Given I haven’t been traveling the past few weeks, M and I have been trying to see each other more during the week than usual (has been 1-2 times a week prior) and I must say, I am loving it. It makes me more and more want to live with him…I am already getting sick of packing an overnight bag and vice versa, and we just really jive so well when we do get to spend an extended amount of time together on weekends and such, so I know it will be a natural transition…when it happens. (but that’s a topic for another post, but there, I said it!).
Last night, M came by after work. He was running late and I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was irritable from the day. He doesn’t usually let work affect him too much, but he *is* human after all, and sometimes it is unavoidable. When he arrived, he greeted me with a smile, a kiss and happiness in his eyes, but I could tell he wasn’t quite himself. We talked a bit over dinner about his day (and mine, and he of course was just as congratulatory as all of you were, thank you!) but he kept glancing at the Bruins game on TV and being distracted.
This is highly unusual for him because he (and me, too) both make a concerted effort to be ‘present’ during meals and anytime we’re together, really, and not be sidetracked by stuff on TV or our phones or whatever. So, the more he did that (until I made it clear it was annoying me, and he stopped), the more I felt disconnected. I knew he wanted to ‘be’ with me and be present, but it was as though he couldn’t shake off the day and it was affecting him through and through. I found myself letting that then affect me, and I ended up reading some more blogs, texting with my sister and it felt like we were falling into complacency.
Maybe it’s on my mind because of my post the other day, or this beautiful post from City Girls’ World today, but I went to bed last night wanting a do-over of the night. Because last night was so NOT who we usually are together, and I guess it goes along with the ebbs and flows in any relationship. Everyone has bad days. Where they aren’t themselves and can’t quite shake it off. If/when we do live together, those moods will be there out in the open in all their ugly glory, instead of hidden away separately (if he were at home, for example, instead of with me last night), so of course we both need to learn to figure out how to cope with that.
Know when the other needs space.
Or when they simply need a hug and a kiss.
Or to watch the Bruins game and unplug.
So, when I woke up this morning, I gave him an extra squeeze, snuggle and kiss, and told him I wanted a do-over for last night. He smiled and suggested we stay home all day *ahem* just where we were in bed. We went for a run together, instead, and though it was unspoken much of the way, as I focused on my breathing (with my new inhaler), he was right next to me, every step of the way, giving me support, telling me I was doing great, and when we finished, I couldn’t have felt much greater.
The fear of complacency was the swift kick in the ass reminder I needed never, ever, ever, to take him or what we have for granted. Sometimes it’s the unspoken gestures, the knowing thoughts, the few and simple words that make you realize…we’re right where we’re meant to be. Perhaps at another evolution of our relationship, as we move forward, together, but united.