Learning to live together: it’s a new world (for me)

**The second in my little series on learning to live with M together. I will write these as the thoughts cross my mind**

Well, it’s been about three weeks since we’ve lived in our new digs and we are really adjusting SO well in all aspects of it so far (of course, I am realistic in knowing that we are still in the ‘this is new, wheee fun’ phase!). I love waking up next to M, going to sleep next to M, and all the stuff in between.

What I am not used to is being just a wee bit farther from my family, some friends, and namely, my sister Jess.

It’s been three weeks since we moved, and the first visit we’ve had has been from M’s parents (Sunday. It was so fun to share it with them! They loved it!). My sister hasn’t come by yet, or anyone else in my family. And I am not saying this in so much as a negative way, because let’s face it, I moved, they didn’t, I should make much more of the effort than anyone else. And it’s *only* been three weeks. And of those three weeks, it’s been a busy three weeks and weekends since. What’s hard for me to adjust to is that being 25 mins from my sister Jess and about 45  from my mom (for example) and knowing that it’ll take just a little more planning to get together than before. I was spoiled living 2 minutes from my mom’s school and 5 miles away from Jess.

So this adjustment in learning to live together is entirely mine. It’s a new world for me. Just a little farther from my roots from where I grew up. M lived nearby for the past year or so and has moved around this state in the past 5 years or so much more than I have. I have lived in the same town for the past 5 years. So, at times, I feel a little more remote than I’d like and I know that I will adjust. And I know that as I write these words, I probably sound relatively ridiculous given so many people live entire states, coasts and countries away from their loved ones.

At the core of it, I am extremely lucky. I am blessed to be as close to much of my family as possible.

So, to be honest, writing these words almost feels wrong. But I am writing them because it is how I feel, this is my haven and this is how I am chronicaling my transition into cohabitation with M. I won’t apologize for my feelings (but I will point out that while I may struggle with the perspective – at times – that I really am not that far from anyone in my family, in the grand scheme of things, I DO see it. I DO know I am lucky).

What I think this does – living a little farther from my comfort zone is two things. One, it thrusts me out of my comfort zone again, and whenever I am uncomfortable, I grow. I learn. I conquer. This is good. This quells stagnation. Two, it naturally enables M and I to come together and really focus on each other as we adjust to living together. Nothing influencing that, nothing distracting us from it. And I think that is important. It goes back to relationship investments. I will also never apologize for that either.

Wow, this post really took a few interesting turns. I hope it makes sense. I hope anyone reading ‘gets’ what I am saying. And I hope I don’t offend anyone either. Like I said, I know I am blessed. I know I am really not *that* far and I know that this is just an adjustment for me.

Learning to live together…it’s just a new world (for me). (not so much for M, in the literal sense!)

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22 thoughts on “Learning to live together: it’s a new world (for me)

  1. I wish I only lived 25 mins from my sis. Funny about perspective huh? And I love the pure honesty of this post actually. Sounds like the adjustments aren’t so much about living together as it is just getting used to a change of pace with being farther from family.

    1. Thanks friend. Yes. it is adjusting to change…change is not my friend all the time, but right now, she’s treating me pretty good. It’s me that needs to adjust!

  2. Lots of learning going on in this post sis. You’re right – sure, I miss you being 5 minutes away, but guess what? it’ll make us work that much harder to find quality time together – like today’s core fusion jaunt for example. We will spend more quality time together than before and that’s more important I think. Same goes for you and M – your time together is a growth period, a time of investing in your relationship, learning and growing together like you’ve never had the chance to before. Embrace it. I know this is new to you and its outside your comfort zone, but like you said – whenever you are uncomfortable, you grow so so so much. And I can’t wait to see you two grow together during this adjustment/transition period. I love this for you…even though I miss you. 😉

    1. Thanks sis. I miss you too! Sniff. But it’s really not far, and we will readjust to this ‘new normal’ for us too! I know we will. And this time is really good for M and me to get to a better cadence and pace with things. Not rush-rush, plan plan, more able to figure out each other’s nuances, etc. It’s a good time to invest in US in this next chapter.

  3. “I love waking up next to M, going to sleep next to M, and all the stuff in between.” Hubba hubba! That’s what SHE said! 😉

    And hey, stop apologizing for “offending” or sharing your feelings. Of COURSE it’s a difficult transition for you. Yes, with perspective, 25 – 45 mins isn’t far. But for someone as close as you are to your family, that seems like a plane trip away!

