When I started blogging on February 21, 2009, (on my first/old blog), I was three months into my separation with my ex-husband. And I wanted to chronicle it. From sadness, to pain, to anger, to learning, and growing and everything in between.
Fast forward more than three years and I find myself at a crossroads. Where I (again) want to pull back and chronicle less about my life and just…live it.
I love this blog. I love this haven. I love this family of friends that I have made because of it.
But when I am not blogging or not reading blogs or not tweeting or reading tweets, I don’t miss it.
I realized this last week in wine country. When I was doing little more than posting pictures on instagram and haphazardly posting a pic or two on Facebook, and barely looking at Twitter, that I didn’t miss it. I didn’t feel like I had to catch up. I didn’t feel like I missed out on anything (FOMO!)
And not because I don’t still love reading about my ‘friends’ lives, from those I read (still) on divorce, to life, to running and fitness, to food. Because I do. But I don’t feel the penchant I did before to keep track of it all, all the time. To write about my daily life. And not even to write about M or our life and love together. (I think I am at a point where I love M *too* much to really share much of that here, in depth, anymore. If that makes sense).
So, I guess…this is just me putting pen to paper to say that right now, I just plan to live more, chronicle less.
Sure, I’ll still post a couple times a week, when I have something to say. I’ll still read blogs that I love. I may not comment as much, but I will be reading. This isn’t goodbye. This is just a shift in focus for the next little while.
Because I was getting to a point where I was being ‘too connected’ online and not as connected in living.
And those roles should really be reversed.
Life is too short to be anything but present.
Determined. To Be... 
I have done this exact thing…pulled back. I love blogging and being connected, but I also love being in the moment. It’s been a road for me to figure out where and how to invest my time. I think I am finding balance. I will take every week or two and read thru my favorite blogs. I often find inspiration, new ideas or a change in perspective from the blogging community. I LOVE this!
But I also do not feel the need at this point to be connected to my computer or phone 24/7. I do not feel the need to post a blog because I feel it is an obligation. When my heart feels like it has something to share or writing seems like good therapy, I will. No pressure . I think that you too will find peace in this. Embracing the now 🙂
What you just wrote is exactly what I mean. The exact approach I am taking too. I too find lots of gems of inspiration and tidbits that help me with perspective and life and everything, so I wouldn’t ever give that up completely. But for me, I just don’t need to be doing much of the writing myself anymore, at least not right now. Sometimes, yeah, but not always. Embracing it too!
I am not kidding with you when I tell you that I’m on this exact same page. I’m getting ready to write the almost exact same post.
It’s perfect for both of us at the point we’re at in our lives.
Great minds? I just have struggled a lot with simplicity and living and not being so connected is helping me get there. I thought it would be harder, but right now, it’s not.
Me too! I’ve been dead at work, giving me the ability to blog a lot still, but when I’m not at work, I don’t want to. I’ve even been leaving my computer at home when I stay at K’s house.
Exactly. It’s nice to step away in the evenings anyway!
Nothing wrong with that! It’s so so so important to do that. 🙂 I think that’s why I love instagram so much because it’s easy and you can always snap a quick photo while you’re out there LIVING! XO
Ya know, that’s what I love about instagram too! Almost a mini post, a quick capture into a moment or a fun thing. I almost wrote that in my post actually, how funny. Great minds? LIVING feels good 🙂
This is a crossroads I’m finding that I’m hitting too…and I’m not really sure what it means for me/my blog yet but your post hits on exactly what I’m needing more of in my life – connections, and not of the electronic variety either…
Exactly what we talked about on our run with the bunnies in wine country! <–can't say THAT everyday! 😉 XOXO
I. TOTALLY. AGREE.
When GJ and I are together, I disconnect… except for the “here and there” as you mentioned. On the weekends with the kids, I disconnect… because I want them to know that I’m PRESENT. When I have time to myself, I may read a bit… but not near as much as I used to. I want to nurture ME in those moments.
My traffic stats have taken a hit since I’m not blogging 5-6x a week but ya know what? I’m (mostly) okay with that. Sometimes, I just get tired of chronicling, as you said. Sometimes, I just want to BE.
Good on you, Jo. Love.
See, I am finally seeing that I was NOT doing the disconnecting except ‘here and there’ as much as I thought I was. It just got to a point where it became pointless, WHY was I doing it? WHY did I feel like I needed to be up on everything? I don’t. I’m missing out on important things, like life! My life is full, and I just want to enjoy and appreciate it. my trip proved that so much!
