Sometimes, when I re-read some of my posts, I sit back and think about where I’ve been and how far I’ve come. And I don’t even mean that in a ‘patting myself on the back’ sort of way. I think back to my roots, in every sense of it, and how going from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs makes you appreciate that much more what you have and what you have built up for yourself.
It’s so easy to take for granted the life you have, once it’s filled to a point where you are content. Where you are still building, but you are stable, have what you need to live, but also to share and give back. To pay it forward. Paying it forward in the form of giving back to those that are still ‘building’ is the ultimate proof point that you can give back…some of that life that’s been built around you.
I think this feeling has been with me lately as I look around at the from-scratch moves I’ve made.
Financially. This was by far one of the biggest feats for me to rebuild. Almost literally from scratch. Going from being a homeowner with two steady middle class incomes to one income, a forced short sale and onslaught of debt and recovery to come was…trying, to say the least. Juggling which credit card to pay down first, to finding a job that would give me the boost in pay that I needed (and deserved!), to patiently building my credit back up. To finally putting a real budget together instead of just doing the head-in-the-sand game and avoiding banking of any kind until each paycheck arrived (resulting in many an overdraft…oy.). To now…finally feeling able to save again, to build that fabled ‘security blanket’ fund that I’ve never had before, to helping those that need it, picking up the tab, buying a gift ‘just because.’ Thankful. Blessed. Never taken for granted.
Starting from the ground up…financially.
Myself. Looking back, and in reading some other recent blogs from those going through the 180 degree transformation that is divorce, I can firmly say that I started from scratch. From ground zero. A blank slate. The past came rushing to mind this morning as I woke up from one of those haunting dreams where I’m still with my ex-husband (doesn’t even matter what the details of the actual dream were) and it’s as though I stepped back in to my ‘old’ self, the me I’ve done so much to completely rebuild…from the ground up. The relief that spread across me as I rolled over and kissed M on the cheek, trying not to wake him, but just to make sure he was real, this was real, I am here, now, the me I’ve developed…was so powerful. Thankful. Blessed. Never taken for granted.
Starting from the ground up…myself.
The life around me. I am struck by how much I am living my life for me right now. After I re-read my post last weekend, I realized how very fortunate I am to be able to spend an entire weekend centered around things I want to do. For me. Just me. And maybe that’s considered selfish to some, or too self-centric, there was a time where I didn’t do for me, I didn’t see the value, and at the stage of my life that I’m in, I’m taking it and running with it. I am living it, because I can, and I want to. And I won’t apologize for that. Everyone has their priorities in their lives, their goals, their passions. The things that I do on the weekend are mine. Cue this past weekend, for example. To have spent a large majority of it barre n9ne training, certifying and teaching…that’s not something anyone has the time to do or even wants to do. But to be able to follow my passion and to shift it into something I also do for others, for a living? Is incredible. Not everyone gets the opportunity to do this. To have the time to devote to, and maintain, and build up. Thankful. Blessed. Never taken for granted.
Starting from the ground up…the life around me.
Starting from the ground up….makes you appreciate the highs so much more once you’ve seen the low.