Reminders.

Yesterday was a rough day for me. And when I went to bed, in tears, I was hoping to wake up with a sense of clarity and renewed focus.

Yesterday was a day full of reminders. And looking at it now, maybe I needed those reminders.

I had a rough day at work, starting almost immediately. My boss has been on vacation for the last 10 days and I picked up a shitton of stuff she didn’t get around to before she left (in her defense, it’s just a wicked busy time at work…but at the same time, I just think it was bad timing for a vacation, but I digress. It happens, and there never is a *good* time for vacation, now is there?). One of those items was a huge thorn in my side all week. Let’s just say – too many cooks in the kitchen, compounded by the fact that sometimes, it is hard to delineate whose feedback I should accept as ‘fact’ over ‘opinion’ when it comes to edits to a document. It’s a judgement call so much of the time and making that judgement continues to be an area I am working on…but usually have my boss as my sounding board. Clearly, I did not have her, so I was operating without a net (hello out-of-comfort-zone!) and trying like hell to just get it done.

Needless to say, the edits compounded and compounded into somewhat of a mess. But me, being so knee-deep in it, didn’t really see it. So my boss’s boss (who was my interim boss while she was on maternity leave this year. A tough, but very fair man, and I have honestly learned to quite respect him, especially after this incident) called me and basically told me it needed a rewrite and wasn’t up to par. I sometimes take constructive feedback quite personally (a flaw, I suppose) and was close to tears when on the phone with him. He was not mean, just honest, and blunt. After he hung up, the tears flowed. (M called me and gave me one of the best pep talks ever, which temporarily made me feel better…)

But the rest of the day went downhill from there. From a shitton of work, to stressing over that, to a meeting that got moved to 7:30 pm (late meetings that my boss would usually handle as they are in her time zone! and vice versa for mine!) that I then had to do on top of it all, and I was a mess.

I thankfully made it to barre n9ne and did the call right after from my sister’s house (who treated me to sushi, what a wonderful sister, right?), but came home deflated. I was tired. I was down. I was just ready for the day to be over. And then proceeded to tell me about some plans he had tonight (Tuesday) and all I was hoping for was to see him tonight, since I saw him all of 5 minutes that day. I got upset, irrationally motivated by the day I’d had and just couldn’t stop my emotions. We talked a bit, but I just wanted to go to bed. We crawled into bed together, he held me tight and allowed my emotions (rather than discuss further).  I fell asleep almost immediately, and as upset as I felt at that moment, partially with him, I couldn’t have felt more loved or protected or content.

This morning, I woke up and felt refreshed and thrilled that day was behind me. And that’s when the reminders hit me.

My job shouldn’t be puppies and rainbows every day. Yes, I love my job. Yes, I think I am good at my job most days. But some days, like yesterday, I, like all of us, need that reminder that there is always room for improvement. Failure begets success. 

(thanks Michelle for that quote, it is, needless to say, exactly right)

It was also a reminder that every day I have with M is a blessing. Whether it’s 5 minutes or 5 hours. He deserves to have social time too. Just because I won’t see him until late tonight, doesn’t mean I won’t see him. And we ran outside this morning in glorious 50 degree unseasonable temperatures and talked about last night, and just enjoyed the silence of running side by side. And tomorrow? Tomorrow is date night in. There’s talk of prosecco and a bubble bath. Why yes, indeed. And when he hugged me this morning and told me how much he loves me and that I am a priority in his life, I realized how irrational I was yesterday, and how very much I love him.

Reminders. Sometimes they are exactly what we need. Even if they make us cry.

 

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29 thoughts on “Reminders.

  1. It’s good that you were able to walk away from the day yesterday with some ‘reminders’ and lessons learned. We ALL have bad days, but it’s the truly wise people who are able to take a bad day and learn something from it.

    Glad to hear you’re feeling better today. *hug*

    1. I am glad I was able to see the reminders today, even if I didn’t yesterday. Those upside the head reminders keep us in check, even if they suck at the time.

  2. I loved this post. It made me sad and happy at the same time. Hugs to you and thank goodness for a good warm run to help run off some of that stress.

  3. Ugh hate hate hate when that happens with work. I’ve started laying down some major laws when it comes to sending me edits, updates, and such. I will only work with one contact now. Of course, easier said that done I know. So sorry yesterday was crummy. At least you had barre AND sister time. That has to count for something to be grateful for. Glad you guys got in a great run today.

    1. I hate it too! It is SO hard to discern fact from opinion sometimes!! And I am glad that today is a better day and there were a few bright spots yesterday, even still.

  4. Hugs, friend!! I know that overwhelming feeling can be suffocating but you did the right thing by letting it out…and moving forward…instead of bottling it up inside.

    I hope today has been better!

  5. Glad to hear that today got off to a much better start! I think it’s good to have some highs and lows mixed in–it makes me feel alive, you know?

  6. Oh girl, I hear you. And it sucks to have bad days like that. (My “Monday blues” were on Sunday.) I’m so happy that you have some arms to fall into at night. How blessed are you?

    I just know things will get better! ((hugs))

  7. Seriously – even though yesterday SUCKED for you, look at this perspective you gained. You are really incredible sis – always taking moments like this and turning them into learning moments. HUGE growth for you, huge. As you said, life isn’t always puppies and rainbows – even the parts of life we love the most. Sometimes it takes work. More than we’d like. And sometimes tears are involved. But tears are ok sometimes. esp if you have M to kiss them away after 🙂

    1. Thank you sis! You were a big part of helping me through yesterday, moral, sushi and b9 support 🙂 As was M, even if I was upset last night. Today was a much better day.

  8. So sorry you had a rough day. I always look at that as a reminder of how special good days are so we don’t take them for granted. Seems like you already have that down.

    Hugs!

    1. aww, thank you Heather!! I think you are very good at it yourself, to be honest, and we all tackle how to turn the bad into good differently, too. We can learn from each other!

  9. I love this and I especially love that quote. It’s so true, and something I tend to struggle with too! I think you and I are the same in that we sometimes don’t take constructive feedback the best. I was telling a coworker about this the other day, and she said “You just need to change the way you view this constructive feedback. Rather than it being an attack on YOU, it’s simply a way you can improve yourself to do better.”

    Once I re-focus my thoughts, I tend to be much more willing to accept feedback and keep at it, even if I don’t win every. single. time. What’s the point if you don’t try?

    Stay positive… you are one determined, awesome lady!

    1. Thank you Rachel! you are so right,it’s about turning it around and realizing it isn’t meant as an attack, but just to help me learn more. I saw that after the fact, but in the moment, it was pretty sucky!

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