Exhale.

I feel like I can finally exhale a bit.

My boss is back!!

Finally.

And since she left just about three months ago, I have learned an incredible amount about myself and my ability to get through some really difficult and challenging moments. I feel like I lived up to words M texted to me when I was in panic attack-mode that day: “remember, it’s okay to lose to your opponent, but you shouldn’t lose to fear.”

I’m no longer afraid. Sure, I am intimidated sometimes and there are things I dread about my job at times, just as everyone has things they don’t like about their job (or like LESS about it than other aspects!), but I am not afraid.

Because in the last 12 weeks, I’ve done it. I’ve managed a multitude of launches, personalities, deadlines, and even some egos. I’ve gotten the job done and I daresay, pretty damn well, too. As I was putting together a short transition document to go through with my boss, it turned from a one-pager to a three-pager (and probably a lot of things I still left out!), I was realizing just how much I accomplished while she was out. And no matter the quantity of what I did, for me, it was more my determination to get it done and get it done well. Prove that I am capable, that I know my shit, and that I will prosper no matter how many times I felt knocked down, in the process.

It is refreshing to have her back and to be a two-person team again. I have a sounding board. I have an advisor. I have a reality-checker. And at the core of it, I have a confidante and a friend.

But as we creep ever so closely to that six-month mark (and the letter I can’t wait to re-read!), there are things I know I need to accomplish and habits I know I cannot slide back into.

I need to stand on my own.

Not melt back into ‘support’ role.

I need to carve out my role against hers.

To show differentiation, importance and need (hey, it never hurts to maintain self-preservation, right??).

I need to remain confident (even when I feel weak and unsure) and ask questions when I don’t know the answers (instead of struggling to find them myself).

And I need to exhale. Just a little bit. Because this is when my job – hopefully – gets fun and new again. New challenges, new opportunities and just a wee bit of a mental break, if you will.

But first, I will exhale.

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18 thoughts on “Exhale.

  1. Oh I am so proud of you sis. SO SO SO proud. Even since your boss left and returned you’ve evolved and grown so very much. It’s amazing that we’re both almost at the six month mark at our new gigs. Thinking back to that first month or two it was SO SCARY and FOREIGN and I hated that feeling. Now, I’m finally feeling like part of the team – for better or worse, haha – and it feels good.

    1. Thanks sis 🙂 I am proud of the progress in both of us too!! We are facing our fears and it’s showing in our growth in so many ways 🙂

    1. Thanks Heather! It is an all-around feeling, I think…but the work stuff culminating with the body image stuff is just a great thing. I am feeling pretty darn good 🙂

  2. yay for breathing room! and now you know you can rock the universe without your boss being there. that’ll make your partnership with her that much stronger. 🙂

    1. Aw thanks Akirah! It’s sort of flown by in a blur at this point, ya know? but I am eternally grateful that the worst – hopefully – is over!

    1. Thanks Tina! It DOES feel good to have some support back but also know that I can handle it too. That quote is a goodie, isn’t it?

    1. Thank you so much!! Fearless, wow, never thought I’d see that label next to my name 😉 And yeah, M is quite wise indeed. A keeper 🙂

  3. I really feel that the way this all happened was perfect for you. If it hadn’t gone down like this, you would probably be much farther back than you are now. What you have done is definitely awesome. Congrats on making it through the maternity leave!

    1. Aw, thank you so much! I like how you think…it was meant to be this way from the start. I feel so much more comfortable than I ever did before!

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