Sometimes, I feel like a hypocrite.

I wrote about feeling blocked last week, and while I still feel like I am flailing at focus in my posts and in my blog (period), I think I am realizing why I feel so blocked.

Because, sometimes, I feel like a hypocrite.

I continue to read through some of my go-to bloggy reads (consisting of a potpourri of singles, post-divorced, those struggling with weight or self esteem issues etc) and try and offer my perspective on some of their struggles they’ve written about. Not meeting the right one, struggling with go-nowhere dates, wanting love, hating their bodies, struggling with diets, or workouts, or health issues.

And as I write, I feel like a hypocrite. Because even though I’ve been there, in many of these situations, to some capacity, right now, I am absolutely happy. I feel like I am in one of the best places of my life right now. Love. Work. Life. Fitness. Motivation. Healthy Eating.

And when I write these comments which I try to approach as heartfelt as I can without sounding preachy or commiserating to the point of it being over the top, I feel like what I am saying still isn’t helpful. It might feel like a slap in the face (exactly what I DON’T want), or a sting of ‘I want that now too’ because I DO have it. I absolutely do. All the struggles I have gone through seem a distant memory as I march towards the three-year mark since my divorce began. And almost a year since I’ve been able to happily step OUT of the dating game.Β  Sure, my body image struggles are still there, but with the barre n9ne challenge, running, and food log, I am conquering it.

So where does that leave me and all that I try to put into this blog and my posts sharing my perspective on post-divorce life? I feel so been-there-done-that in some aspects and I can only write so many happiness posts without also coming across as preachy, *too* puppies and rainbows (even for me!) or just plain boring.

This is my struggle. This is why I am blocked. This is why I feel like I need to re-evaluate the focus of my blog and figure out where I want to take it, if I want to take it anywhere.

Sometimes, I feel like a hypocrite, when that is the last thing I ever want to possibly do.


37 thoughts on “Sometimes, I feel like a hypocrite.

  1. just try to remember that you’re not obligated to this blog. You can change the focus at any point….you can take a break for a while…you can write less frequently…whatever feels right for you. Do your best to not get caught in the trap of what you “should” do….simply follow your heart and your gut and do what feels right. πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you Sunshine. I do remember that, and that’s why I haven’t blogged as consistently either because I never want to blog just to blog. I want to have a reason to. I do get stuck in the ‘what I should do’ trap when that’s silly…this is mine, I should do what I want. But what I want is to also be helpful and sometimes I just feel like I’m not. Maybe I just ought to not comment on blogs as often if I feel like what I say won’t be helpful.

  2. If you don’t feel like you have anything useful to add, then again, you’re not obligated! Only comment if you feel you have something you want to say. Sometimes just offering someone acknowledgment and letting them know you’ve heard them is enough. πŸ™‚

    Stop ‘shoulding’ yourself! πŸ˜‰ (I do it too, though, so I know where you’re coming from….) heh

  3. Hmmmmm. Not sure what to say since I am one of the “unfortunates” lol. But seriously, I agree with Sunshine, only comment if you want to, please, never feel obligated! I think those of us that are friends with you know that we have your love and support no matter what.

    I come across so many happy, girly blogs, I think it is only difficult because you started out blogging in the divorce/broken hearts community, but you can easily branch off and expand your little blog world if you feel inclined and I encourage you to let it all evolve where it may.

    Personally, I think that you have a natural inclination toward the fitness/health blogging and if you went more in that direction, you can still talk about your personal life as well. Really, your personal life can be worked into ANY kind of blog.

    1. I wouldn’t say you are unfortunate! But yes, of course you were in mind – not the only one of course – and I just feel inclined to comment as often as I do because I want to show support but I guess that’s just my own reasoning, not really the only way I can do so. And you are right, I do have an inclination that way – fitness/health – lately, but I am not even sure it’s what I want to do solely, either, ya know? These topics I write about are what I love to write about. So maybe I just need to reduce how often I post and just fall into whatever pattern feels natural. Who knows what that it, but I guess it’ll just come to me eventually.

      1. So many people have blogs that are just about THEM. So, you can have the “Jolene” blog and write about anything and everything you want to.

        You love wine too, maybe there are other things you want to talk about! Fitness, recipes, wine, friends, trips/traveling, your love life, your niece, family in general, other hobbies, fashion…I dont think you have to limit yourself at all!

        I think it’s a good idea to just write when you feel inclined and see what direction it goes to.

