**I wrote this on my flight to Denver yesterday…*
I sit here on a plane reflecting. It’s been quite a long time since my last work trip (May trip to Vegas, which was a 36 hour blur! Prior to that, my last trip to California was the first week of April, believe it or not!) and I think back to that time period where I was traveling a lot. Like, every other week for a week, a lot.
In that three-month period, I grew so much. I learned the ins and outs of traveling alone, of being a smart traveler, packer, car renter and navigator in foreign cities and states. I learned to cope with homesickness, missing M, my routine and generally, just being in my own element. But being thrust out of my comfort zone – like whoa – and being forced to learn my ‘new normal’ was such a rewarding and growth period for me.
Fast forward to now?
Traveling again? I struggled to pack for a 24-hour trip. I used to have packing down to a science. Now, I am sure I have forgotten things, and I clearly have overpacked. Three outfits, three pairs of shoes? Really? I woke up…next to M, however, and in our new place. This felt so much more comforting than waking up alone with that familiar dread feeling of the pending flight (I always get anxious before a flight, no matter how often I travel!). So was the drive to the airport, together this time. (my other flights have always been during the day or at night on days that weren’t always feasible for M to drive me in, so my mom or my brother in law usually would). Of course, when we parted ways – on our anniversary, no less – I cried. But I hugged him tight, told him I loved him and off I went.
Airport. Bang, familiar, yet again.
Yet different. I don’t know how to describe it other than feeling more sure of myself, more confident. I guess it’s because the last time I traveled for work was the week before I started the 60 day challenge and I was definitely feeling pretty low, body-image wise, at that point, and practically jumping out of my skin to get started. So, when I walked into the airport, I felt more self assured.
When I walked through the terminal to see what my food options were, I was less concerned with making sure to stock up for the flight (not so much on bad food, just probably more food than I really needed), and more concerned with finding something protein-filled and relatively low calorie. Scored an egg white sandwich on a wheat english muffin and felt great. Normally I’d eat that and then be looking for something else, feeling unsatisfied or just accustomed to ‘more.’ But nope, I let myself digest a bit and then asked myself if I was really still hungry. And I wasn’t. I was satisfied.
I feel like the fact that I feel better about my body has also boosted my confidence generally. I feel less shy. And I am looking forward to my meetings with colleagues tomorrow (well, today, when this post actually publishes), because I will feel confident in what I am wearing, not feeling stuffed into my chosen outfit or in something more billowly to feign confidence. It’s funny how feeling good about your body directly affects your mood and outward confidence. At least for me.
I have a few more work trips planned in coming months and while I much prefer being home and in my normal comfort zone, I know these trips will keep fostering growth. Growth is something that lends to happiness…something I am reading as we speak in the “Happiness Project,” the book I bought for M a few months ago that I am now reading. (definitely read it folks, it is AWESOME). For me, growth indeed lends to happiness, because when I am growing, I am happy and when I am not, I feel stagnant. Growth ties in with goals and we all know how I love my goals 😉
I’ve been reflecting a lot lately, and I know a lot of that has to do with the fact that my anniversary with M was yesterday, and my divorce-sary is coming up on two years this weekend, and with Fall comes re-evaluation for me.
How do I want to the next few months to unfold?
Where do I want to go from here?
What else do I want to accomplish?
I feel driven, excited and happy at what’s to come. There are a few things cooking and of course, I will share more when I can, but for now, I’m quite enjoying reflecting on the juxtapositions in my life right now.
Incredible what can happen in not only a year, but a few months, and a lot of work (mentally, physically and emotionally), can do, isn’t it?