It’s especially noticeable when you disconnect for several days. It seems like it takes too much effort to catch up again. I think that’s when we throw in the towel a little.
Totally agree. But then you also realize that you didn’t miss THAT much either Some, but not a lot!
I almost used that quote recently. I’m definitely feeling the same tendencies. I think perhaps it’s a natural course for bloggers? I will say that I do sort of miss interacting – but honestly, not with everyone you know? And that might sound terrible. I have a few bloggers (like you, Jess, Lindsay, Sarena) that I look forward to reading posts, seeing your tweets, FB updates and look forward to seeing your comments on my blog. But sometimes it feels more like work. And it really takes so much precious time.
I think it is natural for us sometimes. I would miss interacting, so of course there is that handful (you of course!) that I will always be ‘up’ on, but I just don’t feel the need to be AS up on things generally, and mostly on my blog. I don’t want it to ever feel like a have-to, but a want-to.
LOVE that you are disconnecting. Blogging and all this social media is great, but living your life offline is SO much better. I hate that I don’t always comment on every blog post my friends write, but they know I’m still engaged and now what they are up to. That will have to do for right now.
It REALLY is. I am SO adopting your mentality that you just blogged about recently. I didn’t realize how much I was NOT disconnecting even if I thought I was. And you’re right, friends know you are engaged and ‘there’ even if not writing or commenting.
I agree! sometimes it’s nice to just live your life and not feel like you have to post every day or comment every day or that you’re missing out if you miss a post. life is what happens when you’re busy tweeting 😛
Exactly. Life happens when you’re busy tweeting – I need a t-shirt!!
As much as I like chronicling my life and reading the lives of others, I always cringe when I read “I was a bad blogger, I didn’t take a picture.” or something like that. Sure, it’s fun to document, but you don’t have to document everything! (You as a whole, not you as in you.)
Oh God, I hate that too – ‘bad blogger’ syndrome. oh please. unless you are a paid, super popular, PROFESSIONAL blogger, that statement is ridiculous.
i feel the same exact way friend! i love that you spoke my exact thoughts! Live more, worry less, chronicle less, and just be!
These are SO YOUR WORDS!! And I need to live them far more than I have!
I feel like I’m on the exact same page in a way…I love writing, I love blogging, I love posting about my successes and failures and everything in between. I hate Twitter. I admit it. Hate it. I feel like I have to follow so many people…and I feel terrible if I miss a tweet from, say, you, and you tend to respond to mine. I can’t keep up! I have two kids, will be trying for a third, applied for my first serious job in a year+, and I just don’t like being attached to my phone 24 hours a day. I don’t mind Facebook. In fact, I prefer it. Twitter? Hate it. I love being disconnected and not feeling the need to be on top of things all the time. For the very reason you do. Life happens. I’ve finally stopped apologizing for that. And commenting? Want to know my opinion on that?
I HATE that I comment on some of the bigger blogs…specifically people I’ve known since before they got “big”…and they NEVER respond back or visit or comment on my blog. Maybe 5% of the time, I hear something back/on my blog. This is why I’ve stopped unless it’s a super post.This is half the reason I’m not sure I ever want to push to become a bigger blog…I don’t want to be that “successful blogger who never shares the wealth”. Engage, dammit!! I comment on your blog…and several others all the time, because a) I love reading about your life, and b) you’re a true friend…and no matter how busy I get or how often I disappear from your blog, you still come around. And that means SOOOOOO much to me. It’s never “I give, you better give back”. It’s friendship.
PS: Your love M too much to post about us bit? Exactly why I don’t post about H or the kids very often. 🙂
Yes, stop apologizing. Post when you want, when you can and when you feel most compelled. Not each and every thing. And I agree with you on commenting. I think engagement back is important, otherwise, WTF are you blogging for in the first place, to ignore people? I mean, not every comment NEEDS a response, but I think it’s important to do as often as you can. And I love what you say about H and the kids, looove 🙂
It sounds like you’ve hit on something here my friend. Lately, I’ve been catching myself thinking that there’s got to be a happy medium somewhere here. I agree – I love my blog and my friends and all of it but I don’t like being and feeling like I need to be connected all.the.time. I can’t. I hate the feeling of, “omg I have to blog tonight” and having that hand over my head or feel guilty that I haven’t been on Twitter as much or whatever. There’s a part of me that misses a piece of it like hearing updates from people that I care about but there’s just so much noise mixed in there. Like you said, we need to go out and live our lives rather than just document it. And totally get (and love) that you love M too much to share him here.
