, by the way, and just the nicest, most caring, giving people I have ever met – are the type that ‘just stop by’ unannounced. I am completely and utterly unprepared for the ‘drop in’ visit. I like to plan. I like to be prepared. I like to be a good hostess. So when a ‘drop by’ happens, I tend to freak out. Like, a lot. And M doesn’t understand why. He doesn’t consider them ‘company’ as they are his parents, of course, but to me, anyone that comes over is ‘company’ in the sense that I want to be prepared, presentable, and ready for anyone that may stop by.

But it is something I realize I need to roll with more. Because it is their nature. And quite frankly, it is a good quality, and a caring one.

So when this past Monday, they came by, three hours ahead of our planned visit and dinner, I started to freak out. I was about to get frustrated. I was about to run around in a tizzy ‘preparing.’ But instead, I took a step back, I took a breath, and calmed down. Like, seriously, is it really the worst thing in the world that my in-laws, who care for me and me for them, came by early? No. Not in the slightest. So, I used it as a chance to learn to ‘host’ while preparing for dinner. Chatting and multi-tasking. And you know what? It turned out to be a really good visit and dinner and I am glad I didn’t ruin it for myself, for M, or for my in-laws by stewing in frustration inside.

All I can do is try to keep making subtle changes, and choose to react differently. Choose to not react instantly, but to pause first, then think/act/speak.

And along with this goal? This sentiment…don’t try to be perfect, just try to be better than yesterday. Yes, a million times yes. 

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Show up to life, and then stay there.

As I continue finding my way, learning my definition of balance, priorities and imperfection, I am continually amazed at some of the words I’ve been reading by the creator of the “Slow Down Challenge,’ Jeff Goins, so much so, that I am definitely in need of reading his book, “The In-Between,” because just the snippets I am seeing so far have blown me away.  My beautiful blend Lindsay sent me this read today and it hit every single thing I have been working on, struggling with and in some cases, railing against.

I am sharing snippets here, with my thoughts in bold. And? Watch the video at the end, it’ll blow you away.

Only recently, I have learned how pointless the pursuit of perfection is. All these seemingly ordinary moments, the less-than-remarkable times and things, are all we have. How do embrace where we are, no matter where that is?

We must let go. There is great freedom in acknowledging we can’t control every detail. Because a mess-less life is no life at all.

A mess-less life is no life at all. Wow. And all these years, I’ve focused on perspective, and embracing what life has thrown at me, embracing divorce, and starting from ground zero on almost every aspect of my life, yet, I have somehow lost that, just a little bit, in my inability to let go of control and embrace ‘mess’ more, and perfection far, far less. 

We must learn to be present. It means showing up to life and staying there, even when it feels normal. I’ve realized that there are no big moments, no huge epiphanies. There is only now and what we choose do with it.

Show up to life and stay there. No matter what happens, that’s really what it’s about, isn’t it? Stay in the life you’re in now, embrace the busy, embrace change, embrace new, scary, hard, different. Don’t rail against it. Our lives are here, right now, so focus on that, not tomorrow, not next week, or even next year. Because when that’s all you do, you’re not living. You’re yearning.

In other words, this is as good as it gets. Right here, right now — in the middle of the mess. This is perfection, if we choose to see it that way.

This life IS as good as it gets, and despite the noise surrounding us, the doubts, the imperfections,  the challenges, the struggles, it’s how we handle it, embrace it, use it as a catalyst for change that matters Perfection…redefined.

“The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people…”

“The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person’s good qualities”


It’s been quite a week for me…my emotions has gone in every direction, from self-conscious, to ashamed, to sad, to happy, to frustrated, to supported and finally, to contentedness. And I thought this quote really fit where my mindset needs to be, rather than striving for perfection in myself, namely, but also in terms of those around me.

We aren’t perfect. None of us are. But that’s what makes life, and the relationships we’re in, so dynamic, real, and well, educational. I learn so much from those around me that have such different perspectives, habits, hang-ups, goals, wants and fears. And it’s also another reason why I get so much out of this blogging community that I feel so fortunate to be part of.

