Tag Archives: imperfection

A fun lesson in stepping back and letting go.

Last week, I found myself going into ‘nitpicky’ mode over a few type A peeves of mine with M. Leaving his belt on the bed. Every.single.night. when he gets home from work. Leaving the little tag from his dry cleaned shirt on the floor, and his socks balled up ON THE BUREAU, to name a few (hee), and it would put me into a sour mood for a stupid reason and it would snowball a bit from there. I was mad at myself for getting irritated, as it’s not the biggest deal for *me* to just pick them up, but once in awhile, I just feel like I am constantly walking around and picking up after what hurricane M has left behind 😉

On Saturday morning, after I got home from my b9 classes, M hugged me and sighed and said “I feel like we haven’t been ourselves lately. And I want to fix that.”

And it made me realize that I was a huge part of why we weren’t ourselves last week and not entirely connected. Silly reasons. Valid frustrations, sure, but legit problems? No. Not a chance.

So, I stepped back, and I told him I was sorry for being nitpicky and grumpy and naggy all week and I wanted to make the day better, and take a fresh perspective and outlook. Just breathe, shake it off, and move forward. Because, let’s face it, I have an amazing husband (and yes, he too, has an amazing wife, just sayin. hee), we have built an amazing life together, and there is no sense nitpicking the week away.

Beyond the nitpicking, I also notice that I have been far too controlling in what we make for dinner, how we decide what to have and what we make on date nights, particularly (date night in, our specialty!). So I issued a challenge that would be far ‘harder’ for me than it would be for M.

I tasked M with making ME dinner from start to finish, and I was not allowed to meddle, to clean around him, to tell him to cook ‘neater’ (yes, yes, I do actually say that…LOL), and just roll with it. And next weekend, I would do the SAME for him. A fun challenge, if you ask me, and a way to appreciate each other. M tagged pictures on instagram as #wifeappreciation dinner and I shall do the same next weekend. As much as I thought it would be hard to be in the dark, to stay out of the kitchen, and trust that whatever he would make would not only be tasty, but would also not break the caloric bank 😉

It turned into a lesson for me of taking a step back, releasing control, and embracing M for who is he – perhaps a messy cook, but a damn good one at that, and a man that truly DOES appreciate me, that does love and support me, and that may toss his socks and belt aside, but in the grand scheme, doesn’t matter in the slightest. And it turned into one of our most connected evenings together of late, and a needed one at that.

Sometimes releasing control and stepping back is far more valuable than I ever thought it would be.

Perfectly imperfect, and always learning and embracing.

Show up to life, and then stay there.

As I continue finding my way, learning my definition of balance, priorities and imperfection, I am continually amazed at some of the words I’ve been reading by the creator of the “Slow Down Challenge,’ Jeff Goins, so much so, that I am definitely in need of reading his book, “The In-Between,” because just the snippets I am seeing so far have blown me away.  My beautiful blend Lindsay sent me this read today and it hit every single thing I have been working on, struggling with and in some cases, railing against.

I am sharing snippets here, with my thoughts in bold. And? Watch the video at the end, it’ll blow you away.

Only recently, I have learned how pointless the pursuit of perfection is. All these seemingly ordinary moments, the less-than-remarkable times and things, are all we have. How do embrace where we are, no matter where that is?

We must let go. There is great freedom in acknowledging we can’t control every detail. Because a mess-less life is no life at all.

A mess-less life is no life at all. Wow. And all these years, I’ve focused on perspective, and embracing what life has thrown at me, embracing divorce, and starting from ground zero on almost every aspect of my life, yet, I have somehow lost that, just a little bit, in my inability to let go of control and embrace ‘mess’ more, and perfection far, far less. 

We must learn to be present. It means showing up to life and staying there, even when it feels normal. I’ve realized that there are no big moments, no huge epiphanies. There is only now and what we choose do with it.

Show up to life and stay there. No matter what happens, that’s really what it’s about, isn’t it? Stay in the life you’re in now, embrace the busy, embrace change, embrace new, scary, hard, different. Don’t rail against it. Our lives are here, right now, so focus on that, not tomorrow, not next week, or even next year. Because when that’s all you do, you’re not living. You’re yearning.

In other words, this is as good as it gets. Right here, right now — in the middle of the mess. This is perfection, if we choose to see it that way.

This life IS as good as it gets, and despite the noise surrounding us, the doubts, the imperfections,  the challenges, the struggles, it’s how we handle it, embrace it, use it as a catalyst for change that matters Perfection…redefined.