Tag Archives: 60 day challenge

Every single time.

Every single time I walk out of barre n9ne, I feel like I am finally starting to hit a good stride as an instructor. That I AM an instructor.

It’s been a little almost six months (!) since getting certified, and while there is a LOT more to learn, refine and develop…I just love teaching. Every single time.

Every single time, I feel that rush of adrenaline and excitement. I feel awake, alive, and refreshed (even if I may be crawling out of bed at 5:09 am – yes :09 to be exact – and wondering how on earth I’m going to be AWAKE enough to motivate, instruct and push!).

 

When I have a conversation with a 60-day challenger and see their elation over how well this program just works and how fit they are becoming and how motivated they are…it makes me proud. It keeps me motivated myself. Every single time.

And every single time, when I hear a groan, gasp or see someone shut their eyes and push through the burn, I smile. And then I push them more. 

When I look around, at my life, at my (busy) schedule, at my body, at my eats, at everything, it all comes back to barre n9ne and this lifestyle I’ve built for myself. I smile again. Every single time.

And every single time I have the opportunity, I pay it forward, my way of giving thanks, of spreading this passion, this life, this happiness. Because it truly is the balanced life I have looked for, strived for, yet never achieved the way I wanted. Until now. 

“Follow what makes you naturally curious…it will lead you to your passion and purpose.”

Expect many more pictures like this…fair-warning 😉

Food as fuel.

Food as fuel.

This is one of the biggest things I am learning about during this 60 day challenge and one that is helping me break free from what my equating food to joy. Pinpointing that I have developed this attachment has been extremely eye-opening because I didn’t think my love for food went beyond what I was considering normal love for food.

And while loving food may be normal and we should embrace the food that we eat and enjoy it, it shouldn’t equate joy. It should just be part of it.

I’m not saying that I’m only happy when I am eating. What I am saying is that I was looking at the premise of cutting back in some areas of my diet as deprivationthe antithesis of joy.

But what I have found is that you can enjoy food – in moderation – but look at it as fuel for the body and for all that I do, not as something I should look forward to, necessarily, as enjoyment (aka gorging on baked cheetos endlessly, hypothetically speaking, of course…).

And when I look at food as fuel, I STILL enjoy it!

Look at that…amazing, right?? Seriously though, in the past, when I was trying to ‘count points’ (a la weight watchers) or any other diets that feel restrictive (low carb etc), I hated it. I felt stressed, deprived and like I could never enjoy anything without cutting back in other areas to an extreme. But now, even though I am sticking to my ‘number’ I don’t feel restricted, I feel nourished and satisfied and have even found a way to enjoy some wine on the weekends (my one fear was that I’d have to cut it completely from my eating, but I think that fear was partially because I had conditioned myself to think wine = bad when honestly, it’s low in calories (5 ounces is actually a pretty good pour, I have realized)).

My readjustment to my way of eating now is well, an adjustment. Sure. It means planning ahead when I eat out. It means eating out less (which is fine by me!). It means being focused and making sure portions are correct. But it’s been a lot less hard than I thought. A lot less stressful than I thought. And a hell of a lot more rewarding than I thought.

And just in case you didn’t believe me…here’s a sample of what I eat in a day (my meals for today!)

Breakfast:

Cottage cheese with blueberries

Light raisin english muffin with organic crunchy peanut butter (YUM)

Snack:

handful of nuts

Lunch:

Egg salad (a la Lindsay’s DIVINE recipe!!) on a low carb wrap

Side of carrots and special K ‘cracker chips” <–these are so tasty! just got them, 110 cals and they are pretty simple, not much filler so to speak.

Watermelon

Snack:

Chobani Pineapple (YUM) with blueberries on top

Dinner:

Grilled boneless pork chop

stir fried kale (ahem, Lindsay, hehe), zucchini and leaks over Trader Joe’s gnocchi.

Dessert:

MORE watermelon or a Dove ‘promise’ <-haven’t decided yet. Game day decision tonight!

See? Not so bad, right?? Tons of goodies in there if you ask me 😉

So…food as fuel. What do you think?

Doesn’t it make so much sense to look at food this way as it takes away the cravings aspect of it…at least a little bit? It does for me, and honestly, it’s a freeing feeling. Weird maybe, but true (for me!).

Of frustration, jealousy, small rocks and motivation.

