Tag Archives: me

On foodie love and evolutions.

This week, I randomly declared it a week of ‘doing lunch differently’ as I am often inspired by instagram and some of my favorites (including the queen of random, yet delicious, flavor combinations, Lindsay, and Kabocha Queen Sarena!), and because I have been on a huuuuuge wrap kick over the last few months, I figured it was time to switch it up, especially since I am so fortunate to work from home and really can make whatever I want for lunch, not something more suited to an ‘office’ lunch (a can-be-made-ahead wrap, for example!).

And I gotta hand it to myself…I made some freaking delicious meals this week. Take a gander below, or on my instagram and you’ll see loads of variety, which included kabocha (and lots of it, anywhere I could get it! My latest obsession, it is just.so.good!), lentils, a kickass lemon parmesan yogurt sauce, hard boiled eggs, beets, avocado and grilled chicken, to name a few. Droooool.

food

This week’s experiment made me realize two things: I crave good, fueling, fresh foods, and I love food. I’d so much rather devour a bowl of oatmeal than a bagel…though once in awhile, that bagel, freshly made from only a local bakery, of course, truly hits the spot, something I know that will fill me up and also taste so.damn.good. Not only do I crave good, fueling, fresh foods…I just love eating. I know that may be a funny thing to say, but I just do. I LOVE food.

Which brings me to Lindsay’s post this week, one of my absolute favorites from her, on what’s important when it comes to eating. Is it the bottom line: how many calories are in it? Or, is it, will this satisfy me physically but yes, also mentally. There is nothing wrong with food bringing you joy (it’s just when it *only* brings you joy, I suppose, where it becomes more of a slippery slope, with fixations, mindlessness etc.). And I think for me, for awhile, I was trying to break the tie of food = joy SO much as I sought mindfulness and intuitive eating, that I would see food more as the black and white: food is a calorie, how many are in it, and then I’ll decide to eat it or not.

…stealing the joy out of it, and the experience, and surroundings entirely.

Of course, there is a balance to eating joyously and healthfully, and everyone needs to find what works for them (because what works for me won’t work for you and vice versa!), but ultimately, eating and sharing and making food should be a happy experience, not stressful, or something that causes anxiety.

And this is my evolution. Coming up on almost two years into my own personal ‘food journey’ if you will, and I realize that while I still believe food is fuel, I also think you can, and should enjoy eating, too.

Because life is far too short to scrimp and pinch and overanalyze every last drop of food you eat. It just is. Don’t you think?

~~

Cheers friends!

Snowed in Friday…do something different.

Welp, we are about to get walloped with the lamest named storm ever – Nemo (seriously, who names a snow storm, I just thought hurricanes got that honor!)…a storm I think is much suited to the name storm f*cking bullshit instead (much more apt, in fact, given it completely ruined some fabulous weekend plans!)…but rather than wallow in all that I will *not* be doing this weekend, I think this storm comes at a perfect time to…

shift my focus and work on that whole ‘just be’ mantra I’ve been talking about lately.

I will read a book. Or maybe even two. And those magazines I have piled up and yet to read.

I will take my time and make meals this weekend. With M. For M. Together. Not rushing to get dinner made because I am rushing against some agenda in my brain or imaginary deadline/timeline I’ve set for myself. Oh the novelty of that in itself makes me giddy at the thought.

I will get creative with my workouts. Today I ran my longest run since starting ITBS recovery and PT – 5 miles. And I reveled in every single minute of it. (in fact, I still think I am on a run high!). But as classes tomorrow at barre n9ne studio are likely to get canceled and I have a feeling my gym may be closed, creativity is the name of the game. I shall perhaps dust off some Cathe workouts I have yet to try – TurboBarre, *maybe* even brave some tabata…and also test out some new ideas for b9 fusion, while I am at it. And no, I won’t use the weekend to work out the entire time, because I plan to also honor my body and rest, recover, relax.

I will listen to music and maybe even nothing at all. Silence. Feeds the soul sometimes, doesn’t it? Curled up under a quilt with M by my side, that’s all I really need, right?

I may even play in the snow. Why not, there may be 2-3 feet of it after all. And I have a golf course staring right at me waiting to be sled down 😉

Most of all, I won’t plan to do too much. I have some ideas on what I want this ‘forced’ unplanned weekend, but I refuse to overstuff it with too many things – cleaning closets (tempted, always love a good closet purge!), organize, clean, bake, make new b9 playlists and classses etc. etc. etc. My mind goes into overdrive thinking of what I can do to fill my time this weekend whilst snowed in (which I am honestly hoping is just tomorrow, not the entire weekend). But *why* fill it up when it can be just as enjoyed – or MORE enjoyed – by not filling it up?

