Applying ‘what I learned’ in wine country…and conquering myself.

I was hoping I would come home from wine country and say I fully applied ‘what I learned‘, but I honestly came home and felt like I had failed.

All day I beat myself up. I swore I looked in the mirror and felt like I had gained weight. I rehashed what I ate and drank while away and felt like I could have done better.

Could I have? You betcha.

But did I fail? Not at all.

While there were times where I ate a handful of lime tostitos (for example) when I didn’t first think ‘do I need to eat these?’ I didn’t gorge myself. I didn’t get that ‘full’ feeling when I used to overeat. I just ate things – at times – that I haven’t had in awhile and that made me feel as though I was ‘cheating’ when in all honesty, our meals were pretty spread out (not often getting to lunch between wineries…led to one fast track to semi-drunkenness one afternoon, hehe! Woops!) and our meal choices were healthy and fresh. Sure, I probably drank ate more calories than I have been since starting the challenge, but if I really look back, I don’t think it was *as* bad as I was making it be in my head.

At the core of it, my goal was to maintain balance (check), look at food as fuel (honestly? I looked at food as a way to balance some of the wine tastings too, so as to avoid said semi-drunkness episodes! The tastings aren’t huge, but after a few of them? They add up to a few glasses!)), and plan ahead. I think my success lied in maintaining balance but also enjoying some indulgence…like a few pieces of cheese (cheese made in the heart of the Russian River Valley? Passing that up would have been sin!).

I think what this trip taught me most about what I have learned is that…I’m still learning. And I am still not ‘over’ my mental/body image issues. Not by a long shot. I so quickly dove right back into that feeling of negativity and self-doubt and self-hate that I have worked so hard to move past. To me, that was where I failed. That was where I needed to remember what I have learned and not regress back to bad habits. And this is where I actually need to maintain balance more than I am and to stop obsessing over little things that in the grand scheme, really aren’t the end of the world. I’d rather have lived and enjoyed my life than worried that I was eating and drinking the wrong things every day. I need to work on that. I really do.

And when I read Tina‘s post this morning, it really struck a chord with me…because she is one of the bloggers I admire so much in her lifestyle – she knows balance, she applies it each and every day and in very large part because she has been there…far worse than I ever have. The mental mind game is a cruel thing and getting past it is a life changer. She reminded me that I can ‘conquer myself’ but really, only I can do that.

(side note: sorry this post is completely meandering, I have a lot in my brain today)


30 thoughts on “Applying ‘what I learned’ in wine country…and conquering myself.

  1. I don’t think the post is meandering at all. This was your first vacation that was temptation city really. I mean seriously – wine country? Lots of vino, good food, cheese….letting go a little. But the fact that you didn’t gorge yourself, that you did in fact stop, but also enjoyed is key. Life’s short and you only get so many wine country vacations.

    1. temptation city!!! YES, so true, too. Life is too short to regret things like a few extra pieces of cheese…right? Besides, I was excited that eating cheese sans lactaid wasn’t bothering me! small rocks 😉

  2. vacation is all about learning to find that balance. We are too hard on ourselves, but if we keep trying, then its progress! I am glad you enjoyed it though. No looking back, just moving forward. Loved TIna’s post as well!

    1. It is about learning and I learned stuff I didn’t think I would…like, I am STILL learning. Tina’s post hit at the right time too. And so powerful.

  3. Great honest look at where you are.

    Honestly, and I know you’re tired of hearing me say this, but yoga and meditation helped me with the mental mindset you write about. Don’t get me wrong, I fall into the same traps! But I’ve found that if I do more yoga and meditation, I’m more apt to give myself a break. I know on some days, I’ll be more balanced and strong. Some days not. Some times, one side feels better than the other. Every day is different. If I felt a continuing nag on one side, then I would know that something needs to be done. If I know it’s just how I’m feeling today, I don’t let it bother me. For tomorrow I’ll feel different.

    It’s all temporary.

    So you enjoyed yourself while on vacation. Isn’t that what vacation is all about?!?

    I’m glad you got drunk… um… had fun. 🙂

    1. Hehe, yes, there were some drunk moments from all of us, intentionally or not! hey, it’s wine country, hard NOT to, right?! I am never tired of hearing your suggestion and honestly, you are right, I just need to do something about it. Maybe the meditation will also help me in other ways…like running (like you suggested!! too. And I DID enjoy my vacation!!

  4. I think this was a good breakthrough for you sis – to realize that yes, you *are* still learning and that’s ok. Nobody is perfect, nor are we meant to be. I think you tend to hold yourself to such high standards that anything short of perfection leads you into a downward spiral. Instead of realizing that vacations are meant to bend that “balance” bar just a wee bit and to be OK with that versus doing it and then beating yourself up for it afterwards. It pained me to hear you talk that way while you were in such a beautiful place, with M by your side. It really did. I’m glad you took this time to look back and realize where there are spots you can grow and learn and continue to evolve…I’m also glad that you um, fully enjoyed, that wine, shall we say? 😉

    1. Thanks sis. I did enjoy that wine and tried to for BOTH of us since you weren’t there. I needed these lessons to make me realize that maybe I need the balance more than I thought…and wasn’t quite getting it before. Or something. I just know I gotta work on me, mentally, most!

