Why I keep my blog semi-private (and why M doesn’t read it).

I realized when I wrote about throwing M a surprise party that some of you didn’t realize that he doesn’t read my blog.

And that’s been by design.

So has keeping my blog semi-private, generally. My first blog began the same way, generally private (anonymous, mostly) but after realizing that certain people were reading it that I had never shared it with (which I realized could happen just by nature of social media and its virility anyway), I started this blog. And used a different username. And decided to continue with it being more private than most. And decided that I would continue to not actively share it with M. Or post it on Facebook. Or post it on  my public Twitter. And keep my Twitter that is tied to this blog protected (even though I know it can still be found and the link is on there, my protected tweets are more so I can say whatever I want and not worry my employer, for example, will see it and some of the random, sometimes TWSS-ish tweets!)

It’s not like I don’t show M some of my posts. Because I do. Remember when I shared my story with him? That was a powerful moment. And whenever I do choose to share a post with him, it’s with intent. Because sometimes what I write about are things we have yet to discuss (but eventually do actually discuss…like my ‘on marriage’ series. We had such a good conversation about it last night. I love when we get into deep conversations. It’s…sexy). He respects why I keep it to myself. He doesn’t try to dig. He reads if I share it with him, but won’t even look over my shoulder as I am writing. He ‘gets’ it.

But, keeping my blog semi-private (I say semi because I am realistic in knowing that it’s still easily found and I know people that I may have wanted to ‘lose’ from my old readership have probably found it again. But ignorance is bliss, isn’t it?) has some downfalls, too. Sometimes I get frustrated that I go through dry spells where it seems as though what I am saying is just not resonating (when in reality, I just simply have a smaller audience by nature of semi-privacy and protected tweets!). It’s not like I need a zillion hits on my blog to keep me going, I just look forward to reading others’ perspectives, viewpoints, advice etc. Don’t we all? And sometimes, I DO want to share some of my posts on Facebook. Ones about barre n9ne, or running, all of the non-super-personal ones. (that’s usually when I choose to guest blog for my sister’s blog or anyone else’s that I may do it for on occasion).

So, while I intentionally choose to keep my blog semi-private, there are some downsides to it. But it’s all worth it. Because it allows me freedom to write as I please, not worry about an audience so much, and continue to share my deeper personal beliefs, experiences and learnings…post-divorce, from running, from life, and from my job.

My blog is my haven. It’s where I feel free. It’s where I can be the most authentic me. And isn’t that what blogging is all about in the first place? 

 

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34 thoughts on “Why I keep my blog semi-private (and why M doesn’t read it).

  1. “My blog is my haven. It’s where I feel free. It’s where I can be the most authentic me. And isn’t that what blogging is all about in the first place? ” <—- YES I absolutely agree. I see so many blogs that are all about selling something, making money, me me me. I stop reading those. For me it's about the camaraderie, friendships, not money or fame, or whatever other reason

    1. So right! it is about camaraderie, like-mindedness and FRIENDSHIP. Not about anything else. at least for me. For those that do it for other reasons, I respect that, but for me, this is my haven. No other goal.

  2. This is something I really admire about your blog — it’s as genuine, as real, as true to you as it could ever possibly be. You always write with your true voice, you write from the heart, you write for you. I love that you continue to honor that to this day, no matter what shape or form or direction your blog takes. I look up to you as a blogging superstar, you know 😉

    1. Aww thank you sis, so much. Especially that you look up to me. Because I look up to YOU for all that you have built your blog into. It’s an awesome place, and with some awesome friends I have met through yours as well. And it’s passionate and YOU.

  3. I love that you do this. It represents you as a whole and I totally respect that, and it’s what brings me back to read day in and day out (other than the fact that you’re a super awesome friend). XOXO

  4. My man gives me the same respect and privacy regarding my blog. Occasionally he will ask about it because I don’t talk about it like I used to. I’m also not blogging as much as I used to.

    I’m with you though. Sometimes I do want to share it because I think I write some pretty interesting viewpoints! Then I remember the stories that created the viewpoints and I’m thankful it’s nearly anon. 🙂

    1. I love that he respects yours as well!And you DO right SO many interesting and thought-provoking posts that I bet you would love to share, just as I would. But at least we are sharing it with each other 🙂 And I like a little bit of privacy!

  5. I can leave my dashboard for wordpress wide open and Hardscape won’t look. he is so good that way:) I just show him some from time to time if asks. It is nice to having a safe haven to go to.

    1. I could too! How funny. Our men are very respectful, aren’t they? I can’t say I wouldn’t be nosy if roles were reversed (at least be a little tempted!) 😉

  6. Totally admire you for this and completely agree. My blog is my haven and it’s for me versus writing for readership, etc. The blogs that I’m drawn to and that I keep coming back to are those that are real and genuine, that share stories and that create connection and that’s what I love about yours.

