How often do you ask…”How are you?”

How are you?

How often do you ask your friends, family or loved ones how they are?

Or how their day is going? Or how their job is going? Or how their life is going? Or how their relationship is going?

Or to call to say hi, or send a quick text, or a Facebook post with a funny story or just simply to say ‘I miss you, let’s hang out?’

I can venture to guess it’s not as often as you’d like to think. I will own up to this too in saying that I don’t do it as often as I’d like to, though I am trying more to reach out, to make my friends feel loved, appreciated, thought of.

(the fabulous) NYSoonerGirl wrote on a similar topic the other day and honestly, she’s right. We live in a self-centric society. We’re all prone to falling into the me,me,me trap, but when you’re at the butt of it and feeling as though you put the effort in, and those around you simply don’t. It sucks. It feels pretty shitty. I want to remember that feeling and try to pay it forward even more. To say hello, to send a note to those that I don’t get to see or talk to regularly (friends that live afar that I wish were near…cough, cough, Amy! Miss you friend! So much these days!!), Skype chat, call, Facetime chat (for those with iPhones!). Have coffee with. Have lunch with. Whatever works.

I can’t say I will be perfect at this little effort, but I am going to commit to doing more of it. With my move fast approaching (one month from tomorrow! ahh!), I realize that I won’t be as close to some friends and family as I have been. I definitely take it for granted and will regret it when I live just a wee bit further.

So, friends, I challenge you.

Pay it forward.

Ask how your friends are. Send them a random note. Or a tweet. Or a text. Or a phone call. Or a handwritten note (if my writing were more legible…). Anything. I’m sure they would appreciate it.


Speaking of paying it forward, bloggers united – like whoa – for the Great Fundraising Act this week for Susan…raising almost 30K in donations and auction funds on Monday. I participated and was thrilled to be part of it, but am still floored by the power of blogging and uniting for a cause. This got such widespread acknowledgement too! Fitness Magazine even wrote about it (and some others!)…how COOL is that?!


28 thoughts on “How often do you ask…”How are you?”

  1. Ooooh I love this SO MUCH Jo! Thank you for posting it. πŸ™‚

    I have been uber self-centered lately, wrapped up in work and not paying attention to those I love. Time to realign!


    1. Isn’t that a good idea? Sometimes, it’s hard to even realize you are doing it…especially when you’ve had it done to you before, and then when you do, it just feels good to make someone else’s day with a little pick me up, right?

  2. I love this concept, sis. I’ve been really trying to pay closer attention to my friends (and family), making sure to ask how they are doing, how their day was, a quick text even is better than nothing at all. it’s so easy to get wrapped up in “me” and to forget about the loved ones around you that could use a hug or a “hi” or anything that shows them they are loved and cared for. That’s true friendship in my book – the reach out without needing to be prompted to do it. Reaching out because you want to, because you care, truly.

  3. Amen, lady!

    It takes real effort to stay in touch, and to make sure people know how much you care about them – but it’s still SO important! Although, I do have to say, the nearest and dearest and oldest friends I have are the ones that make is SO easy… I don’t need to contact them, we can go for months without talking, and pick right back up like nothing happened.

    Doesn’t mean that’s the right way to do it, though!

    On the flip side, I think there is also something to be said for realizing that you CAN’T be good friends with everyone you’ve ever met. Not even all the really awesome people. You have to sometimes let go of friendships (in the sense that you have to actively maintain them) in order to be good at the ones you keep. It sucks, and it’s hard, but it has to happen.

    1. YES – the easy friendships where the give and take is just…there. Naturally. I love those kinds of friendships best. As for the second part of your comment…absolutely agree. I consider myself to have a small circle of close friends (for a reason!) and these are the ones I most want to try and stay in touch with, make them feel special etc. The rest? Well, they eventually become acquaintances. Friendso-lution? (evolution…trying to make a spin on that word, didn’t quite work though!).

    1. Yes! I love those ‘just to say hi’ emails. Makes me feel special, thought of, ya know? Even if it’s once in awhile, I think it’s worth doing!

  4. i am so bad about this. i’ve really been making an effort to do more of these little check-ins, because i know when i hear from my friends, it makes me so happy.

    1. Exactly. It doesn’t even take that long but it is SO easy to let go by the wayside, especially when busy. But it feels SO good to do it and SO good to feel remembered by friends too.

    1. Thought you might πŸ™‚ I like to do that too, especially seeing pictures of my beautiful niece during the day πŸ™‚

  5. Hey friend. How are you? πŸ˜‰ Haha, I’m an ass, I know. I love this post. I’m sure you remember my FB issue, where I felt like a friendship or two of mine are very one-way? For this very reason. I’m always checking in on her and trying to be involved in her life…wasn’t getting it back. And it’s kind of a slap in the face, you know? Like you’re not worth the reciprocation.

    Thank you for putting this out there…it’s a great reminder. πŸ™‚

    1. You aren’t an ass! I giggled reading that.I am GREAT, how are YOU doing hot stuff?? πŸ˜‰ Yea, I remember that and remember nodding – amen – I totally get this. I hate that too, it is a sucky feeling.

  6. NYSoonerGirl’s post hit me too, because I do do things like that but not nearly often enough. So, I sent quick FB messages to a couple ppl I hadn’t spoken to in a while… And today I texted my BFF a funny inside joke, just to make her smile.

    I try.

  7. Very good point. But also, I try to make a point to actually MEAN it when I ask how someone is doing. Too many people ask that question, but don’t really want to know the answer. I try to be there for friends in good times and bad.

    1. YES, good point. No sense tossing out a ‘hi how are you?’ if you are then going to ignore the response or just not care what they have to say, even if they are having a bad day, not a good one.

  8. I LOVE THIS REMINDER! I know we often think of loved ones and friends that we may not always check-in with every day – at least I do. But I don’t always take the time to let them know. It doesn’t take much to let someone know that you’re thinking – a phone call, handwritten letter, email or even an IM or text message. I know from personal experience that it can make someone’s day!

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