  5. Meandering is what allows us to cleanse our minds. I loved reading it and I think you likely did really well on having that balance you said you strived for. The mental games still get the best of us though. Believe me I know. 😉

    Love you!

    1. The mental game is almost worse, sometimes, isn’t it? I like what you say about meandering cleansing our minds. It really did help me write that out! Love you and your approach to life Tina, it’s always so SO motivating and inspiring for me!

  6. Please please please never regret a single moment of your vacation or any of the things that you experienced!!! You never get those days back!!!

    Every experience is about progressing and moving forward. I remember when I got off weight watchers and stopped counting points….I thought that any deviation from “healthy” eating would cause me to gain weight. But it didn’t…the less I focused on food & the more I focused on smiling and enjoying my life, the more weight I lost. Whenever I get food crazy, I go for a walk. It really seems to help.

    Crap, lime Tostitos are YUMMY, as are cheese and wine. Life without a little indulgence isn’t much fun 🙂

    1. Life without a little indulgence isn’t much fun – that should be a t-shirt! I know, I was thinking about what you said before my trip and trying to keep that balance in mind, but I know I kinda failed at that. I like what you said about not focusing so much on food and just enjoying life and experiences. Point taken so much on that one. I overthink EVERYTHING.

      1. You didn’t fail at anything my dear 🙂 I hate the word fail – we can learn something from any experience. Not to mention, balance is relative…in the big scheme of life you are incredibly balanced. You are diligent about food & exercise when at home – vaca is only 1 week…so in reality, you are balancing your overall life incredibly well!!!!

        Trust me, I totally understand, I over think just about everything as well. By saying these things, I’m also mentally preparing myself for my upcoming vaca and the work travel I’m in the middle of now 🙂 Let’s see if I can practice what I preach 😉

        1. Balance is relative…totally agree. and I know, failure is such a strong/bad word. Not failure. I am an overthinker by nature! Good luck on your trip too, I bet you will do great!!

  7. OH NO!!! You had cheese, wine, chips, on vacation………(cue sarcasm)

    One thing you mentioned was finding balance. Did you? A vacation is in and of itself and indulgence. You are meant to indulge on a vacation. To worry and focus on things like food during a vacation where you should be more focused on atmosphere and who you are with is somewhat ridiculous. The only time you should focus on food on a vacation is when you are allergic to something or in a third world country and you don’t want to shit your brains out cause you caught a bug.

    Being a Type A personality is fine, and really, and I am serious, there is nothing wrong with it. But darlin’, sometimes you just need to let shit go and chill out.

    And back to that balance thing, did you really find it? Cause if you did, don’t you think you would have written about how awesome your vacation to wine country was and how all of us should be fucking jealous as hell of you since you were there and most of us were sitting in an office, while it was raining out?

    And this comment is not intentioned to insult you in anyway. You should know me better than that by now. Now send me a bottle would you? I prefer Pinot Noir. It can be cheap, I don’t care. Best thing about boxed wine is that it is consistent.

    1. Okay, totally point taken, DD. I actually read this comment aloud to my sister over dinner tonight because I really liked it, to be honest. And don’t worry, that post about how awesome the trip was? It’s coming. This was just on my mind all day, so I wanted to get to it while it was fresh. And Pinot Noir? Seriously? For shame. I only buy cabs, syrahs and on rare occasion, a good merlot 😉

  8. I sort of wrote about something like this tonight actually. In my case, it was about eating a pretzel at a baseball game and not beating myself up for it. But I totally get where you’re coming from.

  9. the burdens of high standards for one’s self are often too much to take. good on you for being self-aware enough to recognize it.

    it’s a journey. you’re already most of the way there. and i can’t WAIT to hear about the good stuff!

    1. High standards…yes, indeed can be a burden. I fall into it far too often! And yes, I am remiss in posting about my trip more than what I already wrote the other day. I will soon, hopefully tomorrow 🙂

  10. It’s a hard thing to do – maintain balance without consciously thinking about it…but you’re well on your way to doing just that. Loving and living life while balanced. Gold star for you!! 🙂

  11. There’s nothing wrong with a meandering post. It’s like thinking out loud. And there’s nothing wrong with indulging a little and relaxing on vacation.

  12. A few years ago, I spent 3 weeks eating my way through Europe. I tried once to run on the treadmill, but the settings were all different and confusing and I gave up. I was freaking out that I had ruined all my fitness and gained a ton of weight, but when I got home, I learned it wasn’t the case at all. In retrospect, I think the break did my body good. I think we are always in a “learning process”, which I think is a good thing and hope it never ends!

    1. Thank you for sharing that story, Naomi and I do agree…my body needed a break and I don’t regret that part at all! I am glad you saw it that way too!

  13. I’m glad that you reminded yourself that it wasn’t a total failure because you didn’t follow the plan 100%. You enjoyed your vacation, you didn’t forget about your health, and you committed to your choices and fully taking advantage of your time in Northern California. xoxo

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