Tag Archives: drive

The journey…six years later.

**I’ve been ruminating on this post for a few days. Stops and starts. It may not flow, but it’s what’s in my brain, stream of conscious**
Six years ago, I got married. October 21, 2007.
Yet it feels *so* much longer than six years.
My life then to my life now? Is simply unrecognizable. While dates that used to bear significance to ‘that’ life used to hit me more, with time, they become duller and duller and now, just a memory of a lifetime that has passed.
But what doesn’t become dull is rejoicing in where I am today, vs. where I was then. In embracing my journey. In realizing that every step I took, every decision I made, was made with intent, and was made with empowerment and choice.
I shaped this life. Me. Nobody else. I went for what I wanted, I changed and evolved and became the me I am today for nobody else but myself.
And that is something I will cherish and embrace forever.
And it is something that is always within me, this drive for more, bigger, better. Truthfully, this drive sometimes causes me angst, unrest, and restlessness. The want for more, always and my ongoing journey towards simplifying, doing more by doing less, and being content with being perfectly imperfect.
And I circle back to my beginnings, which I define as the day I started my journey alone, independently, for the first time in my life, back in 2008, just about this time of year…which is probably why I am thinking so much about my beginnings lately. Late October has felt like the ‘bewitching’ time of year for me (and truthfully, no pun intended), conjuring up the juxtaposition between then and now and it humbles me. It brings me back to that drive, that motivation and that want for the best, always. In everything I do, every step I take, every barre n9ne class I teach, every press release I write, every action I take in all walks of life, from my marriage, to my job, to my passion (b9, of course!).
Which brings me to this…some more beautiful and striking words from Jeff Goins, a writer that strikes what I am thinking just right…in the below, and generally, in any of the blogs and articles I’ve read from him lately (see my post on the Slow Down Challenge here).
THIS.
When we embrace the journey and don’t just live for the destination, we discover a deeper life.
And this. Take a read of these…and I am pretty sure one, if not all of these, will resonate. To the next six years, beyond and further. To the journey.

10 lessons we learn from journeys

Journeys are important — both physical ones as well as figurative ones. They help remind us that we are not done yet, that life itself is a trip that we can make the most of or completely miss the point.So here are 10 brief lessons I learned from my trip. Maybe they’ll help you on whatever journey you’re taking:
  1. No journey is perfect. Take one, anyway. You will grow regardless.
  2. The destination is never quite what we expect. But without one, we wander aimlessly. So having a final arrival point is important if for no other reason than it gets you started.
  3. Only when we let go of what we think we deserve can we really enjoy what we have.
  4. Inspiration is everywhere. You just need eyes to see it. Yes, even in cornfields.
  5. The hard part isn’t getting from point A to B. It’s paying attention to what’s around you before you miss it.
  6. A journey is less meaningful when traveled alone. We need community to make the most of all experiences, even if that means finding it along the way.
  7. Art helps us process. A good book or great record not only helps pass the time; it gives language to an experience you might otherwise not be able to describe.
  8. Gratitude makes any experience better. It’s easy to want to be home or some place else but we have no control over that. Turns out all we can control is our attitude. So why not be thankful?
  9. The best journeys have a purpose. But expect to be surprised and even see that purpose change.
  10. If you accomplish nothing, see nothing, even feel nothing, take heart. Whether you realize it or not, you’ve changed. And this is reason enough to continue traveling.
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The love inside.

**I wrote this last night. I haven’t written much about M on my blog since sort of shifting gears away from that and more on exploring me, what shapes me and drives me,  and of course all things running, barre n9ne and fun and fit things…but sometimes, I feel compelled.**

It’s been one of those weeks where M and I feel like ships passing in the night. He’s had a lot of meetings at night all this week and that, combined with it being crunch time for his dissertation, and it’s meant basically waking up and going to bed next to each other (sometimes the going to bed part means I go to bed, he joins several long hours later!).

And the time we do have together this week, the limited time, has felt un-present. His mind is a million miles away thinking about his paper and edits and getting it done (one month and counting!!) and I’ve allowed myself to let random grumpiness out on him. The combination of all of this wrapped together and it’s been…an interesting week. (as I sit here kicking myself for putting on the grumpy pants in the first place. I mean really, grow up.)

