If someone asked you what the one quality you most admire in yourself, what would you say?
For me? It’s determination.
(hence the title of my blog)
Determination is a quality that I think was a quiet attribute tucked away in the inner corner of my brain before I got divorced. I can honestly look back at my life and the ‘me’ I was then and say that I can’t really pinpoint too many times where I was really and truly challenged, or tested, or hurt. I was pretty lucky to have met my would-be husband at such a young age, not struggling like so many of my friends here and IRL to find love, to feel it, and know someone in this world loves you (as we all deserve to feel). Sure, we divorced, but I can honestly also say that we did have a loving relationship, the majority of our marriage, and I consider myself lucky to even say that. Looking at this statement – that I feel as though in my ‘past life’ I wasn’t really challenged or tested – is a huge a-ha moment for me…I just never looked at it that way or even realized it.
Fast forward to the pain of divorce. The picking yourself up, healing, moving on and up and forward process. It screams determination.
All that went with that process…the financial rock-bottom. The short sale on my house. The starting over. The new beginnings. The living on my own. The dating rollercoaster. The fits and starts with trying to find love. And…finding love.
It all screams determination.
I firmly believe I am at the point in my life where determination is second-nature to me. I seek it out. I am determined to continue growing, continue exploring and continue challenging myself. I never want to fall into complacency, or take what I have – my life – for granted.
I was determined to find a new job. It took me more than a year. But I found it, and it’s become one of the single most challenging transitions for me in my career. But I am loving every minute of every ‘out of comfort zone’ moment, because it is helping me grow. It’s cultivating greatness that I know is in there somewhere.
I am determined to get my running mojo back so I can run another half marathon. I am clawing my way back. This morning, I had one of my best runs, and the longest, in probably 8 months, with my sister. We ran 5 miles. I didn’t stop, I pushed through hills. She was there every step, coaching me along the way. It was exactly what I needed. I will get there. Because I am determined. I am staring down this challenge.
I am determined to undo this nasty body image I have. With each passing day, and each passing Barre N9Ne class, I feel better and better. The minute I want to criticize, I slap it down. I am focused on changing that mindset, because it’s unhealthy. Embrace the positive, push out the negative.
I am also determined to really hunker down and start saving more money. I’ve started, I’m back on my feet, more than two years later, but I am finally feeling stable. But now is the time to save. I want to buy a house. I am determined to get there. Maybe even in the next year or so.
I could go on and on, but I’ll stop here and pose the same question to you…If someone asked you what the one quality you most admire in yourself, what would you say?