On starting from the ground up.

Sometimes, when I re-read some of my posts, I sit back and think about where I’ve been and how far I’ve come. And I don’t even mean that in a ‘patting myself on the back’ sort of way. I think back to my roots, in every sense of it, and how going from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs makes you appreciate that much more what you have and what you have built up for yourself.

It’s so easy to take for granted the life you have, once it’s filled to a point where you are content. Where you are still building, but you are stable, have what you need to live, but also to share and give back. To pay it forward. Paying it forward in the form of giving back to those that are still ‘building’ is the ultimate proof point that you can give back…some of that life that’s been built around you.

I think this feeling has been with me lately as I look around at the from-scratch moves I’ve made.

Financially. This was by far one of the biggest feats for me to rebuild. Almost literally from scratch. Going from being a homeowner with two steady middle class incomes to one income, a forced short sale and onslaught of debt and recovery to come was…trying, to say the least. Juggling which credit card to pay down first, to finding a job that would give me the boost in pay that I needed (and deserved!), to patiently building my credit back up. To finally putting a real budget together instead of just doing the head-in-the-sand game and avoiding banking of any kind until each paycheck arrived (resulting in many an overdraft…oy.). To now…finally feeling able to save again, to build that fabled ‘security blanket’ fund that I’ve never had before, to helping those that need it, picking up the tab, buying a gift ‘just because.’ Thankful. Blessed. Never taken for granted.

Starting from the ground up…financially.

Myself. Looking back, and in reading some other recent blogs from those going through the 180 degree  transformation that is divorce, I can firmly say that I started from scratch. From ground zero. A blank slate. The past came rushing to mind this morning as I woke up from one of those haunting dreams where I’m still with my ex-husband (doesn’t even matter what the details of the actual dream were) and it’s as though I stepped back in to my ‘old’ self, the me I’ve done so much to completely rebuild…from the ground up. The relief that spread across me as I rolled over and kissed M on the cheek, trying not to wake him, but just to make sure he was real, this was real, I am here, now, the me I’ve developed…was so powerful. Thankful. Blessed. Never taken for granted.

Starting from the ground up…myself.

The life around me. I am struck by how much I am living my life for me right now. After I re-read my post last weekend, I realized how very fortunate I am to be able to spend an entire weekend centered around things I want to do. For me. Just me. And maybe that’s considered selfish to some, or too self-centric, there was a time where I didn’t do for me, I didn’t see the value, and at the stage of my life that I’m in, I’m taking it and running with it. I am living it, because I can, and I want to. And I won’t apologize for that. Everyone has their priorities in their lives, their goals, their passions. The things that I do on the weekend are mine. Cue this past weekend, for example. To have spent a large majority of it barre n9ne training, certifying and teaching…that’s not something anyone has the time to do or even wants to do. But to be able to follow my passion and to shift it into something I also do for others, for a living? Is incredible. Not everyone gets the opportunity to do this. To have the time to devote to, and maintain, and build up.  Thankful. Blessed. Never taken for granted.

Starting from the ground up…the life around me.

Starting from the ground up….makes you appreciate the highs so much more once you’ve seen the low.

31 thoughts on “On starting from the ground up.

  1. I can relate to this in so many ways. It’s been 3 1/2 years since separating from my ex, and it’s just now that I’m feeling like I’m getting on track and settled with my life. I don’t regret any of the ‘crap’ I had to go through to get here…after all, it’s what’s made me the person that I am today, and I’m pretty happy with that person. Everything happens for a reason, right?

    Glad to hear that you’re feeling on track and that you’re going in such a positive direction. 🙂

    1. It is such a grounding feeling, isn’t it? And empowering, too. to realize that all the crap was worth it…maybe it didn’t feel like it then, but it was. I am so glad you are in such a good place too!

