Run-imations: The mental run in my brain.

*A (possible) new mini-series on my ruminations run-imations on running: A snapshot into my brain, on the good, the mental, and even, the bad runs. What I learn, what inspires, what challenges*

Hem and haw.

Hem and haw.

It’s national running day and I didn’t run. What’s up with that (this was yesterday, btw)? Maybe I should run anyway. (note: I actually had planned to run, but woke up hit by the tired stick-got-run-over-by-a-bus feeling and nixed it in favor of extra cuddles with M, as we could sleep in a bit later that particular morning!).

*shelf thought for later*

Tick-tock. Afternoon rolls around. The sun starts peeking through. I see tweet after tweet and blog title after blog title about national runner’s day and how did you celebrate it. (But I didn’t get to!! Wahh!)

I debate going for a solo run (something I keep shying away from, even though I know I used to LOVE running alone. And want to get back to it). I consult my sister. We discuss over Skype. Decide that I will run at 3 if I feel up to it. I go back and forth. And back and forth. And back and forth in my head. Do I? Don’t I? Do I? Don’t I? Opt for a walk to start and if I get the urge, I’ll run (like my strange way of ‘compromising’ with myself?!).

I set out. And it’s raining (but sunny!). Fail.Β 

Decide that’s my sign not to run for the day. Decide that it’s okay not to run on national running day – a la this girl, who so aptly put it – today I don’t run because I love to run.

*end scene*

Today: I teach barre n9ne at 6 am and 7:30 pm and tend to NOT run on this day usually, because teaching twice takes a bit of a toll on the legs, no matter how much I try not to *do* too much and just demonstrate. Never fails to give me some sense of ‘dead legs’ feelings!

But I was determined to run anyway, since I didn’t run yesterday.

(there goes that stubborn brain when it comes to running…sometimes I just need to let go of what I schedule for the week in my head, and let it go. I’m working on it.)

On my drive to the studio around 5:30 am, I’m dreading this run…

I really wish I ran yesterday. This was a bad idea. Teaching 3 times in 2 days and planned 2 runs anyway. Idiot.

*teach class…’do’ a little more than I intended. Mentally kick myself at the end*

Walk outside, text M: meet me for a quick run? (even though I really want to nix it).

Drive home. Starts to sprinkle. Secretly hope it keeps raining and I wuss out change my plans. But it stops the minute I arrive at our apartment. (and then secretly hope M isn’t waiting for me outside and doesn’t want to run).

But there he is, looking slightly sleepy, but expectant. Ready to go (damn, he’s so cute. swoon.).

Which way do you want to go? This way? That way (discussing routes)?

We opt for a 5K distance, in part because M has to get to work, and in part because his legs, and mine, are feeling dead-legged.

We set out.

Dammit, my legs are killing me. This sucks. Maybe we shouldn’t have gone. Maybe this is a bad idea.

panicpanicpanic.

We stop for a minute, I catch my breathe. *mentally kick myself for panicking. It’s just a flipping run! get over it!*

We start again. Legs are super tight, but slowly start to loosen after the first mile.

And then…halfway in…there it is:

M: a bunny! look!

Ahhh look at him, he’s so cuuuuuuuute. How does he hide so well in GREEN grass?! He’s brown! OMG he’s sooo cuuuuuute. What do you think he’d do if I went over to pat him?

M: um, probably hop away.

Good point. Maybe we do live in bunnyville after all!!Β 

*huge grin on my face*

We set back towards home.

This run feels so much better, why do I work myself into such a tizzy? I’m sweating, I’m working, but I feel good. It’s always the first mile that kills. After that, it eases up. Remember this next time, will ya?!

And then, just before we turn down towards the final stretch? TWO MORE BUNNIES!!!

*insert more oohing and aahing over bunny sightings galore*

~~

I swear, this is my thought process on at least 80% of my runs. At least to start. While I have quelled a lot of the overthinking, I still usually start with a bit of dread, and always abhor the first mile or so. And I know this is probably pretty normal (at least the first mile abhorrence part!), yet I still feel captive to my mentalness about it far more often than I’d like. But the more I can turn these mental runs into strong finishes? The better I’ll be at turning the mental game around that much quicker. My run-imation for today: keep going, it just gets better.

(what do you think of this little series?! Run-imations? I just felt like I needed something to capture my thoughts on my runs moving forward, now that my run-challenge is over. And hey, who doesn’t love the word run-imations? ;-P)

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24 thoughts on “Run-imations: The mental run in my brain.

