Tag Archives: mind

Run-imations: The mental run in my brain.

*A (possible) new mini-series on my ruminations run-imations on running: A snapshot into my brain, on the good, the mental, and even, the bad runs. What I learn, what inspires, what challenges*

Hem and haw.

Hem and haw.

It’s national running day and I didn’t run. What’s up with that (this was yesterday, btw)? Maybe I should run anyway. (note: I actually had planned to run, but woke up hit by the tired stick-got-run-over-by-a-bus feeling and nixed it in favor of extra cuddles with M, as we could sleep in a bit later that particular morning!).

*shelf thought for later*

Tick-tock. Afternoon rolls around. The sun starts peeking through. I see tweet after tweet and blog title after blog title about national runner’s day and how did you celebrate it. (But I didn’t get to!! Wahh!)

I debate going for a solo run (something I keep shying away from, even though I know I used to LOVE running alone. And want to get back to it). I consult my sister. We discuss over Skype. Decide that I will run at 3 if I feel up to it. I go back and forth. And back and forth. And back and forth in my head. Do I? Don’t I? Do I? Don’t I? Opt for a walk to start and if I get the urge, I’ll run (like my strange way of ‘compromising’ with myself?!).

I set out. And it’s raining (but sunny!). Fail

Decide that’s my sign not to run for the day. Decide that it’s okay not to run on national running day – a la this girl, who so aptly put it – today I don’t run because I love to run.

*end scene*

Today: I teach barre n9ne at 6 am and 7:30 pm and tend to NOT run on this day usually, because teaching twice takes a bit of a toll on the legs, no matter how much I try not to *do* too much and just demonstrate. Never fails to give me some sense of ‘dead legs’ feelings!

But I was determined to run anyway, since I didn’t run yesterday.

(there goes that stubborn brain when it comes to running…sometimes I just need to let go of what I schedule for the week in my head, and let it go. I’m working on it.)

On my drive to the studio around 5:30 am, I’m dreading this run…

I really wish I ran yesterday. This was a bad idea. Teaching 3 times in 2 days and planned 2 runs anyway. Idiot.

*teach class…’do’ a little more than I intended. Mentally kick myself at the end*

Walk outside, text M: meet me for a quick run? (even though I really want to nix it).

Drive home. Starts to sprinkle. Secretly hope it keeps raining and I wuss out change my plans. But it stops the minute I arrive at our apartment. (and then secretly hope M isn’t waiting for me outside and doesn’t want to run).

But there he is, looking slightly sleepy, but expectant. Ready to go (damn, he’s so cute. swoon.).

Which way do you want to go? This way? That way (discussing routes)?

We opt for a 5K distance, in part because M has to get to work, and in part because his legs, and mine, are feeling dead-legged.

We set out.

Dammit, my legs are killing me. This sucks. Maybe we shouldn’t have gone. Maybe this is a bad idea.

panicpanicpanic.

We stop for a minute, I catch my breathe. *mentally kick myself for panicking. It’s just a flipping run! get over it!*

We start again. Legs are super tight, but slowly start to loosen after the first mile.

And then…halfway in…there it is:

M: a bunny! look!

Ahhh look at him, he’s so cuuuuuuuute. How does he hide so well in GREEN grass?! He’s brown! OMG he’s sooo cuuuuuute. What do you think he’d do if I went over to pat him?

M: um, probably hop away.

Good point. Maybe we do live in bunnyville after all!! 

*huge grin on my face*

We set back towards home.

This run feels so much better, why do I work myself into such a tizzy? I’m sweating, I’m working, but I feel good. It’s always the first mile that kills. After that, it eases up. Remember this next time, will ya?!

And then, just before we turn down towards the final stretch? TWO MORE BUNNIES!!!

*insert more oohing and aahing over bunny sightings galore*

~~

I swear, this is my thought process on at least 80% of my runs. At least to start. While I have quelled a lot of the overthinking, I still usually start with a bit of dread, and always abhor the first mile or so. And I know this is probably pretty normal (at least the first mile abhorrence part!), yet I still feel captive to my mentalness about it far more often than I’d like. But the more I can turn these mental runs into strong finishes? The better I’ll be at turning the mental game around that much quicker. My run-imation for today: keep going, it just gets better.

(what do you think of this little series?! Run-imations? I just felt like I needed something to capture my thoughts on my runs moving forward, now that my run-challenge is over. And hey, who doesn’t love the word run-imations? ;-P)