The thing about planning.

Here’s the thing about planning.

I’m really good at it.

When I overplan myself.

When I plan something without bothering to consult with M…and it involves him (wouldn’t be so bad and overplanner of me if I had at least filled him in first, no?).

When I plan my day, my workouts, my eats. <-no seriously, I AM good at this, all joking aside hehe.

When I plan myself into a corner and don’t enjoy a damn thing I planned because I am so overplanned.

See? I’m really good at planning.

(insert hint of sarcasm here). 

This is why I am trying to UNplan as much as possible these days. To simplify. To allow for presence. Growth. Change. Progress. 

However.

But, here’s the thing.

I’ll fill you in on a little secret.

Despite how much of a planner I am, I actually hate planning. 

At least planning one thing. Marrying M. (notice I didn’t say ‘a wedding?’)

It’s no secret that we both want something small. Personal. As un-wedding-like as possible (but with a few frills, because let’s face it, I am somewhat of a girlie girl deep down).

But what that *is* has been so hard to figure out. And balance with what our families may want. What our friends may want. But ultimately? It goes back to what WE want. And whenever I sit down to talk about ideas, with M, with my sisters, with some friends, I end up all over the place.I get anxious. I stress.  I think I want one thing. And then I think I want another. And then I start to go down a path with one idea and realize there’s far too much planning involved and with each step, it’s becoming something unrecognizable, something in my heart that I don’t want. And then I am back to square one.

And that  makes me realize one thing: if it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.  Being uber planned for this, marrying the man truly of my dreams, makes me want to go screaming for the hills (with M in tow, of course).  So what’s the point??

So what does this rambling mean? Well. I am truthfully not sure.

Except for one thing.

I think I – we – need to do what is set in our hearts and disregard the opinion and wishes of everyone except for what we want. And that may sound selfish in a way, I think marriage and the way in which you celebrate uniting your lives together is such a personal one. And one that I don’t want to do in a way that appeases everyone, that is ‘everything to everyone’…except for us, except for what we want. So for the first time, I am relinquishing the ‘planner’ inclination in me, I am not going to rail against it anymore, and I am just going to follow my heart. We will do this the way we envision, taking no opinion into consideration except for our own.

Because, let’s face it, at the end of the day? When it comes down to it? It’s our day. And whatever form it takes shape as, it’ll scream US. And that’s all that matters. Whenever that may be 😉 All I know for sure is this: I an embracing the current season of my life and while I ‘can’t wait’ to officially unite our lives together, as M reminded me this morning as he wrapped his arms around me? ‘we already are married, as far as I am concerned. I promise to love you forever and never let you down.’

swoon.

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46 thoughts on “The thing about planning.

  1. You should definitely do what suits the 2 of you and not what others expect/want! I love the idea of simple and truly celebrating a MARRIAGE instead of a wedding. That’s what Peter and I wanted too with ours…and I still feel like we could have gone simpler and been happy with it. I’m sure it will be bautiful, meaningful, and perfect. Plus less wedding planning is always a good thing in my book.

    1. Thank you Tina! It’s so true, it really needs to be what we want, it’s so easy to get sucked into everything and everyone and opinion and such. but I want to do it right by US first and foremost, and celebrate the MARRIAGE, not the wedding. Less planning, awesome in my book!

  2. We just talked about this, but it has to be all about what the two of you want, and take everyone else’s advice w/ a grain of salt. I LOOVE what M said to you this morning, and frankly, that’s what it’s all about at the end of the day. Love you so much!

  3. My wedding wasn’t “us”. My parents planned it basically and while it was great, it was not us. However, our marriage is. So even if your wedding doesn’t end up being 100% “you”, your marriage still will be.

    1. I am so glad your marriage is, even if the day wasn’t AS much. That’s truly what matters anyway, that the marriage itself is, not just one day.

  4. <> M is so frickin’ sweet to you, I just love it.

    In other news: when you say you’re taking no opinion into consideration other than your own”, you did mean ‘your own/your sisters’ right?? hehehe I kid, I kid.

    SERIOUSLY — I want you two to celebrate this marriage, this forever union, entirely your way. As it should be. As I know deep down in your heart you WANT it to be. I’ll support whatever it is you decide to do with your special day, I love you both SO much and just want nothing but happiness and love for you both. always.

    xo!

    1. He is so sweet and sometimes I need to stop and realize that even more. Yesterday was one of those mornings <3. and yes, I will at least keep your considerations in mind, but beyond that, not gonna happen. Just need to honor US mostly. XO!

  5. i married a man who plans nothing and changes his mind 10x a day. It has allowed me to go with the flow more and follow that lead, most of the time. So yes, follow your heart, no plan, just go with it. Cause in the end, it’s all good! yes?

  6. I totally went through this too. It is so hard when you want to include everyone but then it seems the more people and opinions the less it becomes about you two. It is your day. It will come to you. The important thing is that there is no timeline but the one you give yourself.

  7. First and foremost, I love M. Seriously, what a doll!
    Second, honey if you hate planning…..don’t do it! Seriously! I’m reallllly good at jumping in and controlling any and all communications at work – but in the end I actually HATE it. So, I’ve tried my best to stop doing it. Yes I’m good at it, but it makes me bonkers!
    Lastly, I say fuck it – elope in wine country. Invite 10 people, have a ball, wear a girly dress, have a post-marriage party @ home so your bare friends can come celebrate you both. 😉
    XO

  8. Ugh, I’m not even close to being on the plan to marriage, but the thought of planning and appeasing people already stresses me out. Do what you want, everyone else be damned. Because this is your marriage, YOUR day. And you know what? Some day those people won’t even remember those details of your wedding, but they sure will remember how much they celebrated love. So make sure you’re celebrating the things you and M want.

