“The number only has as much power as you give it”

I’ve never fully believed words spoken to me more than I did last night.

Words spoken by M after I started to fixate on a particular number I saw last night that I wasn’t quite expecting. Now I won’t go into details of that number, because honestly, in the grand scheme of things, it just doesn’t matter. What does matter is how I handled it and what I learned last night.

I thought I would be more upset. I started to fixate.

But then I looked at myself in the mirror. Really looked. And you know what? I look GOOD. I do. I have worked really hard. Numbers don’t always show the true picture, in my opinion. It’s how you look, feel, and how your clothes fit.

And in the grand scheme of things, there are far more bigger things in life than worrying about numbers. Thank you again Susan for such a perspective-laden post. It’s one I will honestly always look to when I start to go down negative paths.

“The number only has as much power as you give it.”

I didn’t give it power. I used my own willpower to combat any fixations from happening. I used my own willpower not to go down a self-defeating path, tearing myself apart. I used my own willpower to turn around the negativity that was brewing into positivity. Mind over matter. I am winning this battle against overthinking, anxiety, and negative self-image and body-image.

Six months ago, I didn’t think it was possible. Three months ago, I didn’t think it was possible. But now? It is. It feels vindicating, as though I’ve won the battle against myself. I’m winning it, and I don’t ever want to go back to letting it win over me again.

It feels like I can breathe again. Today is a new day. And it feels so good.

*update* this is, in fact, not my ass. As much as I'd like for it to be 😉


In other news…I am excited to see that my running challenge is getting some interest from this fabulous blog-land (see my sister’s fun post on our twitter chatter the other night, it was priceless!). Lee is in, and I think Alicia might be too. Nikki as well, but for yoga and ‘twitter accountability.’

Who else wants to join?? I seriously think it is going to help me, and others, get through the cold winter months and keep up the momentum we’ve all built up all year long. Bring it ON!!


34 thoughts on ““The number only has as much power as you give it”

  1. M is a smart man.

    And I’m SO proud of you for how you handled the situation and are winning the battle against overthinking and fixating. I’ve seen such progress in you in just the last couple of weeks as you figure out how to “just be” (as our wise friend Steph blogged about a couple weeks ago!). You’re happier, you’re less anxious, you’re the YOU I love very much. And a very HOT you too, I might add 🙂

    1. M is a very smart man 🙂 Was very sweet last night, he listened, and then he said that. Stopped me in my tracks. Thank you for being proud, I am glad I am winning the battle. It feels like a relief. Sure, I am not perfect and the numbers still irk me sometimes, but it’s nowhere near as bad as before. And you are hot too ;-P

  2. This is rather timely for me. I’ve been struggling in this department for at least the past week. And NOT winning. There’s a number that’s in the back of my mind pretty much constantly, wearing away at my self-confidence. I’m not able to fight it just yet.

    Good for you for quieting that negative voice! You’re doing great. xo

    1. I am so glad you can relate and this helped you too!! WIN the battle against it…I know you can. Hell, if I can, and you know how I am, then you most certainly can too 🙂 XOXO

  3. You look amazing. When I was playing field hockey, I always gained weight at the beginning of the season because I was building so much muscle.

    1. Well, if it were my butt in that picture, I would concur 😉 It’s not, but THANK YOU for the compliment, and for pointing out that fact, true, muscle weighs more than fat!

    1. Hehe! I ALMOST put a disclaimer in that picture, that it was indeed NOT my ass. I liked the picture, and thought it fit nicely with the theme of my post. As much as I do think my butt has improved quite a bit since starting the challenge, that is really not mine 😉

    1. aww…I am SO glad it ‘spoke’ to you when you needed it. ((hugs)) and I love that you want to do this challenge in some way…keep me posted 🙂

  4. I am with you on the number thing. My “number” problem has been my weight. The damn scale will not budget, but today I didn’t care. MY jeans–jeans that I haven’t been able to wear for a long time bc of muffin top–fit GREAT! It feels really good to have more options than one pair of jeans.

  5. Mmm so true! I want to throw my scale out the window. BUT then again I do need to know what weight class I’ll be competing in — haha. So maybe not. But one day….I will. 🙂 I hate numbers obsessions — whether the number is a calorie count, body weight, number of reps I did of a certain exercise at a certain weight, etc.

  6. I’m so glad you have M in your life! You look amazing and you have worked hard. There’s no number in the world that can take that away from you. I’m interested in the running challenge! I’ve really been enjoying running just to run, but I’d like to have some running goals in place, too. 🙂

    1. I am so glad and blessed I have him in my life too. He’s been so supportive, yet so good about helping me regain perspective with all this,when I most need it. He just did it again today, in fact. And I’d love for you to join this challenge with us!!

  7. I’ve never thought of it like that…the “number” is only powerful because I make it so. That is brilliant and almost feels like…because that realization hit me (thanks, M!), I can knowingly take that power away.

    1. Oh I am SO GLAD Jessica! It really was sort of a lightbulb moment for me too, when he said it, and though I keep having to remind myself of it, just that reminder really helps me to take the power away from it.

    1. M is very wise. And I know this one is really tough for you. I feel for you, I really do. But you will get back to that happy spot ‘number-wise’ I promise. XOXO

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