My Nonna passed away two years ago today and I know I mentioned it in my throwbacks post about a month ago but I can’t let today pass without saying a few words. More than anything, I wish she could see me now.
Her last remembrance was at the most painful point in my journey, just two months into my separation and ensuing divorce, on Christmas Eve. I was a shell of a person. I was weak. I was sad. I was crumpled. I clung to her words that evening, telling me I would be okay, telling me how much she loved me, and as the tears streamed down my cheeks, it was almost unfathomable for me to believe that I would be. But I am. Her words were right.
I’ve come so far, I’m proud of my journey and more than anything, I wish she could see me now. In my own place. On my own two feet. Confident, stable, happy, more outgoing than I ever was before. I wish…
And almost more than that? I wish she could have met M. I know she would have absolutely adored him. She would tell him to take care of me and to treat me well and to love me. She would probably pinch his cheek or pull him close to talk to him quietly. And she would accept. And love. And be happy. She would look at me, her smile would rise from her lips and she’d nod and say ‘good. you did good. I like that boy.” I wish…
But I know deep down, she’s there, she’s with me, she knows. I just want to talk to her and tell her that I love her and that I miss her. But then…I see my beautiful niece Isabel and I see Nonna dancing across her face, in her smile, in her eyes. She’s there. She’s beaming with pride. For my sisters and me. She’s happy.
If you could see me now Nonna…I’m happy, in love, and content. Thank you for the 29 years of love you gave us growing up, you are in my heart forever.
“era escrito cosi il libro del destino”
“look in the sky. whatever is written in the book of destiny, you can’t change.”