    Oh, and M. makes me swoon – seriously, so freaking cute and romantic! 🙂

    1. M makes me swoon too 🙂 ❤ Appeasing and planning gives me hives. You are right, the details won't matter later to anyone but us, no matter how we do it. So that does help make me feel better and at peace with however we do it!

  9. Ironic that I watched the Wedding Planner last night:)

    You are the only one that can speak up for YOU. You have the right attitude and mindset about planning and not getting wrapped up and losing focus of the whole point of the ceremony.

    I love that you feel already married, you have the best head on your shoulders!

    1. That’s too funny!! I don’t want to get too wrapped up and lose focus, that’s exactly the point. I was already starting to and hadn’t even planned anything!! thank you!

  10. Ahhh, yes. I remember this well. It can be very, VERY overwhelming. Looking back, this is what I would have told myself in those planning days:

    The only thing that friends and family will remember about the day is the LOVE that you and your future husband have for one another. The looks that you give each other. Not the flowers, the decorations, or even the dress. They will remember the love in the air. Cheesy? Yes. But true.

    Also, have a celebration – big or small, in any shape or form – that you can look back on and smile. And the only way to do that is to do what makes you happy.

    You will figure it out 🙂 And it will be magical.

  11. Definitely agree that your wedding should be about you guys and not everyone else. I think so many weddings and ceremonies tend to be done just for the sake of others, because that’s what’s expected. When what people really remember is the party, the celebration aspect.

    1. So true, so many ARE for the sake of others and I don’t want that. Because those people? Probably don’t REALLY even care as much as those planning think they do, ya know?

  12. I went through this when Jay and I got married, too. Ultimately we did what was good for us (which didn’t make our families that happy – lol), but it ended up being the most PERFECT day! What matters most is how you feel about each other. 🙂

  13. I can totally relate to this post. Last time round, I got beyond stressed with family and friends demands. Even my hen party wasn’t me, even though I enjoyed it, I would have preferred something more low key. Next time when I meet the proper prince, I’m going to do what you’re doing and just do what works for me and my man.

  14. Yup, I am 100% in agreement that you should disregard everything that doesn’t work for the two of you. Or I can plan it for you. Either way. 😉

    Just kidding, but seriously, to each his own. Whatever celebration you do should reflect the two of YOU. I am not that big on tradition these days unless it’s the tradition of making your own tradition. I seriously hope I get a chance at both the wedding and marriage “thing” because this next time around, I am much more concerned about authenticity and emotion than about centerpieces. I think you have your priorities straight lady. Kudos.

    1. LOL please plan it for me 😉 You are so creative! hehe. But yes, our priorities are not a wedding. They are completely different. And beyond that, it’s just about being MARRIED that we want, not all the rest. We don’t *need* it. XO!

  15. Definitely do what suits you two. It’s so much more about the marriage and not the wedding. I loved my wedding, but I really wish that Tony and I could have done it our way. I would have rather eloped and not had any sort of ceremony at all. It’s hard to explain on a blog comment level, but I would have rather lived with the memories of a private ceremony than the memories of a ceremony that didn’t include my family (none of which came to my wedding). Tony and I have been happily married for almost 18 years and while I wouldn’t change a thing as far as our marriage goes, the wedding was definitely not us. Oh well, we were young and adults definitely took it over. So, I’m definitely with you on doing things your way and not letting others influence your decisions as far as the official “getting married” part goes.

    1. I vote you elope for a vow renewal 😉 I completely understand what you mean in your comment, and am so very glad your marriage IS you and completely wonderful, 18 years later. Amazing!

  16. Not selfish at all. This is and should be about you and M. I know that I definitely had a really had time with that when planning our wedding – managing all the different expectations from so many different parties. It should be about celebrating your marriage rather than wedding as a party, if that makes sense. And while some feeling may be hurt at first, in the end, everything usually works out and people realize that they were more caught up in the idea of a party than what the day is supposed to be about.

    1. Exactly, eventually anyone would get over it, at least I would hope. There truly shouldn’t be such expectations, imho, everyone needs to put themselves into the couples’ shoes and realize that I think, sometimes!

  17. I used to plan the extreme high school. I had every hour and stuck to that schedule like a T. If something went wrong/didn’t get something done it really really stressed me out. College has really taught me that some of the best moments are ones not planned 😀

  18. You should DEFINITELY do what you and M want and NOTHING else. I know it will be beautiful and amazing.

    And I’m totally about to cry (it could be that I miss K fiercely right now after being away for 6 days – or you guys are that beautiful…or both.)

    XOXO

    P.s. whatever you decide I better be invited 😉

  19. I am right there with you on this and have said the words just like you calling it selfish but in a good way. This is your life and your day and it should be about you and for you and everyone else whoever is there should be the people that can honor that. I have a feeling when I marry next it will be with my guy and my kids and that’s it and then have a big after party to celebrate but not a traditional wedding ANYTHING… you go girl…make it your own!

    1. exactly. It needs to be about us, or else, what is the point of doing anything at all? That’s how I feel about it. There may be a few bruised feelings at first, but eventually, anyone that may have been upset will get over it and just be happy for us. at least I hope so 🙂 XO!

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