    It may make things a little different. It may mean extra planning and not as much time together but, as you said, it will allow you to focus on the new life you’re building with your man. Relationships change all the time. You are fortunate to have to supportive and loving family you do.

    Feel your feelings and process them. I doubt anyone who reads here will be offended but they will definitely offer perspective! It’s what we do!

    1. TWSS!! I didn’t even SEE that one coming when I wrote it – hehe 😉

      And I know, I shouldn’t apologize. I just don’t want to offend or come across as though I don’t get it – it is ONLY 25 mins. Not a huge deal in the grand scheme. And this does give us more focus, more time to build the US we have been cultivating. Absolutely agree.

  4. Definitely never apologize for your feelings – I love the honesty of this post. It’s all relative and about what you are use to! I always wish that my sis and I lived closer to each other. But we work on making time or each other, we schedule it in advance, calenders get blocked and we appreciate every moment! One of the best days of my life was with her – the Baystate 1/2 marathon last year. We bonded through virtual training and then had such a great few days together supporting each other, carb loading, celebrating, and laughing in a way that only sisters can understand!

    Getting out of one’s comfort zone is so hard – but thankfully you have someone there to support and love you each step of the way. I’ll never forget my first Christmas away from my family. I was DEVESTATED – it didn’t feel like Christmas because I wasn’t in my childhood home! But now I’m looking forward to Christmas morning, just Eric, Sade and I. We have evolved into our own little nuclear unit which has been life changing (not always a smooth transition, lots of tears over missed family events, who’s family do you spend the holidays with, conflicted feelings, guilt, etc). But we always schedule time for our loved ones both together and on our own. No one gets me like my sister, so even if it means driving 4 hours, I’m going to be there to cheer her on, enjoy a glass of wine, and laugh!

    Sisterly love knows no distance 🙂 You are so good about checking in with your feelings!

    1. Aww! I love that your trained virtually with your sis and then got to experience it together!! that is so awesome! And your Christmas example is right-on, your new nuclear family is so important and so valuable and you too have shown you can adjust. I needed that little bit of inspiration 🙂 Sisterly love knows no distance…YES!!!

    1. Of course. I have always been one to believe in the importance of balance, but my point about focusing on us and investing was just that…making sure we get off on the right foot together in this next phase and not just living together for the sake of it being easier or more convenient and taking it for granted. It would be far too easy to do the opposite – know that he will be home when I get back from being with friends or family etc and not actually spending time TOGETHER, just co-existing. I am trying to balance both, and so far, I think I am doing ok 😉

  5. It’s good that you take the time to explore your feelings. I find that when I do that, things make more sense and I cope better.

    You haven’t lost anything in this move, but you have gained so much.

    Thinking of you as you adjust.

  6. It’s tough to move, regardless of distance. Tim and I are in an interesting position, given we are literally thousands of miles away from our families…but positive things do come from living far(ther) away, even though it can be hard. 🙂

  7. Yes – getting out of your comfort zone is GOOD for you! And, hey missy, you’re still freakin’ close. My family is half-way across the country!

    Glad to hear things are still working out – but didn’t think for a second they wouldn’t be!

  8. I feel you on the sister thing, Jo. My sisters live 3.5 hours and 8 hours away from me…and the youngest is, ACK, moving back to G-town. While I hate that she is, because I feel like she’ll be stuck there, it just means I’ll be up visiting the Boston area once again. 😉 My mom lives 12 hours away now. I miss them.

    Being away from your sisters is hard…I have good days and then I have bad days where I could really just use some time with a woman that’s known me, every day, since we were born. They’re people that just KNOW you. And don’t ever apologize for feeling the way you do…25 minutes or 12 hours, it’s not together. And being “not together” is hard when it comes to love.

  9. That is a huge adjustment, and I totally get what you’re saying. Going from 2 or 5 miles to 25 or 45 minutes makes it tough to just see your loved ones quickly. You and your family are incredibly close so this will take some time to find a new routine. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love that you’re living with M. It’s just that life isn’t that simple. (I hear this often from friends who have had to move out of the DC area because of their husbands’ jobs.) xoxo

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