A simple walk.

Last night, I had this whole post written out…’where to go from here?’ because, ever since I had my runner-not-racer epiphany, I’ve been struggling.

Not with my decision. No. Because (at least for now), it is the right one for me. I’ve felt like a weight has lifted from my shoulders and I can get back to what I love about running. Just running.

But in wondering what my next step is, my next challenge, my next ‘thing.’ For those of you shaking your heads at me, wondering why I can’t just ‘be,’ well, this is how I just ‘be,’ I DO. I set goals. It keeps me balanced. And ultimately, it makes me happy.

But last night, after a frustrating day working (for no other reason than just a lot up in the air, and some wild goose chases I had to deal with), I was hopeful that barre n9ne would shake the grumpies loose. And it did, but only briefly.

I just felt pent up, angsty, stressed.

But why? I didn’t really know.

~~

This morning, I decided to take a walk. In part because my legs *still* feel like dead weight after the half and in part because it’s a gorgeous day and I should be taking more walks (it is on my summer bucket list after all).

A walk so simple in that it was head-clearing.

Walking along the route I’ve run a zillion times this summer, seeing things I hadn’t seen before because I’m usually whizzing past them or focusing too much on the actual act of running. Making me realize I need to have a ‘walker’s mindset’ when I run. Calm. Happy. Taking it all in.

Because isn’t that what running is all about for me? The enjoyment part of it? The being outside part of it? Breathing in the summer air?

And then I realized something else. I wasn’t so much stressed about packing, I’ve been mourning the end of something. Not in a bad way, but just in a omigodsomethingischanging way. (you know me, I love me a routine!) I’m moving from an area I’ve lived in since just before I got engaged. More than 5 years of my life. I haven’t really let myself feel that yet, allow myself to start saying goodbye to this area, an area that has been ‘me’ for so long.

And then I looked around. I never saw it before. Paths.

Everywhere along my route, I kept seeing paths. I am on the cusp of a new path.

A path forward with a man I was meant to meet, at that very point in my life last September. And a new path with my goals and challenges of myself, workout-wise. Running. For me. Wrapping my head around my path segmenting ever so slightly from my sister’s, in that regard.

A simple walk…was just what I needed today. Gave me the boost I needed, the perspective I was losing and the motivation to walk down that path. Whereever it leads.

Advertisements

35 thoughts on “A simple walk.

  1. Sounds like that walk was just what you needed! Glad that you’re feeling better. You’ll figure out your path…it just may take a while to get there.

    (Ironically our posts are kinda similar today, about needing to find our way and figure out “what next” in our lives. Interesting.)

      1. Sometimes we just need to slow down and look around a bit….I know that’s something I don’t do nearly as much as I should (and I think you’re guilty of the same thing…. ๐Ÿ˜‰ It’s good to do that sometimes, it can be just what we need – like for you today.

  2. That sounds like such a nice way to start your day.

    Also, I am a same day unpacker too. I can’t go to sleep until everything is unpacked.

  3. See, how you describe the walk is how I typically feel about my morning runs. Of course, this was after a long struggle and fight with running. Once I started to enjoy everything else around me, I saw so many things I was missing: that fantastic sunrise, flowers, bunnies, new paths, hell even new buildings that weren’t new at all, I just noticed “things” and not myself.

    You are setting down a new path and that can be scary. It’s not the familiar route, but just think of all the new things you get to see now ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. See? That’s what I need to get to with my runs. Not so stressful, enjoy them, much like walks. And while the new path is new and different and a little scary, it’s going to be wonderful, I just know it. Even if there is a growing pains period!

  4. Love this. And I completely understand the need for goals in order to just simply be. You are on the right path. Thank you for letting us join you on the walk.

    Big hugs!

  5. Ah yes, that’s how I “be” too. Goals. What’s next? Where do I go from here to make myself a better person?!? Yup, that’s me!

    I love the symbolism in this post and your walk. You’ll settle in soon enough.

    ((hugs))

    1. Right. What’s next! Tell me, tell me! Do, do! That’s me! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I am glad you liked the symbolism too. Funny how that stuff just pops outta nowhere.

  6. Gorgeous! I was thinking something similarly yesterday when I was so damn cranky but couldn’t do anything about it–knowing a walk or some exercise would help. It’s good that you enjoyed your walk ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Restlessness is telling. It’s never about what we initially think it’s about, and in this case, realizing that you are grieving for leaving an area and a certain time in your life to move forward is really important. Self awareness is key.

    1. Marissa, I nodded fiercely when I read your comment. So true – restlessness is always about something else. Thank you for your always-thoughtful comments and feedback friend!

  8. Sometimes slowing down makes all the difference in the world.

    Sometimes taking yourself completely out of wherever you usually are can completely change your point of view.

    Sometimes breathing deeply is all it takes.

  9. BINGO sis, this is exactly how running should evolve for you – into an experience that lets you soak in the sights and sounds around you, fully and with abandon. Rather than focusing on how hard or challenging the run is, switching your focus (ala Lindsay!) can make SUCH a difference. So glad this walk became so much more than a walk, but an eye-opening experience, and when you least expected it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s