The breaking glass.

In the last couple of weeks, I’ve seen several big bloggy breakups (Nicki, QT, Marathon’s Mistress and others I’ve seen peripherally) and it’s really kind of shaken me. I wasn’t going to blog about it (T and Sunshine both did a good job of that already) and my thoughts on it, but then I saw QT’s news and her breakup.

It feels like breaking glass all around me and to be honest, it has really shaken me.

I walked over to M last night and reiterated the gist of the breakups, hugged him and whispered ‘don’t break up with me, okay?”

Half-jokingly since, well, things are pretty amazing right now.

Half-seriously, because, well, things are pretty amazing right now.

And what tends to creep in when things are smooth sailing?

Taking that for granted.

It was a huge reminder for me not to do that. Because I know we have something so special and I never want to let that go, especially on the basis of taking us and him for granted.

Some things that resonated for me in QT’s post?

Unconditional love is patient and kind.

It is not self-seeking. It does not keep a record of wrongs. When love is not patient or enduring; when love is unforgiving and always disappointed or looking for something to go wrong, it generates fear and looks for imperfections in the other person. Fear-based love is conditional – creating an atmosphere of distrust, dishonesty and instability.

Fear-based love is conditional.

Absolutely.

I just wrote about how I am now allowing love to drive me, instead of allowing fear to drive me. It’s worth the risk, to me, to love fiercely than to hold back, take for granted or make too many compromises.

We’re worth it to be with someone that meets you with unconditional love, happy mediums and appreciation for all that we are.

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27 thoughts on “The breaking glass.

    1. It is a good reminder, no matter what. I think at first he thought I was joking around, but I was serious…I want him to know how much I love him!

  1. “To be driven by love and not fear.” I strive for this but fall so short all the time. I have to constantly be aware of whats in my heart and what my motivations are. Easier said than done.

  2. So true. It seems like when things feel the best something can come quickly wipe it all away because we take it for granted. It’s certainly all too easy to do. In fact, you made me think to do something small but special for Peter today to show my appreciation for him.

  3. I fear this all the time – that I’ll take Scott for granted. He is an amazing husband and I really do worry that sometimes I DO take his love for granted…and cannot imagine what that would feel like to have it ripped away from me. It scares me to death to even think about it. Even after almost 7 yrs of marriage, I still sometimes wake up at night with that fear in the back of my mind. I think the more we love someone, the fiercer that love becomes, the more we cherish it (or should), and the more we find we’re doing little things to remind that person just how much we care. At least I find that that’s happening with me…

    1. It is scary to think…hell, even I worry about you two! Not in the sense that you are shaky, but you are my family and if it all changed, well, it would be just as hard on me as on you (similar to when Pete and I divorced). XO, though, you guys are amazing and a rock of strength.

  4. Beautiful reminder! Healthy love is unconditional. I didn’t always know that. 🙂

    I’m so glad to be with a man who shares unconditional love with me. And I’m so happy for you!

  5. good. grief. did that “fear-based love” line ever resonate with me! it’s taken everything i have to throw caution to the wind and love the man as big as he loves me, and this is someone i’ve known since i was 14 years old. i couldn’t imagine how scary it’d be if we didn’t have that history together. it is such a gamble to be that open, but the payoff is magical.

    sorry there’s so much pain out there in blog-land. that’s rough. but all we can do is cleave to those near and dear, eh?

    1. Fear-based love…it has to feel paralyzing. I know the little bout of it that I had did feel that way. I hope you can fully release that fear because you got something special with your man!

  6. It’s so true – it’s so easy to take others and great situations for granted. Because they feel so perfect, so right, so deserving. You just have to remember to always appreciate what you have. You don’t have to smother it, but just appreciate it on the forefront.

  7. Wow, this hit home with me hard. I was living a fear based life, not just in love.

    Great point to not take for granted those we love.

    The only serious love relationship I have ever had was based totally on fear and insecurities and worst of all, on conditions. I have never really experienced unconditional love, but I hope to soon!

    1. I hope you do too, Marisa! I think you have learned so much from the past that the next time you experience love, you’ll be doing a lot of the right things!

  8. So weird to see my relationship being talked about so many places.

    And I have to believe that whatever happens is meant to be. We can work and try and hope and pray, in the end there is only so much within our control.

    I’m doing my best for me right now. And somehow, it will all turn out okay.

    We all need unconditional love.

  9. I don’t follow any of those blogs which makes it all the more odd that I asked HS Marine the same thing tonight. The past is sometimes too difficult to forget. I had to explain a lot of negative thoughts I’ve always tried to keep to myself. His reaction only made me wish even more that he won’t break up with me. I’ve got a keeper here.

  10. I need to read QT’s paragraph hourly.

    Once again, SO on the same page. Lots of breakups lately (is it a summer kick-off thing??) and lots of them were relationships at around the same timeline. I felt the same grip of fear you described and simultaneous felt grateful and terrified.

    This past weekend, I visited with my cousin who married her high school sweet heart. They’ve been together for 15 years and have a beautiful baby boy. I was telling her about my fear of trusting and enjoying my (comparatively new) relationship. And you know what she said? She said, “but you HAVE to let that go because it’s never going to go away on its own. It will only get harder. The stakes only get higher.” She said she feels that way about her wonderful marriage and healthy son but she reminds herself that life is happening right now. We can’t worry about what’s around the corner. It’s naive to think we can control it.

    Easier said than done. But the reminders DO sink in, if slowly 🙂

    1. WOW, that is a great piece of advice, thank you so much for sharing!!! I need to read that paragraph from QT hourly as well! It does take awhile to sink in though and I need lots and lots of reminders!!

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