Wavering.

*I wrote this last night and while this feeling has since passed, I wanted to share it anyway, as a reminder to myself, and to blurt out on ‘paper’ what’s swirling in my brain presently**

A funny thing since the 60 day challenge officially ended a couple of weeks ago (though we are measuring- and weighing-in again in mid-August to see if we’re still making progress at the 90 day mark!).

I find myself wavering eeever so slightly.

With food choices. (read Jess’s blog here for what obviously is what is weighing on my mind too)

With body image (ugh. hate to even admit this).

With where-to-go-from-here once the half is over…deciding on my next steps, my mixture of running-to-barre ratio and what else I may (or may not) add in come fall/winter when running outside is not nearly as feasible (winter, mainly!).

Wavering.

Maybe it’s tiredness (let’s face it, Jess and I have both been going balls to the wall with our workouts, combined with the crescendo of our long runs leading into our half marathon on August 14!)

Maybe it’s fear of the unknown just a little bit.

Maybe it’s the ‘going halfway and then stopping’ mentality.We’ve come SO far, why stop now? Why not keep exploring and seeing what our bodies can do?

And maybe it’s a wee bit of PMS (the body image stuff trying to poke it’s head back into my brain).

And maybe it’s a little bit of all of this wrapped together as the challenge becomes even moreso MY journey, MY schedule, MY choices. And that’s a little scary after having something a little more structured to follow.

But the sky’s the limit. And I want  – and am motivated to – keep going, keep pushing (safely), keep making (and reaching!) new goals.

But up first? The half marathon on August 14. It’s coming up so fast and I am actually really excited about it. It’s daunting, as any race would be at this level, but I am finally confident that I can do it. And I want to prove it. To myself. (no wavering here!).

BRING IT.

I guess we all have wavering moments sometimes, huh? Has this ever happened to you? <–like how I kinda talked myself out of wavering after writing it out? reason #257 why I love my blogging haven so!

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19 thoughts on “Wavering.

  1. Yes, we do all have these types of moments. But the true test is what you decide to do. My guess is that you’re going to move forward and not just stop halfway. You’re going to keep pushing and exploring. So have some doubts is probably good. It makes you stop and think about what you’re doing and why. Reflection is good.

    1. You’re right Heather, I will keep going, for sure. I guess fear gets in my way sometimes, and that makes me go back to my comfort zone. But I’d like a new comfort zone that includes this lifestyle, this feeling. Ya know?

    1. Good question. I don’t necessarily consider it pushing (some aspects yes – like, the half marathon, but not the lifestyle I have built for myself of late) holistically, but being goal-oriented and wanting to keep seeing what my body can do. I feel I still have some work to do mentally (self image) and physically, but I also want to maintain what I’ve worked for the last few months. I think once the half is over, I will feel less like I am pushing and more towards a steady balance of workouts etc without a hard and fast goal in mind (like a half marathon), if that makes sense?

  2. Interesting point about the stopping halfway thing – I hadn’t thought of that, but now that you brought it up, maybe that’s part of why I gave in this weekend – because I was allowing myself to fall back into an old habit…of giving up right before finishing what I started. Not anymore. I finish what I start. No matter what. And so do you. Onward – to whatever lies ahead for both of us 🙂

    1. I do think part of it is definitely the stopping halfway thing, now that we have reached the end of the challenge. Sliding into status quo mode or something. But I am excited to keep going 🙂

  3. Funny to read this today. I just finished some yoga and I’m trying to prepare my body for this weekend’s triathlon. I have these random pains… I can tell I’ve been pushing myself too hard. I was just wondering if I should consider still pursuing the triathlon disciplines over winter or if I should just focus on yoga again.

    All I know is when I’m not doing yoga, I feel old and my athleticism suffers. I don’t want to lose it… but I don’t want to hurt myself either.

    Totally get you on the wavering thing. Just listen to your body and ask what it wants, as you would do a really good friend.

    1. Most definitely agree with you on treating your body as a good friend! Thus why I do try my best to listen to my body, and right now, that means FULL weekend of rest 🙂 It’s working wonderfully with a heavier workout week. I definitely always want to ‘hear’ what my body is saying too and will never push to the point that it’s screaming (at least not too badly – kidding).

  4. oh yes. this is constant. Everyone has good days and bad days, but you just sorta dust yourself off and remember that tomorrow is a new day. Eric calls them “my moods” and he knows I snap out of it eventually.

  5. I agree that we all have wavering moments… we all get tired… we all kind of want to quit…

    I also see Momma Sunshine’s point – does it always have to be goal-oriented?

    Maybe it should be finding the balance – between the doubting/laziness in your mind (that we all have – how many mornings have I just wanted to go back to sleep instead of on to the bike…) and your body/mind telling you you need a break. That’s ok too you know…

    Instead of feeling pressure/worry about a goal and structure, have you thought about what makes you happy on a regular basis? Maybe it’s not always and upwards, maybe there is a level that is good, for now? ….hmmm…

    1. you’re right (as is Sunshine), it doesn’t always have to be goal-oriented and I don’t plan for it to be. I’ve just always enjoyed having something to work towards, if that makes sense. But there is also a time to just let what’s working for me flow, without an agenda in mind as well. I am reaching that ‘level where its good’ I promise. No pushing too hard for me (hopefully that’s not what came across too heavily in my post!). XO.

  6. We’re so goal oriented. I love it, but at the same time…it can create such frustration. Look at how far you’ve come. You can do anything you want. Seriously. You amaze me.

  7. You are in the thick of race training and just concluded a physically challenging challenge – you should be tired! 🙂 A couple weeks before a race is always the most tiring so I think the feelings of waivering are normal. Glad to read you are over it tho’!

    1. Ya know what? You are so right on that. I am sure a lot of the wavering is just tiredness from nearing the end of training for the half. But it’s so worth it 🙂

  8. Ack. Jo, I feel you on this so much!!! Goals are amazing in that if you really want them, you go for them, and it feels amazing to accomplish them. When we’re done, though, we tend to feel a little lost. We suddenly need another goal in sight…and that’s where I have a hard time. After both of my 5Ks, I kind of lost sight of consistent training. After Body for Life, I’ve been bad at getting a lifting routine in. Kinda stinky.

    I wish you guys lived down here…winter is really mild most times, so running outdoors would be awesome. Up there, you’re covered in snow. Man I remember those winters. We had ONE like that two years ago, when yours was mild.

    You’re a rockstar, lady…I can’t wait to see what you have in store for after the half.

    1. I wish we lived closer too and had milder winters 😉 You are right, goals keep us going, and that’s why I am constantly making them. I like to strive for something all the time. And thank you for the support on the half, I hope I don’t disappoint 🙂

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