I remarked to M last night as I curled into his arms on the couch, in silence, enjoying the unseasonably warm weather, mild breeze drifting through the window…“you know? I feel so blessed to have fallen in love twice already in my life at this age, when so many of my friends haven’t found ‘it’ once yet.”
To fall in love twice in my lifetime already, feels, well, almost unfair, when you really step back and look at it. When there are so many that are still looking, still struggling, still wanting for that feeling. Those that have never felt that feeling, akin to the first sips of wine (as I compared it), that you can’t quite capture and put into words.
And I don’t write this to suggest that I feel guilty, as I have in the past, but just how fortunate I am to have found love, true, deep, long-lasting love so ‘soon’ (in the grand scheme of things, soon!) after my divorce when I know so many that have not. Because it truly is something I think about quite often. Almost as a reminder not to take for granted what we’ve cultivated and to keep myself in check with that…not to let it stagnate.
And I think back to my ex-husband and the love that we had. It was such immature love. Love that had no context, no perspective, no real strength, other than longevity. I honestly think the ultimate demise in our marriage was that our love never grew and evolved from that immature love that it was built on. It stagnated. It didn’t change. It just…stayed the same. Looking at that picture yesterday was proof of that. I look at myself – my 27 year old self, and I honestly feel like I look like I am 22 or 23, max. I met my ex-husband at the age of 20, and I almost feel as though I never grew from that age, so to speak, and neither did he.
But now? In the year+ that M and I have been together, I see a huge evolution from this time last year to today, for example. We are constantly growing and learning and evolving. In one year, I’d venture to guess we’ve grown more in our relationship and in our love for each other than I did in my entire decade-long relationship and marriage to my ex-husband. That statement is so powerful, to me. In one year…our love has grown more than in a decade-long relationship.
To me…our love is everlasting. And feeling so confident about that is probably the best revelation I’ve uncovered in a very long time.