It’s been a week since I started my food log and just a few days ‘officially’ into the 60 day challenge, but I figured it would be good to use Sundays to share my thoughts on the journey so far, small (and big!) rocks, and motivation for the week ahead.

Frustration.

Running.  ‘Nuf said.

I’ve run twice in the past 5 days and the first was outside, by myself. I knew running alone would be a challenge since it’s even harder to try to control my breathing and keep going when I’m struggling. And it was a struggle. I won’t lie. I was frustrated as hell. I was more run/walking than running straight and I hate that. I just want to run, say, a few miles, without having to stop. That should not be so much to ask as I have done far more than that without stopping before (hello, half marathon), but now, even a mile straight feels insanely hard. I can’t breathe properly. I start to panic and my breathing gets out of control. So I stop and it takes me a few minutes to actually catch my breath. Not. Cool. Even with the inhaler (though I think I didn’t quite take two full puffs which may not have helped matters). Ended up with 4.5 miles, but again, some run/walking, which was very frustrating.

The second run was today. I opted for the damn dreadmill since we’re expecting the next 6-7 days of STRAIGHT RAIN. And if I’ve learned anything with my running struggles is that rain, cold air, and wetness in the air generally makes it even harder for me to breathe. I did okay with my breathing in terms of control, for the most part, but my stamina was again part of my struggle. Once my breathing got to a point where it was borderline tough to control, I slowed down to a fast walk/jog and my chest felt tight and heavy. Again, not. cool. I managed 3.5 miles, slightly better than the first run, but not by much.

I just want improvement. I just want the inhaler to do its job. I just want to run without hating it, without fearing it, and without anxiety. I know part of this is mental, but a huge part of it is very real. It scares me to think I may not be able to fix this. Failure isn’t an option. It’s just simply not.

~~

Jealousy.

Anyone that can run like a gazelle (I say this to M all the time when he trots along unfazed!). That can run for miles without pain or wheezing or feeling like one more step is not possible. Anyone that is improving.

I get jealous. I see the tweets, I read the blog posts,  and I get jealous.

I see my sister improving her running, getting her mojo back, and I get jealous.

And I HATE it. I hate being jealous. I hate comparing. I hate that I do compare myself. I am me, nobody else, so why do I still do it?

This goes hand in hand with my self-image and body issues. I bought this book today (thanks Sunshine, for suggesting it) and I am hopeful that it helps because I am sick of comparing and knocking myself down. I need to see myself the way you all see me (and thank you all that commented or addresses this with me in real life…including Tanya, from Barre N9ne. Thank you.)

~~

Small rocks.

Food log.

Kicks ass.

No, really, it does.

I am thinking before eating. I am planning ahead on weekends so I can have that extra glass of wine and still be within my calorie limits (yes, I have some priorities on weekends! I don’t want to give up wine, so I’ll smartly plan for it). I feel healthier. I feel perhaps lighter (perhaps mentally more than physically, who knows really), more energetic and hopeful.

Hopeful that this challenge is going to do so much for me in so many ways. But I have to put the work in. I have to be focused. I have to be motivated.

And I am.  I really really am. I thought the food part would be a much harder struggle. But so far, it’s not (and they say the first week is the hardest, and it really hasn’t been too bad. Just adjustments). I actually really recommend it to anyone that wants to reign in on their eating, or just see how many calories they tend to eat and reality-check that against what they maybe should be eating.

~~

Motivation.

We had our first 1:1 with Tanya on Saturday and holy wow, it was tough. In part because well, frankly, it’s a lot harder when it’s just the two of us with her in the studio. Less temptation to stop early or take a mini break. Even more focused on form and endurance.

I felt motivated. I felt like I was carrying myself differently. More purposefully. With more intent and awareness.

This is what I love about barre-based workouts. I already feel like I can see some slight improvements. That feels like another small rock and is so motivating.

So, despite my frustrations and jealousy? I am actually feeling pretty good about where this is going and how I am feeling. I am hopeful for change – mentally and physically. I am focused and feeling strong. I am motivated.

This week we have four classes and a fifth (hopefully) on Saturday outside at a park (SO fun). It’s going to be tough. But I can’t wait to get started (and hopefully have a few more chances at some runs that don’t suck quite as bad as the other two).

Happy Sunday all…enjoy the rest of it, mmk? I sure plan to.

(Re-reading this, I feel like one big ramble. I won’t be offended if you bypass this or are already sick of me waxing on about this stuff. But on the other hand, I hope some of what I say resonates with you, if you did read…)