The last night.

**written last night, my last night living solo, before moving in with the man I was meant to meet**

I am trying to think back to my first night living solo after my ex-husband told me he wanted a divorce, almost three years ago now. Funny how the details feel so fuzzy that I can’t even remember the exact date. I just know it was around October 31, 2008.

I remember feeling alone. Scared. Really scared. Worried about my future, financially, emotionally, mentally. I wondered if my heart could handle the pain, the heartbreak, the physical feeling that someone was sitting on my chest, crushing my heart with every passing moment.

I remember learning to embrace living alone (once I moved into my first apartment by myself). Enjoying an evening where I don’t speak a word to anyone else for the entire night…except to my cats. (don’t laugh!) Enjoying a glass of wine while catching up on DVR. Or reading a book. Just being alone and enjoying it.

Fast forward to tonight?

I am embracing being alone this evening, finishing packing a few last minute things, getting my Food Network fix (though M automatically turns this channel on for me already when I visit his place, I guess my habits are evident!), enjoying that solo glass of wine and not speaking to a soul. Kitties by my side. Warm breeze through the window. Quiet. Calm. Happy.

But as much as I am enjoying this evening, embracing my last night living alone, I am practically jumping out of my skin excited to live with M. See him everyday. Touch him every day. Tell him face to face how much I love him. Make him lunch (yes, make him lunch), and make dinners together. Laugh. Embrace. Kiss. Re-learn what it’s like to co-habitate. (I know it won’t be all puppies and rainbows as we adjust to each others’ habits, but I am almost equally as excited at that prospect…a new growth phase for both of us).

It’s my last night living alone.

And I couldn’t be happier with what’s to come. To the next phase of this beautiful life I have created for myself. Cheers to that.

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45 thoughts on “The last night.

  1. Yay!!! And for the record, you can still have that quiet space to yourself if you’d like to have it. I’m sure M would love a space like that for him too. Make it happen. It can only add more butterflies to the relationship. (TRUST me on this!)

    Thrilled for you!

  2. WOW Your ex is an idiot!!! look how pretty and wonderful you are!! Why on earth would he want a divorce…HUGE loss for him but your GAIN! MR M will love you and treat you right. I wish you the best girl!

    HS

  3. SO SO SO excited for this next phase in your relationship. AND to see you grow personally more and more – both with M and on your own. You are such an inspiration sis. truly. PS. I also loved that we got one last run together in on one of your old routes, brought back such memories huh?

  4. Yay! Cheers! It’ll be an adventure…and a unique one at that. I can’t even imagine what it was like “alone” anymore. I get a taste when Tim is away on business…and I’m personally not a fan.

  5. found your blog through the wonder of SingleGirlie’s blog and just wanted to say how happy your post made me! I am living alone after my 3 1/2 year relationship ended (no marriage though…one of the reasons for the ending ironically) and I am adjusting (still) to being alone. Also kicking my butt to the kerb and starting to run. I wish you all the happiness with your new OH and hope you have tonnes of fun living together!

    Jem

  6. it is nice, beyond nice, to live with someone again. i’m glad to have spent that time learning how to be me on my own and all, but there really is nothing like sharing that intimacy with a worthy partner. cheers to a HUGE milestone! 🙂

  7. this is so sweet. I love that routine you had and I basically do the same when the hubs is gone. Now enjoy your new space and all it has to offer.
    🙂

  8. I’m so happy for you, I hope you and M have a wonderful time living together, it really does sound like it’s the right time and move for you both. Smiles

  9. I love this post, Jo. I know it must have been so hard for you to go from being married and living with someone to living alone. I know that I get jittery when Herrick’s away for three nights. (And then sometimes…I enjoy them. lol) But I’m so glad that your NEW change is going from living alone to living with someone you love and admire. Your happiness is truly apparent in this post. You’re seeing the good in what that first night alone brought you. Had it not happened, your first night with M wouldn’t be happening. Congrats, friend. ❤

  10. I found your blog today looking at relationship topics and seeing your post on someone’s blog. I’m not sure what is going on with my marriage these days but I’m happy to have found your blog and plan on reading more. I Hope you don’t mind. – Lisa

  11. I remember feeling after my husband left that only certifiably crazy people would ever consider putting their heart at risk after a divorce. haha….funny how those feelings change after you meet the right guy.

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