Yesterday, my Nonno passed away.

Yesterday, my Nonno (Italian for grandfather) passed away.

And I felt nothing for him, but everything for my father.

And sadness because in a big way, I wished I had my Nonna for these past two years, not my Nonno (who we’ve all been basically estranged from for years).

And feeling for my dad also in part for losing both parents in as many years, but also because of some long drawn out family drama that has caused a separation of sorts from that side of the family and us. (without getting into too much detail, let’s just say given some in-fighting with my dad and aunt, my sisters and I have stayed out of it, and therefore, away from that side of the family since my Nonna’s passing. I know my father is not blameless, though, either…).

It’s a funny thing…family.  This side of the family. My relationship with my dad has been less than stellar over the years (I suppose that deserves a ‘throwback’ of its own from my old blog, doesn’t it?), but most recently, it has been stronger, and again due to the tie that unites…my niece Isabel. So, now that he is faced with figuring out how (and if?) to grieve his father’s passing, I am faced with what to do with my own feelings…do I care so much that Nonno passed away? Honestly, I do not. He was not a very good man, father, husband, or grandfather. He had a lot of evil tendencies. He was essentially separated from my Nonna for many many years (since Italians don’t believe in divorce…of course), and I didn’t know him well, if really at all.

What I am faced with is this. Missing my Nonna. She was a beautiful woman. I wish she was here.

But as she is not, I will just say this: hug your life. hug your family, hug your loved ones, hug your friends. avoid drama. especially of the familial kind. Because it’s usually not worth the price. In fact, it never is.

Yesterday, my Nonno passed away.

…and I’ve never wanted a hug from my Nonna more.

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41 thoughts on “Yesterday, my Nonno passed away.

  1. We had a similar relationship to my grandfather on my mom’s side. His negativity and nastiness was too much and we said goodbye long before his passing. But even so, when it does happen, feelings arise – all those memories come back.

    All my love to you and your family – today in your grieving and everyday for the joy you choose to spread, instead of that negativity that other cling to.

    1. Alicia, your comment almost made me cry…the end of it. So so true, so beautiful. My love back to you and your family as you continue to grieve for the loss of a great man…akin to the way my Nonna was, sounds exactly like your grandfather…(also glad you know what I am talking about re: my Nonno…)

    1. Thanks for your prayers, friend, means so much. More so for the drama, and I agree on relationships growing stronger, that is always, always my hope.

  2. I miss Nonna more now than ever. Whenever my mind wanders, it ultimately wanders to thoughts of her. She was wonderful and beautiful and loving and kind. Polar opposite of Nonno.

  3. I’m sorry you didn’t get to experience the love from him as you did from your Nonna. But it sounds like she more than made up for it and were so incredibly lucky to have had her in your life. I have a feeling you’re probably a lot like her 😉 Hugs my friend.

  4. Aw… I’m so sorry this brought up more hurt from losing your Nonna. I agree with you though – family drama is so heartwrenching. I’ve been dealing with my own family drama for … holy crap… way too long. (I was going to say few years and then I realized, it’s ALWAYS been drama.)

    ((hugs)) to you and your family. Stay close where you can.

    1. Family drama is heartwrenching. Nonna would hate this. Those that are behaving badly are acting just as Nonno was…and for me, I’d much prefer to uphold Nonna and do right by her…no drama, no fighting. Washing my hands of a fight I was never part of to begin with. ‘stay close where you can’ <–absolutely.

  5. Jo, I’m sorry about your grandpa…and I know how you feel. My grandmother on my Dad’s side (that entire side of the family minus my grandpa is whack – yes, I used whack) is still alive, and while I don’t HOPE it happens, when it does, I won’t be sorry. (She’s the one that faked the heartattack.) It’s really hard to grieve someone when they’re not good. Family is family, and while yes, it’s sad that the person’s gone, knowing the not-so-good moments are fewer makes it hard to miss someone. Am I making sense?

    Family IS a funny thing…it needs an entire blog in itself to discuss it. Hehe. Your whole family is my thoughts today, for sure, though.

    1. You are making absolute sense. The goings on of that side of my family could certainly use an entire blog to get to it all. Absolutely. XO.

  6. I hate family drama. My aunt and cousins haven’t talked to us in like 5 years, and all because of some kiddie drama. We’ve reached out to her several times and just…nothing. I saw her at another cousin’s wedding in May, and we hugged each other and cried, but still, there has been no contact since.
    I just don’t get it. SO in essence, I’m sorry about your Nonno. But I understand where you’re coming from.

    1. I don’t get it either. Family drama is almost worse than any other kind of drama, friends or otherwise, isn’t it? Not worth it. Thank you for understanding, you ‘get’ what I mean by this.

  7. ugh, estrangement and bad feelings have this horrible way of making transitions like this just so much harder to handle. the grief pattern isn’t linear (as if there’s ever one that is, but you get the idea); there are all these extra dimensions that you never saw coming. it’s never pure, it’s never clear, and it’s never, ever easy.

    keeping y’all close in my thoughts through it all…

  8. Ohhh honey I’m so sorry, and I’m sorry I’m only reading this now (my Blackberry network has been down all day).

    You feel whatever you’ve got to feel, for whomever you have to feel it for… and you know where to find me if you want to chat.

    1. That’s ok dear, thank you for your thoughts and love, as always. And I definitely know you have had your fair share of family drama and issues and get this other aspect of it completely. XO.

  9. Thinking of you. Family drama really does tear your heart apart a bit. It sounds like your niece has brought SO many good things to your family though. What a blessing to have the family grow in that way.

    1. Thank you Penelope! Yes, family drama has definitely tore apart parts of this family, and it’s just sad and needless. And yes, Isabel has brought so many good things to the family and is carrying on my Nonna’s name beautifully!

  10. I am so sorry!! I’m over here all, I’m pregnant!!” and you’re dealing with this – still with a strong smile on your face!! I feel like a bad friend! Let me know if there’s anything I can do!

    1. No worries dear, seriously! You aren’t a bad friend, far from it. Thank you for your ever-loving support…our of death comes life, right? Joyous for your pregnancy 🙂

  11. You know, many difficult things in life are often portrayed as straightforward. With death, grief. Mourning. Loss.

    And yet.

    Sometimes the difficult things in life are less straightforward, more complicated. There is still loss, but it is less clear how to mourn. If to mourn. If we feel grief or loss. What does that mean if we don’t. There is no road map, on top of everything else. Maybe we are less affected in ways that are clear and easy to understand, but more in ways that are convoluted and difficult to discuss. Maybe that makes it easier, not feeling as much grief… but that doesn’t make it easy.

    Much love.

    1. You have worded so succinctly what I did not, and what is exactly coursing through my brain. Thank you for your words, thoughts and love. XOXO.

  12. The comment above is what I was thinking, only she said it much MUCH more eloquently.

    God’s Blessings in your rough time, J.

    -QT

  13. I can imagine those emotions are all hard to process. Caring over the loss of someone, but at the same time knowing it doesn’t emotionally affect you so much because there isn’t as strong a tie to that person. I felt the same way over the death of my grandmother. It hurt, but more for the feelings of loss over others who meant more and it bringing those back out. Regardless – I know you’re strength and appreciate your sharing! 🙂

  14. My parents separated when I was twelve. Then my father died before the divorce was ever finalized. And I pretty much haven’t seen that side of the family for roughly 27 years. I understand what you are going through. Thinking of you!

    Big hugs.

  15. Aw, I’m so sorry you’re missing your Nonna so much. 😦 Family is so important, and I agree that you should treasure them and not create drama.

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