  1. omg hahahahah I am cracking up at the “bunny scene” above. I legit could’ve been there, it was that vividly described, hehe! And actually, I felt like I was “in” your head for all of this, listening to you go back and forth, questioning, wondering, panicking. I’ve seen this all before from you but on a GIANT scale. This? This is nothing. This is you overcoming, quelling, tough love-ing yourself out of the self-doubt creep and realizing that running is NOTHING to be scared of, running is fun, running is awesome, running is YOU! See? No big whoop. You got this. πŸ™‚

    1. Well, you ARE in my head half the time, because we skype about this kind of thing all the time hehe! And the bunny scene? YES. We are two pees in a pod on that πŸ˜‰ They are so flipping cute, I cannot stand it. As M said – next best thing to a cat…a bunny! πŸ˜‰ A man after my own heart.

  2. the moment you start to overthink on running, do this… stop… ask yourself.. why am i running? Then don’t think about it again for 10 minutes.

  3. that is SO my thought process the first mile “gah this is so hard! Why do people do this, this is stupid! yadda yadda yadda” two miles in, I’m all “man this feels good! i love early morning runs!”
    although i got up at 5:45 am thi smorning and when i tried running was greeted with some huge knee pain. bleh. i’m taking another break til saturday!

    1. LOL – why do people do this, this is stupid! haha! So true! And it starts to feel better and better and then you realize how silly you were in the beginning. Mind is so powerful isn’t it?? Hope your knee pain goes away!!

  4. LOL see…you miss bunnies if you skip a run πŸ˜‰ teehee. I totally understand those moments of dread though and then you get started and you’re like, “See this sucks, told ya so.” But then somehow, those can end up being great runs. Love it when that happens.

    1. LOL! Yes! You DO miss the bunnies if you don’t run!! And I literally laughed reading ‘see this sucks, told ya so!’ because I SO want to be right and half the time I am so NOT! Love when they turn out so good!

  5. I definitely do not really ever look forward to running and I hate it for the first 20 minutes or so but then I end up liking it. I just tell myself that’s going to happen and make myself get through the hard parts. And I didn’t run on National Running Day either!

  6. The longer I put something off the worse it sounds in my head and it just drags on. And I definitely have days where a 1/2 mile feels like forever and sometimes you can make it out of your rut, other times you have to recognize it’s not your day.

    I’m glad you had a fluffy encounter to turn it around! And I love that post about not running bc I love to run – amen!

    1. You are so right! The longer you put it off, the LESS you want to do it!! The fluffy encounter (love that!) definitely turned it around πŸ™‚

  7. LOL I love reading about your thought process. And the bunnies!! I find that the first 20 minutes or so are the hardest for me and I think way too much. But once I get past that, I’m usually fine…I think. Yes, love the idea for this series! Please continue.

    1. Hehe! Fun to blog out the thought process sometimes, isn’t it?? The first 20 mins is always the hardest! It’s SUCH a mental game!! And I will continue this series πŸ™‚

  8. Bunnies. That right there says it all…you were meant to go on that run, because a) you and Jess both talked about bunnies all season last year and b) seeing them meant everything was okay and you were meant to be out that day, difficult or not. Right?

    I had that mental run two days ago. My short run. 2 miles. I hated it. Every bit of it. I’m thoroughly enjoying 4-6 these days…crazy isn’t it? Who woulda thunk it? It’s a very mental game…and even Kara Goucher has those days – I read her article in RW last year. Or the year before. I can’t remember. lol The best of the best have days like that, and it’s normal. We’re not perfect. We aren’t machines. We don’t just flip a switch and go. There are a million things we’d rather do…but once we’re THERE…past that first mile…it does get better…and that’s when we see why we love it so much.

    1. BUNNIES!! The best! And it was meant to be a good run no matter what, cuz we saw bunnies and were meant to be out that day. Isn’t it crazy that sometimes the shortest run is the hardest?! And you are so right – we are human, not machine, it isn’t meant to be easy, and sometimes those days suck, and sometimes you realize YET AGAIN WHY you run.

  9. This is hilarious, but I understand. I get that way too – just that “I don’t wanna” feeling…and sometimes you’re better off just going with it as long as it’s not all the time!

    You and your bunnies! LOL

    1. Right! The I don’t wanna! Sometimes it’s stronger than other days, and usually I feel better when I DO go out and run! Bunnies!!

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