If you’re in the Northeast and getting snowed in as well…I challenge you – and urge you – plan little, be intentful, do things differently. This weekend is a license to be snowed in and do something different as far as I’m concerned.

Cheers friends!

5afb99437419de604954bb30fd75fc1c

On the knee, (im)patience, and perspective.

So, remember that knee pain I mentioned a couple of weeks ago?

Yeah, that.

Well, in the last 3+ weeks, I have run a total of TWICE and both of those runs ended less than 15 mins in, because of aforementioned knee pain (and, more specifically, IT band pain, on the right side of my knee).

Sigh.

I had diligently taken almost two weeks off from running to rest it (note: this problem ONLY occurs when I run and only after I have run for at least 10-15 mins. Not when I walk. Not when I teach or take barre n9ne classes and not when I do non-impact things, like spinning. Thank God for that!) and attempted another run last weekend. I – for once – happily hopped on that treadmill and was almost giddy to be running again (not that two weeks is a LONG time not to run, but it felt far longer!). My legs were happy. My breathing was actually okay, despite still recovering from a cold, then, bam. Pain. So bad that I literally had to stop completely. There was no pushing through it (not that THAT would have been smart anyway!).

After much hemming and hawing (lol – insert my dramatic overthinking brain here!), and discussing with a few ‘blends’ (blog friends at their finest!) – Meaghan and Naomi, to name a few (Naomi wrote an awesome post on IT Band Syndrome – which is what I think I may have, just today), I begrudgingly made a doctor’s appointment in hopes of a prescription for a physical therapist. That appointment was today. And I again tested my knee for two reasons – a half-hearted last-ditch ‘maybe it went away’ effort and also to *make* it hurt again so I could accurately show the doctor where the pain is (seemed logical to me, perhaps not). Again, I hopped on happily and ran happy, for all of 13 mins before the pain occurred yet again. To my surprise (no really, I had convinced myself it had gone away since it literally does not hurt ever otherwise!). Sad face.

Long story short, I now sit here with a prescription for a PT for 2-3 days a week for a month. I have never been injured. Luckily. Happily. I have typically been a smart runner, adding mileage gradually when I do add mileage, spacing out my runs, not running too much too soon etc., so to have something happen that now inhibits my running…kinda sucks.

Okay, it sucks a lot. And it makes me realize how impatient I am at injury resolution. And waiting. And patience, generally.

It’s also a massive dose of perspective to eat my words a little bit. To all of those friends I have supported and provided words of hope when they had to stop running…‘your body will remember,’ ‘no, you won’t get fat from NOT running,’ ‘you can do other cardio in the meantime, at least, that’s good!’ ‘our bodies need a break sometimes too.’

Blah, blah, blah. YES, all of this is true. YES, all of it is helpful to hear and believe in myself. But does it make it any easier to quell the run-games that go through my mind, anyway? Not really. I hate to even admit that, because I have tried so hard to quell my overthinking ways and to be kind to myself, but it is just a reminder that this is always going to be an area I need to continue to work on: self love and NOT diving head-first into the overthinking ‘rat hole’ as I like to call it.

What else does this little injury remind me? How much I actually LOVE running. Surprise, surprise. I tend to have a love-hate relationship with running sometimes, because it frustrates me when my breathing is off, or my legs are lead, or the run just doesn’t come to me. But now, in the absence of running, I realize how much I DO love it, despite those things. And how nothing truly compares to that feeling, cardio-wise.

But it also motivates me. To BE patient. To BE obedient (as a patient!). To stretch. To foam roll. To heal. 

I vow to use this time wisely. To explore other cross training options, like spinning (which I do love!) and even hill intervals *but walking* to strengthen my hamstrings. And anything else I can think of.

So, I guess this is me, owning up to needing some perspective sometimes too, and kicking my own ass a little in allowing myself to get too down about it. Because at the end of the day, I am healthy, I am (mostly) able bodied, and I am happy. A little off time from running shouldn’t and won’t ruin that.

208995238927735118_fjz7KLqO_c

On intuition.

Lately I’ve been struck by my sense of intuition on some things. Some of which I won’t share in detail (such a tease, I know…), but a few that I think are just more ongoing ‘a-ha’ moments for me as I grow as a barre n9ne instructor and student and as a mindful, intuitive eater.

Intuition lately has been telling me to not rush things.

