Yesterday was a rough day for me. And when I went to bed, in tears, I was hoping to wake up with a sense of clarity and renewed focus.
Yesterday was a day full of reminders. And looking at it now, maybe I needed those reminders.
I had a rough day at work, starting almost immediately. My boss has been on vacation for the last 10 days and I picked up a shitton of stuff she didn’t get around to before she left (in her defense, it’s just a wicked busy time at work…but at the same time, I just think it was bad timing for a vacation, but I digress. It happens, and there never is a *good* time for vacation, now is there?). One of those items was a huge thorn in my side all week. Let’s just say – too many cooks in the kitchen, compounded by the fact that sometimes, it is hard to delineate whose feedback I should accept as ‘fact’ over ‘opinion’ when it comes to edits to a document. It’s a judgement call so much of the time and making that judgement continues to be an area I am working on…but usually have my boss as my sounding board. Clearly, I did not have her, so I was operating without a net (hello out-of-comfort-zone!) and trying like hell to just get it done.
Needless to say, the edits compounded and compounded into somewhat of a mess. But me, being so knee-deep in it, didn’t really see it. So my boss’s boss (who was my interim boss while she was on maternity leave this year. A tough, but very fair man, and I have honestly learned to quite respect him, especially after this incident) called me and basically told me it needed a rewrite and wasn’t up to par. I sometimes take constructive feedback quite personally (a flaw, I suppose) and was close to tears when on the phone with him. He was not mean, just honest, and blunt. After he hung up, the tears flowed. (M called me and gave me one of the best pep talks ever, which temporarily made me feel better…)
But the rest of the day went downhill from there. From a shitton of work, to stressing over that, to a meeting that got moved to 7:30 pm (late meetings that my boss would usually handle as they are in her time zone! and vice versa for mine!) that I then had to do on top of it all, and I was a mess.
I thankfully made it to barre n9ne and did the call right after from my sister’s house (who treated me to sushi, what a wonderful sister, right?), but came home deflated. I was tired. I was down. I was just ready for the day to be over. And then proceeded to tell me about some plans he had tonight (Tuesday) and all I was hoping for was to see him tonight, since I saw him all of 5 minutes that day. I got upset, irrationally motivated by the day I’d had and just couldn’t stop my emotions. We talked a bit, but I just wanted to go to bed. We crawled into bed together, he held me tight and allowed my emotions (rather than discuss further). I fell asleep almost immediately, and as upset as I felt at that moment, partially with him, I couldn’t have felt more loved or protected or content.
This morning, I woke up and felt refreshed and thrilled that day was behind me. And that’s when the reminders hit me.
My job shouldn’t be puppies and rainbows every day. Yes, I love my job. Yes, I think I am good at my job most days. But some days, like yesterday, I, like all of us, need that reminder that there is always room for improvement. Failure begets success.
(thanks Michelle for that quote, it is, needless to say, exactly right)
It was also a reminder that every day I have with M is a blessing. Whether it’s 5 minutes or 5 hours. He deserves to have social time too. Just because I won’t see him until late tonight, doesn’t mean I won’t see him. And we ran outside this morning in glorious 50 degree unseasonable temperatures and talked about last night, and just enjoyed the silence of running side by side. And tomorrow? Tomorrow is date night in. There’s talk of prosecco and a bubble bath. Why yes, indeed. And when he hugged me this morning and told me how much he loves me and that I am a priority in his life, I realized how irrational I was yesterday, and how very much I love him.
Reminders. Sometimes they are exactly what we need. Even if they make us cry.