Learning to live together: learnings and (still) learning

**The sixth in my little series on learning to live with M together. I will write these as the thoughts cross my mind**

It’s been about two months since M and I moved in together and we are, as you would imagine, still learning. But that’s okay, because, well, we should be. Always. If we aren’t learning, we aren’t growing.

Some learnings, though, in these last two months?

I asked M what he has learned about me…that maybe he was surprised to learn. He said my ‘sudden mood swings.’ I laughed, not totally knowing what he meant. And then he said, ‘like, when we are driving somewhere and get lost. You fly off the handle.’

Uh, guilty as charged. (also, cue u-haul meltdown...that was a mood swing of epic proportions!)

I guess I would also add in my annoying mood this weekend when the power went out. I ended up apologizing to him last night, telling him that I don’t want to ever take him or the time we have together for granted, regardless of the situation. It was a big lesson to me, that in the middle of my frustrated mood, knew was happening, yet I couldn’t stop myself from just being. Note to self: this is a huge work-in-progress area – work on it!!

For me? I’m actually surprised how distracted he can get. As in…when I’m talking to him. (this is when the TV is on, mind you). I could tell him 3 times what we’re doing this weekend and 10 minutes later “hey, babe, what are we doing this weekend? do we have plans?”

Um, am I on a different planet? Speaking Dutch, perhaps?

Called to the carpet on that one. He admits that if he’s watching something on TV, he isn’t actually listening, though he tries to do both, he just can’t. And, yeah, this shouldn’t be earth-shattering. Most men (sorry guys…) seem to fall into this habit. I guess I never noticed it before since when we weren’t living together, we might talk about plans on the phone or something, where I would actually have his full attention. At home, sure, there are always distractions.

But hey…we’re learning, right? My wild mood swings, his temporary amnesia…it’s a beautiful combination, I do believe 🙂

~~

Other things I am learning so far?

How much I love living together. I guess that goes without saying, but I just love being together. I love how much closer we are getting. I love our chats…whether they are crazy goofy or deep and thoughtful. I love talking about marriage, and our future, and our goals.

How much of a nester I am becoming. I never thought I was that type, but I am. I love putting down roots, starting new traditions and routines together, and even learning that some of my habits (and some of his) are going to adjust and evolve as we grow together.

How much we both have our lives and our own ‘me’ time. This was very important to me, personally, to maintain, given I have lived along for almost three years, and have really grown accustomed to having that time to myself. We make sure to spend quality time together, over dinner, or just catching up on our day, but we also are good about separating off and doing things that we like to do during the evenings or weekends, or whatever.

How perfectly imperfect we are. Living together has shown me that we will have bumps. We already have more than I thought we would at the outset. But I think that is what has brought us closer than ever. Working through it and communicating and figuring each other out more than ever before.

How much I want to marry him. I really, really do. And when he told me the other night that as he was having trouble drifting to sleep, he started thinking about getting married and all that is in our future, my heart skipped a beat. Is it so bad that ever since he asked me this question, I have been thinking about a proposal pretty much ever since? I surprise myself with these thoughts because I didn’t think it would be that important to me, that I wanted to be married again. But I do. And I want to marry him. When it’s meant to happen, it will, right?

Simply stated? I love living together. Everything about it.

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26 thoughts on “Learning to live together: learnings and (still) learning

  1. this made me smile. I totally have mood swings where I get really down about our situation. Eric calls them “my moods” and he usually leaves me a lone for about 10 minutes, and then I feel better!
    And as for being distracted–I always prepare Eric by saying “I need your attention for 30 seconds.” Then he stops what he’s doing (computer, TV, etc) and looks at me, and says “Go.” And I tell him whatever it is. Works like a charm ; )

    1. When M actually said ‘wow, you’re moody!’ I knew I was REALLY moody because he NEVER says anything, just tries to shake me out of it 😉 Good call on how to get Eric to focus. I should use that tactic 😉

  2. Ok I just left you this big long comment & this stupid thing took a crap. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh! SO irratating (now, I will stop whining on your blog). Glad to hear things are going so well & that you are both fluctuating with ease. It’s important to remember that there may be change, blow ups, etc. and that there’s an everyday Jobo that may not sync up with Jobo The Other Half all the time–same for him.