It’s also why I think my relationship with M continues to flourish. Some of his tendencies challenge me. And I’m sure some of mine challenge him. His good qualities, of course, as well as those qualities that I struggle with, to be honest. Like his concept of time that I’ve jokingly discussed, but also talked about in-depth, as it relates to his job. Of course, this one is more my issue, as I need to accept that my timeline for things may not always match his, and sometimes, he’ll ‘be on his way’ over after work, and get hung up with something at work. The bottom line is, it’s not for lacking of trying. It’s an ‘imperfection’ I need to accept because damn, all of his other qualities far surpass this one. And this one is really my issue to contend with.

Just an example.

As for me, and my self-image issues, I need to  live with my own imperfections and realize that those perceived imperfections aren’t so imperfect. They make me, me. And if there wasn’t always a challenge ahead, let’s face it, I’d be bored. So, I’m going to face this challenge head on and sincerely work on it. Because I know it’s not healthy and I know I’m worth more than self-destruction.

On that note, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. And to those who have relatives impacted by the earthquakes and tsunamis in Japan and Hawaii, my prayers are with you.

Cheers, friends.

Embracing imperfection…or unlocking confidence?

For some reason, I’ve always struggled with confidence. I have waves of it, but other times, I am filled with self-doubt. Sometimes it can be something as little as not liking the way my stomach looks in the mirror to throw me into a tailspin of nitpicking imperfections, massive self-doubt, and a sheer inability to see myself for the good, just the flaws.

Enter today.

My problem is that I only see the imperfections in the mirror these days…even though I feel loved, I feel beautiful (I don’t think a day goes by without M telling me that, or my seeing it in his eyes), and I am happy, healthy, and have a great life ahead of me.

So why do I have such a major case of I-hate-myself-itis? (meaning my body, not myself in full). My sister thinks that because so much is going right in my life that I am looking for the bad. I don’t believe that. I just believe I simply have a bad case of self-esteem issues at the moment, and feel as though my body isn’t what it could be.

Perhaps it goes hand-in-hand with ‘letting routine go’ (or trying to).

Perhaps it’s my mind *thinking* I’ve ‘let myself go” because of said remiss routine.

Perhaps I indulged a bit more than I should have over the holiday (hello wine, my BFF…).

Or perhaps I really am just in need of shaking myself out of this body funk I have going on.

I really don’t have an answer for it.

I do know this: it could always be worse and if my whacked body image issues are all I am worrying about at the moment, then life’s pretty damn good. I mean, really, it is. Why am I nitpicking myself?

And why am I going in circles with this blog post? I am probably rambling and if you aren’t following, that’s okay, this blog is more for me to get out my feelings on this as it has consumed my mind all day long. And the fact is? Nobody can give me body confidence, I need to do it for me.

But the truth is? I’m perfectly imperfect. We all are.

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Recently, my sister (followed by Heather) wrote about being imperfect and why it’s okay. I read them, I loved them, and vowed to write one of my own. I am doing this in part to help me get back to believing it…I’m imperfect, but that’s okay, we all are. Being imperfect shouldn’t take away your confidence. It should unlock it.

…I have more ‘fat’ days than I care to admit (and I hate to admit that I call them ‘fat’ days since I know I am not literally fat).

…I actually hate to compromise. I wish it was always ‘my way or the highway’ (I know, as a Libra, I should love this, and while I love balance, I hate compromise. Odd, right?)

…Sometimes I look in the mirror and just see flaws (clearly).

…Other times I look in the mirror and love my smile (but hate my cheeks).

…I wonder if my 50/50 view on wanting kids (or not) means I’m selfish, or if it just means I’m not ready (but I will admit I am more 60/40 than 50/50 than I used to be, and that says something, right?)

…I *still* struggle with confrontation, even though being direct is the approach I want to get to, in my professional life, and personal life too. I hide behind puppies and rainbows more than I’d like to.

…but, at the end of the day, I’m a good friend, sister, daughter, and girlfriend, with unwavering devotion and support. And that, my friends, means more than flat abs any day.

Sometimes I just need to see the forest from the trees and just writing this out makes me feel better already.

Nobody else will do it for you.

I have to do it for me.

Embrace and unlock.