        1. Thanks Marisa. You’re right. I guess I wasn’t really looking at it that way either. So many blogs are about themselves, why does mine have to NOT be about that. Maybe it’ll be fun to see what direction it’ll go πŸ™‚

  4. Girl – no way! I love your comments and I think they are very heartfelt and sweet. I liked you and your sister immediately because of how REAL you both are! Don’t feel badly at ALL about being in a good place – you deserve it!! πŸ™‚

    1. Aw, thank you so much! So sweet. I am SO glad that I come across that way to you, and so quickly too. My goal, always, of course. Same goes to you! I love your words for the same reason!

  5. girl we are all hypocrites at times. I say do one thing and then I do another. But blogging that is almost accountability and i think you’ve just succeeded at being accountable to YOURSELF! whoa, now thats cool.

    1. That’s true, I guess we have all done it before, even if it’s almost always accidental. Accountability…a premise I stand behind!

    1. You’re right CBG, it is. I just want to keep the space the same but fear sometimes my writing becomes meh, or without purpose. Never what I want it to become.

  6. You aren’t a hypocrite. At all. Your comments provide your life experience which for many of us provides hope.

    We don’t, can’t and won’t, begrudge you happiness. You deserve it.

  7. Maybe you’re moving past the blog just being about post-divorced life in the early stages? Eventually you can’t think of your life in terms of having been divorced. You move forward, change, meet someone new and continue down a new path. You’re happy and that does not make you a hypocrite at all

    1. That’s true, too, Heather. I no longer consider myself like, freshly divorced. It doesn’t define me. I’ve learned a lot from it and I am still learning, but those learnings are farther and farther in between now than they used to be. I just need to find my re-focus and go from there, I guess. Glad you don’t think I am a hypocrite either!

  8. I think you need to let go of this idea of what you are suppose to look like to everyone. You went through a lot and worked very hard on your journey to get where you are today. Some people just aren’t there on their journey yet. They’ll get there. That does not make you a hypocrite and you should not hide your happiness. Your comments are heartfelt and true. There is nothing wrong with that. Just write for you. Always.

    1. Thank you Shannon! That really meant a lot and I guess I do have this idea of what I am supposed to look like vs. who I am. Happy, moved on, in love. I guess there’s just not much more to say than that, right?

  9. But you’re not writing for us. You’re writing for you. It’s not like you’re paid to do this (wouldn’t that be somethin’?). You can’t apologize for being who you are.

    1. You’re right. I struggle with that far too much – writing for me vs anyone else. Though it would be cool to get paid to do it πŸ˜‰

  10. Sometimes a blog doesn’t have to go anywhere. It can simply be. Just be yourself. That’s who we read and love. Be true to you. Be happy when you’re happy. Be said when you are sad. Vent and rant when you need to. It will be just perfect.


  11. I understand that feeling very well πŸ™‚ But you never sound all that preachy to me! And I love your comments…always heart-felt and honest πŸ™‚ And please, gloat and brag a little about your happiness. I know from personal experience it isn’t easy to find!

    1. Thank you for the reassurance!! it helps me not feel like I need to censor myself too much…ironic given I changed my blog ‘home’ so I could be LESS censored! Time to go back to basics I think.

  12. You are no hypocrite. As someone who has suffered a little heartache of late it wouldn’t make me feel any better thinking you also suffering. Quite the contrary I love that you are enjoying life.

    You are my blog friend and, like my real life friends, I wish you only great happiness!

    1. Can I give you a hug? That was so sweet! I am so glad we found each other’s blogs through this bloggy family that keeps expanding! So great. And I only wish you great happiness too!

  13. You’re not a hypocrite. You just care about so many people. You want to help them. That’s how I see it. I never feel like “what does she know, she’s happy now.”

    That being said, I could see how you might feel that way. But only because I’ve been there too.

    Maybe let go of replying to every single person’s every single blog post for a little while?

    1. Dang, I hope that didn’t come across as rude. See, everyone second guesses whether they are helping or not! πŸ™‚

    2. I know, I do reply to a lot of blogs, but I just feel compelled for some reason, it’s my thing. I dunno. I’m weird πŸ˜‰ But I am glad you see what I mean!

  14. our blogs are our own personal space to write whatever we want. but the beauty of blogging comes when we find someone who is going thru exactly what we are going thru or went thru where we can commiserate and support each other. many times i find this more supportive than my real life. i guess what i’m trying to say is that no, you are not preachy at all, just honest – something that i truly appreciate, respect and admire!

    1. Thank you Naomi. The reassurance is much-appreciated and needed sometimes…and I am glad you like my honesty. I do try to be, even if I succeed sometimes better than others!

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