Not try to ‘can’t wait’ past the very present. The moments that matter.

The in-between moments that will otherwise be lost, forgotten or not even noticed to begin with.

It feels like an incredibly special time in my life right now, from my life with M, as we move forward towards uniting our lives forever, to continuing to focus on balance and prioritizing what and who matter, like my sisters, my niece, the friends that ‘get’ me most.

Intuition is telling me to keep focusing on ‘feeling the room’ when I am teaching a barre n9ne class, ease up ever so gently if there is struggle (beyond the point where it should be, where form suffers), offer words of guidance and support, help clients refocus and snap back to the present, as they too can drift off and not focus and push and break through barriers. (it also is a gentle reminder to me, when I am a student in class, to channel the very words I speak, and work and hone).

Intuition is telling me when to eat, and when to stop. It is telling me when I am hungry, and when I am bored, or stuck in a habit. It is an ongoing, lifelong process, but this intuitive eating thing…gets easier and easier the more I listen to that intuition and mindfulness. It’s about peace. Not struggle.

Intuition is also telling me when to ease up on my own workouts, on my body, and well, on myself. Stop trying to be do it all or be regimented.

Intuition is urging me to let go a little. (M is also really good at helping me practice this, just by nature of how chill he is. About everything. From getting married, to what to make for dinner!) I need to be more vicarious because the more planned I am, the more boxed in I feel and the less I enjoy any of those carefully made plans (my favorite pin lately on Pinterest? Something along the lines of, I can be spontaneous if it is carefully planned <–that is so me!).

Most importantly, intuition is guiding me in my life. Intuition of the faith variety. It helps me feel centered. It helps me realize when I am losing sight of what is important, or getting caught up in the details or the excitement of something and not looking at it realistically. (this is where the vagueness comes in…). Intuition is telling me that ‘life is never simple. But don’t fret. It will all work out as need be.’ <–wise words of Ms Lindsay yesterday as I tweeted out some frustration. Thank you friend, it was e-xactly what I needed at that very moment.

I think this year, while it has been one of the best years of my life so far, it has also taught me so very much in terms of listening to myself, my body, my intuition. Letting it guide me. Breaking past the stubbornness. And letting go just a little bit more. Living more freely, and ‘sitting down’ when I need to.

12 redeeming miles.

Yesterday was yet another ‘sherpa run’ – at the tune of 12 miles.

I let it ‘marinate’ overnight before posting today, and just let the joy sink in.

For the very first time, I loved every single mile. I felt strong. I felt fast (for me!). I felt confident. I event caught myself smiling as we ran.

Smiling.

I never smile.

People walking their dogs or jogging past us probably think I’m either a) a huge bitch (even though I always wave and say good morning!) b) that I hate life or c) that there’s a bear chasing me and that’s the only reason I’m running.

Because I can imagine I look miserable.

But truthfully, I just am focused on my breathing, and ‘listening’ to my body, seeing how it feels, and well, running.

But yesterday? I could feel redemption almost from mile 1 (and mile 1 is ALWAYS my worst mile).

It was ‘chilly’ comparatively speaking to last week’s dreadful mental 11 miles, all of 50 degrees and I wore crops for the first time, rather than shorts. My hands were even pretty icy feeling at the start of it! But the air was thin, cool and absolutely perfect.

And the route tweaks were also worth doing. Rather than one long continuous route (which, as you know, I tend to favor over the same route looped!), I mashed together two different routes so the only ‘repeat’ road was one mile long (though the turn where we usually head back to our apartment complex was REALLY tough not to take!!), and that proved successful!

Fueling was also much better. I brought some honey stingers this time (thanks sis!) and my trusty healthy bites (thanks Lindsay!) and we brought two water bottles this time. Perfect.

I ran free, I ran joyously and I run-sherpa’d my heart out. M run sherpa’d ME perfectly too. He kept pushing me, told me how great we were doing, how we were pacing really well and to keep going, don’t stop, and charge up that mofo hill I hate. And I did. I hit every hill and didn’t stop. 

When we set foot at our complex, 12 miles later and in about 2 hours (!), though I was hurting and exhausted, I was thrilled.

We did it. Again. And redemption? Is so very sweet.

Next up…I think you know what, by now. Next week’s run is the milestone. And I can honestly say I can’t wait to tackle it.

*As I write this, my sister and Scott are *still* running their 22 miles…so mind-boggling as we texted bright and early at 5:15 am, as I headed to the studio, and she headed for her run. That is a long-ass time to run, just saying. Go sis and Scott, go!!!*