**I wrote this last night. I haven’t written much about M on my blog since sort of shifting gears away from that and more on exploring me, what shapes me and drives me, and of course all things running, barre n9ne and fun and fit things…but sometimes, I feel compelled.**
It’s been one of those weeks where M and I feel like ships passing in the night. He’s had a lot of meetings at night all this week and that, combined with it being crunch time for his dissertation, and it’s meant basically waking up and going to bed next to each other (sometimes the going to bed part means I go to bed, he joins several long hours later!).
And the time we do have together this week, the limited time, has felt un-present. His mind is a million miles away thinking about his paper and edits and getting it done (one month and counting!!) and I’ve allowed myself to let random grumpiness out on him. The combination of all of this wrapped together and it’s been…an interesting week. (as I sit here kicking myself for putting on the grumpy pants in the first place. I mean really, grow up.)
So last night [edit: Tuesday], as we both admitted to some grumpiness, I gave him a kiss, told him that I loved him and went to bed. This morning, our eyes met, and it was as though we wanted to connect and do-over the last few days. As we lingered over the morning routine, I tried to show him more the love inside. The love I feel. The love I sometimes don’t show to him as much as I feel inside. I tend to hold back and reciprocate more than initiate. I still don’t know why I do that. When I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that M is the man that was meant for me. In every possible way. The man I love to the depths of my heart.
We parted ways and I promised him that I would edit his dissertation for him. All 80 pages. And as I sat there reading, and reading, and reading…it struck me just how damn proud of him I am. His writing is impeccable (save for a few minor edits, it really didn’t need much!), his study is coming together and he’s drawing some really good conclusions and I honestly think this research will do so much for nurse practitioners all over the country. To be with someone that cares so much about what they do, how they can help initiate change, and is so passionate and driven…is the sexiest thing in the world. And it’s by far one of my favorite qualities about him. In addition to honor, respect, love and devotion.
The love inside. Yet I don’t share this nearly as much with him as I should. And I plan to. And to continue to be mindful of him, our love, and making him feel as special as he always – always – makes me feel.
Because truly, he deserves that. More than deserves that. He is a blessing to me. And I couldn’t ask for anything more in a partner, soulmate, friend, and lover.
**And this morning? We woke up, worked out together and had breakfast together. And it was as if we silently read each other’s minds last night. It was indeed a beautiful morning. All feels ‘right’ again in our world…**