    1. ((hug)) thank you Christine!! I am so glad to have ‘met’ you and be reading your blog and journey now too. It’s incredibly real and honest and not hiding behind pretense. Love that 🙂

  7. I see what you’re saying, to a certain extent (and you know I love your blog!). But some of the down-falls that you touch upon about keeping your blog semi-private can also be viewed as benefits that are actually desired when embarking down the blogging road. At least, for me anyway.

    I really want that “build a community” aspect from my blog and I hope to somehow achieve that someday. Maybe I’ll do it with my current blog, or maybe I’ll do it with a spin off. Maybe I’ll “brand” myself more once I am finally divorced and can officially start my photography business. But if I could some how drop my writing into the hands of 100,000,000 people, I would. And I still feel as if my blog is my safe haven and that I can freely express myself there. I sometimes wonder what relatives or friends might think about certain things that I post, but since I’m actively embracing just being my authentic self — on my blog and in life — I’m learning not to care. I’ll freely share who I am and if someone has a problem with it, that’s there problem and not mine 🙂

    1. Hey girl, I commend you for how honest and open you are on your blog AND that you are pretty public about it. You don’t apologize for who you are (not that we should ever do that!), and you just say it like it is. For me, if I knew my relatives were reading, I would censor myself and then it wouldn’t be authentic. You are great at not censoring yourself even if you ‘have an audience.’ For your goals, I hope you go far! I think you will, your mind/heart are set!

      1. My Mom recently told me that my great Aunt read my blog and was “offended”. I just shrugged it off. It really doesn’t bother me. She’s old. She’s from a different time and place. I seriously think she is still offended that Obama is our president. Ya know?

        I think my grandma reads my blog. At a minimum, she comments on my FB status messages and told me to stop saying the f-word so much. LOL.

  8. I definitely feel like there’s something to be said about writing more from the heart when you’re writing privately. MIne used to be semi-private (Jason always knew, but most of my other friends and family did not) and i definitely was more candid about things in my life. Now most of my friends, my mother and my mother-in-law all read it, so I feel like I have to be a little lighter about somethings which sucks in a way.

    1. Right! That’s why I do like some semblance of privacy overall. It’s hard to be as candid when you know your friends and family read. Some of my friends read, but I can put that out of my mind, I just don’t like it TOO public.

    1. I’ve thought about it. But then I can just guest post for my sister’s blog. And I kind of just meld them both into this one, and I’m good with that 🙂

    1. Bet you sometimes wish it was still secret right? 😉 But on the other hand, it’s a great place to share successes too that you WANT known!

  9. I keep mine a bit private too from family. I don’ twant a work decision I make to become fodder for family drama! 🙂 But I think some of them read it anyway. I think you should definitely keep your blog as secret or not secret as you want! 🙂

  10. There have been many times over the last 3 1/2 years when I’ve found myself wishing that CBG didn’t read my blog. lol It certainly affords you a certain amount of privacy and ability to just work through what you’re thinking and feeling.

    Mine is ‘semi-private’ as well. I have a few “IRL” friends who know about it and read it, but it’s not something I share with the general population…but I also don’t go to great lengths to hide it, either, and post pictures on there whenever. And well, with the size of the Twitter population in my home city, I’m sure that there are lots of people who have stumbled across my blog that I don’t even know about. I guess for me, at this point, with my blog having morphed in the way that it has, I’m neither promoting nor actively hiding it.

    But I will admit I’ve considered starting a totally anonymous, side-blog that NO ONE else knows is me….lol

    1. I am a little bit the same in the way I don’t really promote it (except on Twitter…which is protected!) but am not going to huge lengths to hide it, either. I just don’t really want to encourage more IRL people to read it than have to 😉 or M for that matter. Not that I would really write much differently if he did, per se, but just that sometimes I just want to write and not think ‘omg he might read this and we haven’t talked about it.’ it is still sort of my diary in a way.

  11. I hear ya, is think the reason I have not blogged in so long is because I worry about The Aviator wanting to read it. He knows about it. It’s not like I write anything he doesn’t already know about but I dunno. I want to keep my life with him separate apart from anything I might write about. I don’t know if that even makes sense. I’m going to try and get back on the blogging horses because I DO miss it for sure. But I’ve been keeping up with yours!

    1. hey girl!! Love hearing from you! It does make sense and while I hope you ‘come back’ if you don’t, I completely understand your rationale!! Glad you are reading though 🙂 XO

  12. I like that I can say whatever I want on my blog knowing most people will never see it. That said, there are often times when I wish I could share my blog. Like when I recapped my last trip… I would have loved for my friends to have seen that. But then they’d read a million other things that aren’t for their eyes. I guess I’d rather be able to speak freely than have to censor.

    1. Exactly. Most often, I am absolutely fine with having a sort of private blog. Once in awhile there are posts I would love to share though. The pros outweigh the cons in keeping some privacy though!

  13. You’re right that your blog needs to serve your purposes. You’ve found what works for you (and all of us, too)! And, trust me, when The Man starts reading old posts, I wish that my blog was private again.

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