So last night [edit: Tuesday], as we both admitted to some grumpiness, I gave him a kiss, told him that I loved him and went to bed. This morning, our eyes met, and it was as though we wanted to connect and do-over the last few days. As we lingered over the morning routine, I tried to show him more the love inside. The love I feel. The love I sometimes don’t show to him as much as I feel inside. I tend to hold back and reciprocate more than initiate. I still don’t know why I do that. When I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that M is the man that was meant for me. In every possible way. The man I love to the depths of my heart. 

We parted ways and I promised him that I would edit his dissertation for him. All 80 pages. And as I sat there reading, and reading, and reading…it struck me just how damn proud of him I am. His writing is impeccable (save for a few minor edits, it really didn’t need much!), his study is coming together and he’s drawing some really good conclusions and I honestly think this research will do so much for nurse practitioners all over the country. To be with someone that cares so much about what they do, how they can help initiate change, and is so passionate and driven…is the sexiest thing in the world. And it’s by far one of my favorite qualities about him. In addition to honor, respect, love and devotion. 

The love inside. Yet I don’t share this nearly as much with him as I should. And I plan to. And to continue to be mindful of him, our love, and making him feel as special as he always – always – makes me feel.

Because truly, he deserves that. More than deserves that. He is a blessing to me. And I couldn’t ask for anything more in a partner, soulmate, friend, and lover.

**And this morning? We woke up, worked out together and had breakfast together. And it was as if we silently read each other’s minds last night. It was indeed a beautiful morning. All feels ‘right’ again in our world…**

Blank.

I have at least 4 posts half-written and ready to go but none of them scream at me to post today. Yet I feel like writing. Does that ever happen to anyone else? So I figure I’ll throw down a few thoughts and updates and if this is boring as hell, feel free to bypass, but here’s what’s going on in my brain right now. Blank, yet so full of…stuff.

My next work trip is on Sunday. I feel like I just got settled back into the routine I ❤ so much, and it’s back to it. But after this, nothing scheduled (yet), though I imagine another trip may be in the works for late-Feb/early March. I am feeling especially anxious about this trip since it is my company’s annual sales kickoff, which means we’re cooped up in a hotel for 3-4 days, no rental cars, nada. (in other words, completely entrenched in meetings, dinners etc. with colleagues from all over the world). This also means complete out of comfort zone experience (similar to last year) as I have to mingle with people I don’t see very often, or at all, and I am not the best ‘mingler’ (sort of akin to networking, IMHO, or approaching new people/making new friends – both of which I am bad at!). But I am trying to focus on the positive, knowing that this year, I am not the newbie, and I do have some friends at work now (go me!).

(we won’t even talk about trying to fit in some workouts…that will come later!)

It is so nice to experience the transitions both of my sisters are in right now, knowing that it will mean more time together, and for them. For Jen, she just moved to our hometown, which is about 35 mins away from where I live now (vs. more than an hour before) and in visiting her yesterday, and a few emails last night, I am so excited to be able to see her and my niece far more regularly and vow to make that a reality with my work schedule as well (lunches with niece and sis during the week? Yes, please! tea and cupcake night with the sisters? yes, yes!). I can barely wrap my head around the fact that she is so much closer now. As for Jess, many of you read her blog and know she just got a new job, a job that allows her to work from home with some travel and one in-office day. After a job that had her commuting 3+ hours a DAY most times, this is a life changer. I am excited that she gets to experience this work/life balance like I do, and it makes me remember how blessed I feel to have a job that allows for remote working!

M is in the final stages of his dissertation. He presented his thesis project to his review board and got approval to get collegial approval yesterday. He was incredibly nervous, but he passed, as I know he would. And I am, of course, very proud. On April 14, he will present his thesis and know whether or not he graduates in May (if for any reason he does not, he can walk in May and graduate in the fall).  And he will officially hold a PhD in nursing practice. How cool is that? (on top of being one of the first nurse practitioners in the area to be able to individually accept new patients…and I get to write the press release announcing it, I can’t wait!). Proud, proud, proud.

(there’s something about determination and drive that is so sexy).

Welp, I think I have blabbered on enough. Guess I had more cohesive things to say than I thought, huh? Happy Monday, friends.