Do you ever worry that a loved one is facedown in a ditch because you haven’t heard from them (and this is out of the norm?)?
No? Just me?
Yesterday, I hadn’t heard from M after work, as he usually calls me with his customary super funny voicemail (if I am at the gym or on the phone), and I didn’t think much of it, until about three hours later (8:30 or so) and I still hadn’t heard from him (text or call) but I knew he was going out for drinks with co-workers. So I tried to push it out of my mind. But my mind started to wander. The worry. What if something happened? What if he fell and hit his head? What if he’s facedown in a ditch somewhere in the pouring rain? What if he got into an accident?
Why is my mind racing with worry?!
I relayed my mind-racing-with-worry thoughts to M once he did call, apologizing for causing me to worry (not that he needed to apologize) but he’d gotten sucked into some rounds at the hospital and didn’t get a chance to call. He asked me why I worry about such things. And I didn’t really have an answer…except deep down, my deepest worry is losing loved ones.
Like my sisters.
Like my family.
I guess I have the loss of loved ones on my mind as the two-year marker since my Nonna passed away is tomorrow. And she’s on my mind more than ever. And I miss her. And it makes me then go on to worry about my grandparents (on my mom’s side) who are in wonderful health but are in their mid-80s. We’re coming into the summer months where I look forward to spending many a weekend ‘upta camp’ in Maine with them, enjoying our time together, searing it into memory…just in case.
I feel that ‘other shoe to drop’ feeling start to creep in again. The worry of losing loved ones, or something else tragic to disrupt the happy life I have cultivated over the past couple of years, and most recently, the last 9 months or so. New job, new love, new outlook. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose M. I don’t want to lose happiness, or perspective, for that matter.
Maybe the worry was a gentle smack upside the head to cherish the happy and not to take it for granted? Do you ever have unfounded worry dreams or thoughts or fears?