Indescribable.

Indescribable.

How I felt Saturday night…at the first wedding I’ve gone to with M since we met.

I felt beautiful, for the very first time in a long time.

I felt confident, for the very first time in a long time.

I felt progress, tangible progress, in my 60 day challenge journey, for the very first time…in pictures (I have felt progress since day one, of course, but this is the first time I really could see it and that felt, well, indescribable (as did all of your comments on the picture I posted to Facebook, almost hesitantly, because I typically don’t post pictures of um, just me).

And I felt love. So much love for M. The way he looked at me, the way he told me how beautiful I looked and how he is the luckiest guy in the world…for once, I believed him.

The night felt magical (despite the wedding itself, which, not gonna lie, was so, um, not my style…not that weddings usually are, but more on that later hehe) because I was with the man I love, slow dancing for the first time since my divorce (yeah, it’s been that long) and smiling from ear to ear.

To know that dedication, hard work, focus and manymanymany Barre n9ne workouts and runs are actually paying off is an indescribable feeling.

To know that I have built such a strong relationship with M that continues to progress and move forward, is indescribable.

To know that I am capable of accepting myself and not hating my body is indescribable.

~~

I am not gonna lie…I feel indulgent writing about this, because I don’t want to come across now as uber-confident or cocky, and I sincerely hope that I do not. I am writing about this because it just feels incredible to see the changes all around and within me simply by setting my focus and really going for it, not going halfway and stopping. It’s something I simply have not done before. I’ve committed, but not fully, and then gotten frustrated. But, no more. This is me, committing. To me, my body, my mind and my life. Why go through life half-assing it? When you put in that extra commitment, it truly does make all the difference between progress and stagnation.

 

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36 thoughts on “Indescribable.

    1. So true!!! 🙂 Ha, I may blog about the wedding and my newfound wedding snobbery…ironic since I am sooo not a wedding person 😉

  1. What a beautiful, inspiring post. You don’t sound cocky, you sound happy. I love reading posts like this one. Magical, lovely, real. 🙂

  2. I saw the pics, you both looked “wicked” good (just keeping it Massachusetts real, lol). I’m glad you felt so good about yourself, that’s such a positive step forward.

  3. This post gives me goose bumps, it really shows that we really can be happy and so self accepting of ourselves. So happy that things have gone full circle for you and life really is on the up and you’re feeling good about yourself and you and M are good. You deserve it all.

    1. Thank you for the reassurance, I am glad it didn’t come across that way. Almost didn’t post it (sort of like the pic I almost didn’t post to FB for the same reason).

  4. Hooray! Amazing lady! Be indulgent – reward yourself!

    The thing of it all is this: We should love ourselves and our lives. Finding the life and the person you love takes tangible work (for most of us) in many different areas. It’s easy to say something like “oh I’m skinny now so I am happy!” when I think it’s so much more than that, so much deeper.

    😀

    1. Thank you Nikki! You’re exactly right, it’s SO much more than feeling better physically, beyond that. It takes a lot of work on the inside too, not to mention the physical work it takes too. (Same goes for love).

  5. LOVE this. Makes me smile SO BIG to see you feeling confident and beautiful again. I’ve missed that glint in your eye – and it’s back and I’m soooo happy to see it. Now let’s work on NOT letting it go again, mmk?

  6. Confidence is a good thing…never apologize for feeling that way!

    It is so awesome…how far you two have come and how it seems like you’re smiling from the inside out. I love it.

  7. You have a right to be confident. Don’t deny yourself that for fear that your readers will judge you as cocky. Anyone who does judge you clearly doesn’t know you.

  8. Wow. There is so much going on here. I love seeing you happy and confident. I love that you felt all magical and wonderful together. I’m so happy for you!

    PS. Saw that you found an apartment. Congrats. And you’re not a bad girlfriend. I could learn a lot from you. More honesty. Definitely.

    Big hugs!

  9. Aw! You deserve to feel all of that. I can’t wait to slow dance with the guy I love. It’s been a loooooong time since I’ve done that. Probably 7 or 8 years.

  10. LOVE THIS. I am so happy you are getting rid of this negative self image. I’m so proud of you and I can’t wait to see what the next 30 days brings!

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