The love inside.

**I wrote this last night. I haven’t written much about M on my blog since sort of shifting gears away from that and more on exploring me, what shapes me and drives me,  and of course all things running, barre n9ne and fun and fit things…but sometimes, I feel compelled.**

It’s been one of those weeks where M and I feel like ships passing in the night. He’s had a lot of meetings at night all this week and that, combined with it being crunch time for his dissertation, and it’s meant basically waking up and going to bed next to each other (sometimes the going to bed part means I go to bed, he joins several long hours later!).

And the time we do have together this week, the limited time, has felt un-present. His mind is a million miles away thinking about his paper and edits and getting it done (one month and counting!!) and I’ve allowed myself to let random grumpiness out on him. The combination of all of this wrapped together and it’s been…an interesting week. (as I sit here kicking myself for putting on the grumpy pants in the first place. I mean really, grow up.)

So last night [edit: Tuesday], as we both admitted to some grumpiness, I gave him a kiss, told him that I loved him and went to bed. This morning, our eyes met, and it was as though we wanted to connect and do-over the last few days. As we lingered over the morning routine, I tried to show him more the love inside. The love I feel. The love I sometimes don’t show to him as much as I feel inside. I tend to hold back and reciprocate more than initiate. I still don’t know why I do that. When I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that M is the man that was meant for me. In every possible way. The man I love to the depths of my heart. 

We parted ways and I promised him that I would edit his dissertation for him. All 80 pages. And as I sat there reading, and reading, and reading…it struck me just how damn proud of him I am. His writing is impeccable (save for a few minor edits, it really didn’t need much!), his study is coming together and he’s drawing some really good conclusions and I honestly think this research will do so much for nurse practitioners all over the country. To be with someone that cares so much about what they do, how they can help initiate change, and is so passionate and driven…is the sexiest thing in the world. And it’s by far one of my favorite qualities about him. In addition to honor, respect, love and devotion. 

The love inside. Yet I don’t share this nearly as much with him as I should. And I plan to. And to continue to be mindful of him, our love, and making him feel as special as he always – always – makes me feel.

Because truly, he deserves that. More than deserves that. He is a blessing to me. And I couldn’t ask for anything more in a partner, soulmate, friend, and lover.

**And this morning? We woke up, worked out together and had breakfast together. And it was as if we silently read each other’s minds last night. It was indeed a beautiful morning. All feels ‘right’ again in our world…**

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15 thoughts on “The love inside.

  1. ❤ Beautiful. M is a great guy, you two are so perfect together (even though I've only experienced you together once – I know there are many, many more times in the future!).

  2. Aw!! I loved reading this sis — I kind of miss hearing your thoughts on your relationship with M (though I totally understand why you share less of it here, I don’t blame you at all!). This was such a sweet and touching post, and an awesome tribute to a great guy who adores you more than anything. I LOVE that he cherishes you as much as you cherish him…even if sometimes “life” happens and you forget to show/tell one another here and there. We’re not perfect, it happens, right? The point is – you brought it full circle and showed him the love on the inside more than maybe you normally do in the day-to-day hustle and bustle. You guys are awesome. ❤

    1. Aww thanks sis. I am glad you like reading about this stuff…I might start writing a bit more here and there on us, I have missed writing about it too 🙂 Sometimes life does happen, and it’s hard to reign it in and come back to ‘us’ but this was a reminder to just work harder and focus on it. Always worth the effort and time.

  3. This might sound total cornball, but have you and your man ever taken the ‘Five Languages of Love’ quiz? I am just now starting to read your blog, but I am willing to bet that your love language is ‘acts of service’ and his is ‘touch’ or ‘words of affirmation’. My hubby and I kinda took it as a joke one night, but we ended up discovering so much about our relationship. We definitely took a lot away from it.

    It sounds like you have an amazing man. There is always highs and lows, but it sounds like you both know how to find each other during the bumps. That’s where love grows. Wishing you both a blessed day!

    1. Not corny at all! I am SO intrigued by that quiz! You are so right, I am an ‘acts of service’ and he is totally ‘touch’ and ‘affirmation!’ Couldn’t be more dead-on. Maybe we’ll do this quiz together too 🙂 And I really do have an amazing man, I feel extremely blessed!

  4. Sweet! We’re having the same kind of week in terms of crazy schedules. My man got home late tonight and although the kids and I had already eaten, I sat with him at the table and had a glass of wine while he ate. Thanks for a good reminder to be more present!

    1. What a great thing to do…wine included, of course 😉 It helps to stay present, especially when you have little time together, in particular. Means so much!

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