  2. Isn’t it crazy to think back to that time in your life – a time where you NEVER thought this day would come? The day where you finally feel like you have your life back?? And now that you’re here, the life that you have “back” is actually a brand new life entirely and WAY better than you ever possibly could’ve fathomed?? Amazing. It’s been an incredible journey sis, and I’m SO happy you are finally “here” – in this life, right here, right now. xoxo

    1. Have my life back…wow, I never actually even thought if it that way. I actually OWN my life now. I never really felt that before. I never felt as empowered or willing to take leaps of faith. But now? It drives me. And I love that we are both on the same wavelength there too. You are growing so much too, sis, I love it 🙂

    1. It really does. Of course I was initially forced into this change, it was what I feel was ultimately meant to happen. Each experience, whether good or bad, shapes who we are. In every way.

  3. Hitting the reset button is much harder than I ever anticipated. But taking that leap of faith has proved to be so much more of a challenge. It takes a ton of confidence, and as a person who struggles with the self-doubt monster on a regular basis, I get lost sometimes in the uncertainty. I’m working on pushing through but it’s so good to have friends whom have shown it’s possible.

    1. The reset button. Exactly right. It is extremely difficult. And I love that we too are on the same wavelength here. The more I read your comments and your posts about growth and change, the more I think we are so much more alike and in the same place right now. It’s kind of cool to watch the parallels!! It is possible, and WE can do it!

  4. Love this. This is so full of empowering messages for all of us. While I’ve only recently started reading your blog and learning about your journey, you truly have made incredible strides and points to such strength. I’m so happy for you that you have come to this far.

    1. Thank you so much Christine. I love that you are enjoying reading this part of my life and the virtual support from people like you…is just the best. Thank you again.

  5. 😀 Never forget how to do this, never forget that you CAN do this. Never take for granted, not because we are afraid of losing all, but because it makes us find more joy in what we have.

    On a totally different note, I was in a pretty abusive relationship when I was in college. For years, I would dream about it, still being in it. Even now, when I am stressed out, I dream I am still in it. When that happens, I know I am really in need of some support.

    Thank you for also reminding me that, when I wake up, I should not just take it as how stressed I am at that moment, but how far I’ve still come.

    1. I LOVE your first sentence…it is so SO true. Celebrate what we have, what we are capable of and that we CAN and we WILL do what we say we will. Right? As for your dream, that’s a really tough one…and isn’t it amazing how it all comes rushing back? It just – bam – brings you there. I am glad to help remind you, not that you need much of a reminder, you are so grounded and so self-aware!!

  6. i think realizing this makes you even stronger. Ya know? It’s those ah ha moments where things click, and we get it. We can do it! and we can start from the ground up and keep going up!! just need to refocus every now and then and not let ourselves get down.

    1. Refocus and not let ourselves get down. Exactly. Sometimes you need to feel it and get over it first, but it’s the strength to move on that is key.

  7. It’s never too late to hit the reset button. It takes courage and a lot of work, but it’s always possible. So proud of and happy for you!

  8. Cue tears. Reading this gives me such great hope for my future. I understand so much of what you’ve been through, and to see how far you’ve come, I know I can do the same.

    XOXOXO Can’t wait to see you Saturday!

    1. ((hug)) Aww friend! Of course you can! You are already so strong, confident and laying the groundwork for your future…from the ground up. XOXO

  9. I love to hear you say “I won’t apologize for that” because you used to. 🙂

    You’ve earned it. You’ve built it. You’re making the most of it. You deserve it.

    You continue to grow and move forward. It’s a beautiful thing to witness!

    1. You’re right…I did! But ya know what? Why? I’ve earned this. I’ve worked for it. I appreciate it. So I will own it!! Thank you friend!

  10. I’m glad I’m not the only one who still has haunting dreams. It always really reminds me the next morning of how far I’ve come. We have done such a rebuild.

  11. Great post! I can especially relate to the last part about doing things for you. How I choose to spend what little “free” time I have may not appeal to a lot of people, but it works for me. That’s the beautiful thing about being an adult!

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