So…tomorrow is my birthday (Yay!). I’m turning 32 (Boo! Just kidding. Well, kind of). Sunday is M’s birthday. (Yay!)
Our goal was to go out tomorrow night (relatively low key) for my birthday and then go to Boston on Saturday with my sis Jess and Scott and a couple of other friends for a bigger ‘bang’ (that’s what she said?!).
But then, upon a visit to M’s parents, they asked us if we had plans on Saturday (mind you, the aforementioned plan was still in very, very early stages at this point and hadn’t been firmed up, so we technically didn’t have firm plans yet, it was just discussed) as they wanted us to come over for dinner. After they asked us three times during our visit if we had plans on Saturday, we caved and said we’d come by on Saturday (thinking, in the back of both of our minds that we could probably actually do Friday with his parents and then Saturday with friends. And I promise, I am getting to the point of this post.)
Excited, I got my hopes up for a fun Saturday night out with friends (not that M’s parents aren’t fun…but not quite the same evening I had in mind!). But then, last night, M comes into the living room and says: “Good news! Our birthdays are coming! Yay! Bad news! My parents can’t do Friday, they’d still like to do Saturday. I’m sorry.”
I get completely upset and bummed out and tell him so. It’s our birthdays, why do we have to compromise? It’s our birthdays, I want to go to Boston, a night at your parent’s is so ho-hum and normal compared to doing something a little more special. *kick and scream and fold my arms and stomp my feet* (I seriously started to feel like a 12 year old who didn’t get her way…except I’m almost 32!) M listened. He was quiet. He didn’t say much. It was one of those moments where I could see myself talking and wanted to slap a hand across my own mouth to shut me up.
I knew that I was being irrational and selfish and well, kind of rude.
I was most certainly not seeing the forest from the trees (this could also do with the fact that I also have to fly out the night OF M’s birthday to California for work…bad timing, much? After not going out there since APRIL, I actually have to go out there ON his birthday?!).
Yes, I wanted to spend Saturday night differently. Yes, I would rather see his parents on another night. But that doesn’t discount the fact that they value our relationship – and not to mention, ME – and want to celebrate our birthdays with us. For me to fly off the handle and not even consider the fact that yes, we can go out on Friday and yes, we still have (most) of the rest of the weekend to do whatever we want, I wanted Saturday night to be MY way or the highway.
But in that moment, I was not compromising.
But then I did something that I normally would not have done. I stopped myself short. I cut myself off mentally. And I went to bed. Because I knew that if I kept going on and on, it was going to do nothing but make things worse, make M feel bad and in the middle, or worse, feel as though I don’t respect or value his parents enough to spend Saturday night together.
When he came to bed about a half hour later (because of course, I couldn’t sleep without clearing things up, as much as I was trying to), he laid down. He sighed. I think he thought I was asleep. I turned around, put my arm across his chest and my face in his neck and gave him a kiss. Wordless. We snuggled close. And fell asleep.
This morning, I woke up and I apologized. I gave him a kiss and a hug and I told him that we will make the best of it. We have all weekend to spend celebrating our birthdays and each other. That’s really all that matters, right?
On compromise and learning…one day at a time.