Juxtapositions.

**I wrote this on my flight to Denver yesterday…*

I sit here on a plane reflecting. It’s been quite a long time since my last work trip (May trip to Vegas, which was a 36 hour blur! Prior to that, my last trip to California was the first week of April, believe it or not!) and I think back to that time period where I was traveling a lot. Like, every other week for a week, a lot.

In that three-month period, I grew so much. I learned the ins and outs of traveling alone, of being a smart traveler, packer, car renter and navigator in foreign cities and states.  I learned to cope with homesickness, missing M, my routine and generally, just being in my own element. But being thrust out of my comfort zone – like whoa – and being forced to learn my ‘new normal’ was such a rewarding and growth period for me.

Fast forward to now?

Juxtaposition.

Traveling again? I struggled to pack for a 24-hour trip. I used to have packing down to a science. Now, I am sure I have forgotten things, and I clearly have overpacked. Three outfits, three pairs of shoes? Really? I woke up…next to M, however, and in our new place. This felt so much more comforting than waking up alone with that familiar dread feeling of the pending flight (I always get anxious before a flight, no matter how often I travel!). So was the drive to the airport, together this time. (my other flights have always been during the day or at night on days that weren’t always feasible for M to drive me in, so my mom or my brother in law usually would). Of course, when we parted ways – on our anniversary, no less – I cried. But I hugged him tight, told him I loved him and off I went.

Airport. Bang, familiar, yet again.

Yet different. I don’t know how to describe it other than feeling more sure of myself, more confident. I guess it’s because the last time I traveled for work was the week before I started the 60 day challenge and I was definitely feeling pretty low, body-image wise, at that point, and practically jumping out of my skin to get started. So, when I walked into the airport, I felt more self assured.

When I walked through the terminal to see what my food options were, I was less concerned with making sure to stock up for the flight (not so much on bad food, just probably more food than I really needed), and more concerned with finding something protein-filled and relatively low calorie. Scored an egg white sandwich on a wheat english muffin and felt great. Normally I’d eat that and then be looking for something else, feeling unsatisfied or just accustomed to ‘more.’ But nope, I let myself digest a bit and then asked myself if I was really still hungry. And I wasn’t. I was satisfied.

Juxtaposition.

I feel like the fact that I feel better about my body has also boosted my confidence generally. I feel less shy. And I am looking forward to my meetings with colleagues tomorrow (well, today, when this post actually publishes), because I will feel confident in what I am wearing, not feeling stuffed into my chosen outfit or in something more billowly to feign confidence. It’s funny how feeling good about your body directly affects your mood and outward confidence. At least for me.

Juxtaposition.

I have a few more work trips planned in coming months and while I much prefer being home and in my normal comfort zone, I know these trips will keep fostering growth. Growth is something that lends to happiness…something I am reading as we speak in the “Happiness Project,” the book I bought for M a few months ago that I am now reading. (definitely read it folks, it is AWESOME). For me, growth indeed lends to happiness, because when I am growing, I am happy and when I am not, I feel stagnant. Growth ties in with goals and we all know how I love my goals 😉

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately, and I know a lot of that has to do with the fact that my anniversary with M was yesterday, and my divorce-sary is coming up on two years this weekend, and with Fall comes re-evaluation for me.

How do I want to the next few months to unfold?

Where do I want to go from here?

What else do I want to accomplish?

I feel driven, excited and happy at what’s to come. There are a few things cooking and of course, I will share more when I can, but for now, I’m quite enjoying reflecting on the juxtapositions in my life right now.

Incredible what can happen in not only a year, but a few months, and a lot of work (mentally, physically and emotionally), can do, isn’t it?

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20 thoughts on “Juxtapositions.

  1. I can completely relate to this!!! I got home last night from my first business trip since May…it’s the longest I’ve been at home for a very long time!!! Having that time at home to be in a routine and connect with my loved ones was JUST what I needed. I was able to approach this trip with a VERY different perspective.

    Isn’t it nice to have the one you love drop you off at airport…it seems so much less lonely than taking a cab or driving yourself! And I know what you mean about the food at the airport and restaurants…it can be daunting, but it is possible to make good choices that leave you energized and feeling confident. That’s something that I’ve tried to focus on lately.

    Do you every struggle with sleeping on the road? That’s my biggest problem. I generally don’t sleep well which leaves me exhausted and a bit sniffly when I get home.

    1. YES!! Wow, we are on the same wavelength huh? I LOVE when M picks me up too, because he always parks and greets me at the gate. so romantic 🙂 And just seeing a smiling face after a trip is the best feeling ever, I never sleep well on trips either. It’s too quiet, I toss and turn and usually there is a time difference so that doesn’t help either! I am glad your trip just now was way different than your last one too! so cool!

  2. Once again, totally agree with T – love how literally “on fire” you are right now sis. Your confidence screams out at me in this post and that makes my heart soar. That’s the one thing I’ve been waiting to see from you since you started to struggle with confidence issues a year ago or so. Makes me beam with happiness to see such joy in you again. You deserve this, you’ve worked for it, you are hot stuff sis!!

  3. I’m reading The Happiness Project right now for our book club!! I’m actually NOT a fan and have been trudging through it, I think it’s because I don’t like the narrator…
    And I prefer to read actual novels rather than how-to’s…I get to pick the next book though and I am picking Cutting for Stone. I’ve heard amazing things about it!!

  4. I really love hearing you sound so happy and confident lately. It’s great.

    I really enjoyed the happiness project. I didn’t really like the chapter about not nagging your husband though. I don’t want to know what that says about me!

  5. I love the honesty in all of your posts! Honest with yourself and honest with us. It’s refreshing. And I’m so happy for this place you are in these days – the new home with M, with more body confidence, less worrying about “more food” – I really understand that one. Cheers to you, pretty lady! xo

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