Worry.

Do you ever worry that a loved one is facedown in a ditch because you haven’t heard from them (and this is out of the norm?)?

No? Just me?

Yesterday, I hadn’t heard from M after work, as he usually calls me with his customary super funny voicemail (if I am at the gym or on the phone), and I didn’t think much of it, until about three hours later (8:30 or so) and I still hadn’t heard from him (text or call) but I knew he was going out for drinks with co-workers. So I tried to push it out of my mind. But my mind started to wander. The worry. What if something happened? What if he fell and hit his head? What if he’s facedown in a ditch somewhere in the pouring rain? What if he got into an accident?

Why is my mind racing with worry?!

I relayed my mind-racing-with-worry thoughts to M once he did call, apologizing for causing me to worry (not that he needed to apologize) but he’d gotten sucked into some rounds at the hospital and didn’t get a chance to call. He asked me why I worry about such things. And I didn’t really have an answer…except deep down, my deepest worry is losing loved ones.

Like M.

Like my sisters.

Like my family.

I guess I have the loss of loved ones on my mind as the two-year marker since my Nonna passed away is tomorrow. And she’s on my mind more than ever. And I miss her. And it makes me then go on to worry about my grandparents (on my mom’s side) who are in wonderful health but are in their mid-80s. We’re coming into the summer months where I look forward to spending many a weekend ‘upta camp’ in Maine with them, enjoying our time together, searing it into memory…just in case.

I feel that ‘other shoe to drop’ feeling start to creep in again. The worry of losing loved ones, or something else tragic to disrupt the happy life I have cultivated over the past couple of years, and most recently, the last 9 months or so. New job, new love, new outlook. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose M. I don’t want to lose happiness, or perspective, for that matter.

Maybe the worry was a gentle smack upside the head to cherish the happy and not to take it for granted? Do you ever have unfounded worry dreams or thoughts or fears?

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32 thoughts on “Worry.

  1. When J would disappear for days at a time, I would check the obituaries. Yeah, you’re not the only one who worries 😉

    1. Oh wow, see I don’t know that I’d go that far, probably would scare me at the thought too much! So you clearly get this too 😉

  2. do i worry irrationally? ha. haha. hahahaha. oh, lord, yes. see also everything i’ve ever written, up to and including today’s note. i do this all the time. the other night, the man had a sore pectoral muscle (he’d been lifting boxes). the first thought i had? um, is the pain shooting? how else do you feel? are you having a heart attack?

    yeah, so i totally identify with this. i don’t have an answer, either. i just worry. it’s what i do.

    1. ALL the freaking time…irrational worry. Yes, totally get it. There isn’t an answer, really, just to try *not* to do it too much right??

  3. It’s hard not to worry about losing loved ones…especially when it’s already happened. I worry like that, too…though I try to tell myself that if something was REALLY wrong, someone would call me. Unless he WAS in a ditch and nobody knew it…ugh. The cycle is endless. I try not to worry. I’ll leave it at that. 🙂

  4. I find myself going into bouts of worry like you describe sometimes too – and it sure does seem to happen in fits and starts. I always worry about Scott if he doesn’t call me when he gets to wherever he’s going on a particular day. It’s a habit of ours – we call or text when we arrive safely. So if he forgets one day, I sort of freak out for a minute, mind going to the worst thoughts possible. And then I have to sit back and breathe and trust that God is watching over our loved ones. It’s hard to have that level of faith all the time though…hence the worry creep now and then.

    1. It’s hard not to worry because we love those close to us too much…so we automatically think the very worst. Must trust more, worry less.

  5. I worry all the freaking time. Every time Jason goes out on a bike ride and I hear a siren, I worry. When my family calls at odd times, I worry. When I don’t hear from the, I worry. Bad thing? Good thing? Maybe a bit of both.

  6. I hear you– I worry about losing people all the time… I think it stems from having lost so many family members when I was younger. But hey, at least we care, right?

    1. Worrying is tough…because what’s the point of it, right? But I guess it just does stand rooted in love and that we do care, so a little worry is ok, a lot, is not.

  7. Oh my goodness yes! My fear is losing loved ones too. That’s another reason why I try to control behavior that seems less than healthy.

    I’m glad all is well. Many good prayers and wishes for those you cherish!!

  8. Yes, I do that all the time. It’s particularly difficult for me since CBG and I are so far apart all the time. When I’m having a “bad day” I can conjure up all sorts of scenarios. Particularly worrying for me are all his back and forth trips between our two cities…so much opportunity for worry. 😉

    I think in some ways its that “waiting for the other shoe to drop” syndrome, where we struggle with believing that we deserve happiness (and will have it!!).

    **hugs**

    1. I’m sure it is SO much harder in an LDR not to worry your head off. It IS the waiting for the other shoe to drop syndrome…gotta nix that, it creeps in now and again. XO.

  9. I just had to comment because I can totally relate. I worry basically all of the time that my husband isn’t with me. Sometimes I can go a little while without thinking about it, then I catch myself and the freak out cycle starts all over again. When he does a “boys weekend” or I do a “girls weekend” and we are away from each other for more than a day – it’s so bad. I’m just a mess.

    You are not alone!

    1. Thanks for visiting and your comment! It is hard to control the worry, and I think a small amount of it is normal, but when it gets to be all-consuming, that’s when it starts to become a problem. Good luck controlling it too!

  10. Um yes, all the freaking time. It makes me feel crazy sometimes. I think it’s because I haven’t really lost many people in my life. It just feels like it has to happen sometime, you know. I worry if someone is 15 minutes late without telling me they will be.

    1. Yea, it’s almost worse when you haven’t lost many close to you, I totally agree. Because that fear of loss is almost scarier than having experienced it before.

  11. Yes. I do worry like that. Last night as I laid in bed on my romantic night away with HS Marine, I suddenly realized I hadn’t heard from my parents. I immediately has them floating in the middle of the lake sunburnt on a dead boat with the dog home alone without his dinner or meds.

    I’ve picked up this worrying from my father. We’ve lost a lot of loved ones. I’m sure that has something to do with it.

    But trust me, you and I have NOTHING on my dad. We’re talking about the man who has actually gotten in the car to go out looking for us if we haven’t responded.

  12. Another mantra to staple to my forehead. You and I have certainly talked about this one before. I call it the Happiness Stakes. The greater the happiness, the higher the stakes… It’s a hard syndrome to shake. That’s why I do meditative yoga (with limited success!)

    1. The Happiness Stakes. Wow, that states it perfectly. So true. I am glad the yoga is working a bit for you! I am trying to focus on not over-worrying too.

  13. Love more. Worry less = a great mantra!

    My heart goes out to you as you deal with the second anniversary of your Nonna’s death. You never really get over the loss of someone you loved, but no one tells you that.

    We all have had our share of downs, and it’s inevitable that more bad things will unfortunately happen. But, if you keep waiting for a down, you might miss out on an up. Just my two cents, as we all are entitled to our own fears. xoxo

    1. I love what you say here…if you wait for a down, you’ll miss an up. So true. Some worry is normal, but too much, is not. XO.

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