Yesterday, my Nonno (Italian for grandfather) passed away.
And I felt nothing for him, but everything for my father.
And sadness because in a big way, I wished I had my Nonna for these past two years, not my Nonno (who we’ve all been basically estranged from for years).
And feeling for my dad also in part for losing both parents in as many years, but also because of some long drawn out family drama that has caused a separation of sorts from that side of the family and us. (without getting into too much detail, let’s just say given some in-fighting with my dad and aunt, my sisters and I have stayed out of it, and therefore, away from that side of the family since my Nonna’s passing. I know my father is not blameless, though, either…).
It’s a funny thing…family. This side of the family. My relationship with my dad has been less than stellar over the years (I suppose that deserves a ‘throwback’ of its own from my old blog, doesn’t it?), but most recently, it has been stronger, and again due to the tie that unites…my niece Isabel. So, now that he is faced with figuring out how (and if?) to grieve his father’s passing, I am faced with what to do with my own feelings…do I care so much that Nonno passed away? Honestly, I do not. He was not a very good man, father, husband, or grandfather. He had a lot of evil tendencies. He was essentially separated from my Nonna for many many years (since Italians don’t believe in divorce…of course), and I didn’t know him well, if really at all.
What I am faced with is this. Missing my Nonna. She was a beautiful woman. I wish she was here.
But as she is not, I will just say this: hug your life. hug your family, hug your loved ones, hug your friends. avoid drama. especially of the familial kind. Because it’s usually not worth the price. In fact, it never is.
Yesterday, my Nonno passed away.
…and I’ve never wanted a hug from my Nonna more.