Happy medium, yes. When it gets to a point that you are stressing about ‘having’ to blog tonight? That’s not worth it. I realize that as much as I liked blogging daily for awhile, if I miss a day and don’t post, that doesn’t change a damn thing, now does it? Who cares! I think we should all take this approach more often 🙂
I feel the exact same way! Blogging used to be such a priority, but now my feeling is “If I have something to say I will, but I’m not going to post just to post”. I know my friends will be there no matter what! 🙂
Exactly. We are here no matter what, no matter how often or how infrequently you post!
So many people wrote “ditto!” in the comments – and I’m one of them! Although, I have to say, I *wish* it was more about just living life – I feel like I don’t have time to blog/read/comment/stay connected and do my freakin’ day job. I don’t need time to enjoy, I need time to work!
Gah! What, I can’t do everything?? Are there not 24 useable hours in every day??
I know, right? While it would be nice to JUST read blogs all day, there is that thing called work. WTF? 😉
It is much easier to just blog when you feel the need and not the pressure. Good for you!
Totally is. Your approach, for example, WORKS. I love your posts, no matter how often you write.
I wrote this great, long comment on reasons why I agree with you, blah, blah, blah. But then WordPress forced me to login and I forgot my password and by the time I retrieved it, it lost my comment. 😦 Anyway, great post. I never understood how people had so much time to write long elaborate posts with beautiful photos multiple times a day. Personally I prefer quality over quantity. And like you said, just because I don’t always comment, doesn’t mean I’m not reading.
I hate when that happens re: lost comments!! I know, I don’t know how people write such long posts every single day. I guess I don’t have THAT much to say. Who knew?! I like reading some of those types of posts, but not always. It just depends.
Can I give you a standing ovation? I love this post! When it’s gone, you’re just fine. I realized that on my trip to New Orleans.
I think chronicling things you want to say on whatever timeframe you want is appropriate. Nobody gives us a schedule.
I 100% support this!
So glad you agree too! It’s crazy, isn’t it? Sort of a huge a-ha moment for me, truly. We make our own rules with our blogs and social media consumed, not anyone else! LIVE! Less chronicling!
I think this is totally in line with the balance you have found. So often you see bloggers who turn straight to the blogosphere instead of dealing with their issues in the now, or revelling in their real life successes with real life loved ones. As much as I love reading your blog almost every day, I also love that you’ve reached this realisation 🙂
On the other hand, I have (had?? Not sure… she’s kind of MIA!) a friend IRL who is chronically shy and didn’t have much of a social life to begin with outside of me and two or three old highschool friends. But when she began to blog she just disappeared into the bloggy world and became this whole other person. Some would call that realising your potential, but I’m not entirely convinced that a) part of it are really her, or b) that she carries the positive stuff and the social skills she learns in the blogosphere back to real life, like you seem to. So thanks for keeping it real – I’m sure your friends and family appreciate it!
Thank you so much Vanessa, for such kind words. I am trying to strike that balance I am always talking about and think this approach is really where I want to go right now. As for your friend ,that is a great example of what I never want to be, different here than I am normally. Sad when it happens. I always want to be real.
I’m right there with you. I’ve been going through a similar thing this spring/summer. Like you, I don’t miss it when I don’t do it. I used to feel like I “should” write a certain number of posts per week and that I “should” make sure to tweet at regular intervals. Honestly, I think about pulling the social media plug altogether sometimes. However, I’ve learned so much about myself through doing this and have grown quite attached to blog friends such as yourself.
Good job getting in touch w/ how you’re really feeling about all of this. Things change. We change. And that’s a good thing!
It is hard to break away from this sometimes, but right now, it feels like the right thing to do. Post when I have something to say but not nearly as often…because sometimes, I just don’t have much to say or want to say. I just want to live. Change is good! You are right!
I love this and heartily concur. Our lives are so different than they were when we first started blogging, and our reasons for blogging are, too. I’m thankful that through our blogs, we met and became friends. I look forward to the day when we live more and chronicle less together :). xoxo
They really ARE so different, but in a very good way. I love our parallels right now, in a sense. It is great to see the evolution! and I hope one day we finally DO MEET!!