*This is the fourth in my mini-series on stories of my past that define me. I’ll write these periodically, as the ideas flow. Enjoy.*
I’ve been emailing and chatting with a few friends that are going through the dating rollercoaster and all that goes along with it (the second guessing, overthinking, false starts, anxieties and oh yeah, the good stuff too…warm fuzzies, dating isn’t *that* bad…at least, not all of the time. It’s a means to an end!) and this topic sprang to mind as I continue my ‘stories that define me’ series.
And as I read some of my old dating posts from my old blog (and wow, were there many, and some hysterically funny ones too. Perhaps I was a wittier writer with such readily available fodder, huh?! If anyone wants to read them, email me and I’ll send you some links!), some of those memories came flooding back. Some of them were good…the rare good eggs in the bunch that I dated before meeting M, and some notsogood, the many, MANY false starts, one date wonders and the like, but what I remember striking me most, was the connection, and why it matters so much.
And when I say connection, I mean, the emotional connection that makes the physical mean something. Beyond the instant gratification and the exploration of someone new, the connection to that person is truly what makes or breaks it. For me, anyway. It was something I never truly realized until I had my first ‘experience’ after my divorce (how would I ever have even noticed that, being with someone for a decade and prior to that, the only time I was intimate with a man, it was within the confines of a relationship, nothing casual). Sure, it was exciting and in a way, made me feel alive again, but on the other hand, it just felt so…empty.
(as I write this, I hope I don’t come across as having many physical encounters with the men I dated before M. I can count them on less than a hand, let’s say that)
And only once I met M did I realize how much the connection matters, and how much more emotional and gratifying an experience the physical connection becomes.
So why am I writing this? Because I think one of the things that really cemented it for me, when I knew M was ‘it’ for me, was that physical-to-emotional connection that we had. From the get-go. From the slight touch to the back (which I still absolutely love) walking out of a restaurant, to a hug, to a glance, to a smile. It all ties together. It was there. We shared it, believed it, and cultivated it. From day one.
Unlike anything else I’d experienced, there was no force-fit. There was no compromising on what I envisioned him to be and what he was. There was no settling on any of my dealbreakers and dealmakers. (and my list was truly feasible, not far-fetched!) So no matter how long you’re single, if you’re ‘single long enough’ after your divorce or breakup (whatever the heck that means…it’s truly different for each and every one of us! There’s no rulebook or guideline), when you know…you just do.
It’s why the connection matters.