Last night, I had this whole post written out…’where to go from here?’ because, ever since I had my runner-not-racer epiphany, I’ve been struggling.
Not with my decision. No. Because (at least for now), it is the right one for me. I’ve felt like a weight has lifted from my shoulders and I can get back to what I love about running. Just running.
But in wondering what my next step is, my next challenge, my next ‘thing.’ For those of you shaking your heads at me, wondering why I can’t just ‘be,’ well, this is how I just ‘be,’ I DO. I set goals. It keeps me balanced. And ultimately, it makes me happy.
But last night, after a frustrating day working (for no other reason than just a lot up in the air, and some wild goose chases I had to deal with), I was hopeful that barre n9ne would shake the grumpies loose. And it did, but only briefly.
I just felt pent up, angsty, stressed.
But why? I didn’t really know.
This morning, I decided to take a walk. In part because my legs *still* feel like dead weight after the half and in part because it’s a gorgeous day and I should be taking more walks (it is on my summer bucket list after all).
A walk so simple in that it was head-clearing.
Walking along the route I’ve run a zillion times this summer, seeing things I hadn’t seen before because I’m usually whizzing past them or focusing too much on the actual act of running. Making me realize I need to have a ‘walker’s mindset’ when I run. Calm. Happy. Taking it all in.
Because isn’t that what running is all about for me? The enjoyment part of it? The being outside part of it? Breathing in the summer air?
And then I realized something else. I wasn’t so much stressed about packing, I’ve been mourning the end of something. Not in a bad way, but just in a omigodsomethingischanging way. (you know me, I love me a routine!) I’m moving from an area I’ve lived in since just before I got engaged. More than 5 years of my life. I haven’t really let myself feel that yet, allow myself to start saying goodbye to this area, an area that has been ‘me’ for so long.
And then I looked around. I never saw it before. Paths.
Everywhere along my route, I kept seeing paths. I am on the cusp of a new path.
A path forward with a man I was meant to meet, at that very point in my life last September. And a new path with my goals and challenges of myself, workout-wise. Running. For me. Wrapping my head around my path segmenting ever so slightly from my sister’s, in that regard.
A simple walk…was just what I needed today. Gave me the boost I needed, the perspective I was losing and the motivation to walk down that path. Whereever it leads.