Lately, M and I have been watching Joel Osteen on DVR on Sunday mornings and this week, though it was a rerun episode, it really struck home with me. The episode (you can watch it here) was about letting go, and letting Him take the wheel.
Joel talked about how easy it is to fall into dissapointment, feeling bitter and let down, when something doesn’t work out. When you don’t get what you want. When life doesn’t go the way YOU want it to. But when you put your faith and trust in God, and let Him take the wheel to drive you towards your destiny, that is freedom.
Emotional and spiritual freedom.
Ding, ding, ding. You mean, trust that the RIGHT thing will happen at the RIGHT time? Yes, pray. Yes, have faith. Yes, try for your goals and dreams and aspirations, no matter how big or small. But when it doesn’t work out, when life goes in the opposite direction? Know that it was for the right reason.
When he said that, and gave some really good real-world examples of when live goes in the opposite direction you were praying it would, I suddenly felt calm. Joel said ‘it’s a freeing way to live. Not worrying. Trusting.’
Um, yeah, no kidding.
This goes right in line with my quest to quell my overthinking brain,to shift my focus, and to trust where life has led me, to know that anything I face, I can conquer. I think the biggest example of this for me, is two-fold. My divorce. Obviously. For as much as I try to recall the happiness in those ten years with my ex-husband (and can’t.), whatever happiness I had then, has NOTHING on the happiness I feel now, in a relationship with M, the man I truly believe I was meant to be with. As we drifted to sleep last night, I muttered to M, as I slid my face into the crook in his neck where it fits so perfectly, ‘I am so glad that we just ‘get’ each other so well. We have similar goals and interests and support each other so much. I love you.’ It’s amazing when I look back at the last 3+ years and think about how many times I questioned whether I would ever feel love again, and whether I’d ever meet someone that truly matched ME, not just sort of, not just mostly, not just in 9 out of 10 ways, but in every way. So to you, and to those I know are struggling with this very thing, let go. Trust. KNOW it will happen. And at the same time? Know that your decision, whatever it was/is at the time, was the right one.
At that same time, going through divorce, when I was really struggling with defining (and redefining) who I was, what I wanted to BE and where I wanted to take my life (this is the two-fold part, for those following along!), it was easy to slide into resentment, frustration and sadness, and not see the big picture. To see, as Joel says,’ the bigger view from God. That He may have closed the door, because you were believing too small, because you shouldn’t aim for second best. Trust him enough to take the wheel, to bring you towards your destiny. Don’t consume yourself with thoughts of bitterness, and unfairness, shake off the self pity, push aside the feelings of unfairness, let it go, move forward, confidently towards your destiny.’ <(paraphrased).
And now, looking back at what I have built up for myself, I know there were times where I may have been aiming for second best, or self-preservation mode (staying in a job for 2+ years too long, miserable, rather than pushing myself out of the comfort zone sooner, for a better, bigger opportunity, for example), or even, from a fitness perspective, forcing something that wasn’t ‘me.’ Group Kick…was not me. I thought it could be. But I’m no actress. My emotions are written all over my face. I’m naturally calm, deadpan (a little), and matter of fact. barre n9ne? Right. Up. My. Alley. One door closed, hurtfully, in a sense, at that time, but another door opened, just about 4 months later, and the rest…is history. I even think my ‘stint’ with running half marathons falls into this category. Wanting and willing for something that wasn’t me. That may never quite be me. Running for me, and my own challenges? Freeing myself of something that doesn’t fit? YES.
I guess I just have this topic in mind lately, as I have been talking to a few people, friends, family, etc, that are struggling with some goals, love, decisions, and change. And watching this episode of Joel Osteen’s ministry really reminded me, personally, to let go. Just a little bit more. To trust. And to those people struggling with some of these very same things? Please trust…whether you believe or not, trust yourself, trust this message, trust this premise. That everything truly falls into place at the right time. It may take patience, it may take courage, it may take shifting your focus and adjusting to the discomfort of leaping without a net or stepping out of the comfort zone. But no matter what? It’s almost always worth the risk.
So this is me….remembering to loosen the grip just a little bit more. To let go just a little bit more. To embrace that freedom.