    PS YESSSSS GET ENGAGED!!!

    1. I hate when that happens! I like what you say though, there is an everyday me and another side of me too, same with M. we’re meeting both sides apparently 😉 LOL on the PS 😉

  3. LOL – love it love it. And maybe b/c I am very similar. I am much better than I used to be, but that’s probably not saying a lot, when it comes to being ever so slightly irrational about something like getting lost. For Jason, it’s just another scenic route (and he says crap like that too of course which makes it more annoying at the time LOL). But in reality, why not figure out how to make the best of an annoying situation? Find the humor and laugh a little. Sure beats being fuming mad and wasting energy right?

    And sometimes it’s the perfectly imperfect that is what is really so perfect.

    1. Very similar, I love it…we really are. You, me and Jess. And our men! Going to be a meeting of the minds this winter, isn’t it? Love it. And love ‘he says crap like that too which makes it more annoying’ – SO TRUE! HAHA! I love it. 🙂

  4. Awww…I love it! I love it. I wonder if there will be proposal at Christmas.

    As you can guess, these kinds of posts have me thinking, as the countdown for my moving in with S is on. 2 more months! And I’m so afraid of what he’ll learn about me after we move in together. Not that there is anything bad (because I’m perfect of course! LOL), but that all the little things come out of the woodwork when we are comfortable…

    Our sitch’s are so much alike, I can’t believe it.

    1. You are right, our situations are! We have sort of mirrored each other, haven’t we? So interesting how that happens! And when you and S move in together, yes, there will be surprises, yes you will learn stuff about each other that you wouldn’t if you weren’t living together…but you will get so much closer. that is my biggest takeaway so far. I love that part most 🙂

  5. Yeah, girls are moody. Some of us are moodier than others. I have learned that my ex was one of my triggers. Talking with him, being around him, like nails on a chalk board. The family likes the Sam me better. And I think a big part of living together is learning how to be together. It’s real.

    Hugs!

  6. This made me feel better. about how there are more bumps than you thought there would be, bc me and MT just moved in together and there are def a few bumps. But I too, love living with him. So there you go. Cheers, T.

  7. Heee heee…my hubby said something similar to me when we moved in together…he was shocked at my mood swings. He’s learned to read them better over time. And I’ve become very upfront about them & am working on “not sweating the small stuff”.

    I love that M just get’s you!! I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about marriage either…the moment I knew Eric was the one, I wanted it to happen.

    Our wedding program had my favorite quote on it (from When Harry Met Sally): “I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”.

    1. WOW, I LOVE that quote. SO much!!! Thank you for sharing it with me, that’s exactly how I feel too. LOL re: Eric being shocked at your mood swings too! I think shocked is a good way of putting it for M too. I guess I never noticed that I do sorta have crazy ones sometimes 😉 Don’t we all?! Trying to also not sweat the small stuff. Some days are easier than others, though!

  8. I do that too… I know I’m being cranky/crazy yet I can’t stop it! I guess being aware is the first step, right?!

  9. So happy for you! You’re right – it is so important to have individual / alone time even when being in a relationship. Nothing wrong with treating yourself to you time at all!

  10. Aww – the end of this post gave me such warm fuzzies!

    And, I laughed out loud at what you’re learning about each other. I have a feeling a lot of couples say the same thing about their partners. The fact that you can acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses and not take the comments personally show how comfortable you both are.

    I also loved that you both continue to prioritize your time away from each other. That’s very healthy! xoxo

    1. Aw warm fuzzies! I can’t believe it’s been three months now since we moved. Feels so different, yet so RIGHT. And yes, the little things we learn each day are sometimes funny!

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