(wow, that’s a total that’s-what-she-said title, isn’t it? moving on…)
This week has been one of the most trying, leading into a few more weeks that will be absolutely challenging and perhaps even downright intimidating for me. I know that at the end of it, I will be stronger, but I gotta admit, it might just suck going through it.
So, beyond knowing the next few weeks might suck work-wise, in terms of stress, complete out of comfort zone-ness and workload, here’s some things I realize I suck at (and no, not in a negative way…keep reading and you’ll know what I mean. Stop shaking your heads. Wow, am I really talking to myself right now? Moving on…)
I suck at…
Being compared to others.
Too often this week, I’ve heard “well K [my boss] would do it this way” or “I wish K was here, this would be easier.” or “Do you know what to do? I am not sure if this is in your realm, or if this was something K would have done.”
Okay, seriously, while I may not be director-level like K, I am manager-level and have 8+ years of experience, I
think know I can handle this job. It’s just frustrating for people to be saying this stuff to me. Sure, most of what is said has been out of fairness to me, in trying to help me (and the above quotes sound way worse out of context, they really weren’t meant to sound mean), but of course, I secretly took offense to it and it was hard to shake off or brush past and keep my plastered-on confidence face. But I’m learning. I still suck at it though.
Faking it. (again TWSS, but seriously not intended. Heh.)
I’m still really not good at faking it till I make it. I’m trying to keep my game face on, but sometimes, I feel like it comes through loud and clear that I am unsure. I am allowing these comparisons and misperceptions creep into my psyche and making me doubt myself. I know I need to work on this, like, yesterday, but it’s easier said than done. I am working on it.
Being out of my comfort zone.
No, duh. But I realize more than ever that I will likely be uncomfortable for up to a year in this position. Being at my old job for nearly a decade does crazy things to you. You settle in. It’s status quo. You go through the motions. There is no more thinking involved. You know how to do everything (give or take). I tossed that out the window the day I started this job, in so many ways. I’m still not adjusted to that and that feels amazingly frustrating but now that I’ve set my mind to give myself a year to truly feel comfortable, it eases the frustration and sucktasticness.
I have been asking a lot of questions. Asking for feedback etc. But I absolutely hate it. Because I automatically fear the worst. And I hate this habit. Probably more than the others here. I know my shit, I am a good writer, I have a good sense of things. But why do I doubt myself? Sucktastic.
And a few funny ones for good measure?
I suck at…
As in, when I run. I am hell-bent on fixing this breathing issue I’ve had with running (and only running, no other forms of cardio). Wish me luck and Godspeed on that one, will ya?
No, duh. I steamroll M every time even when I try so hard not to. Meh.
Touching my toes.
Again, no duh. My flexibility is sorely lacking. It has improved with Core Fusion, but it still is nowhere near um, normal people.
With the comfort zone thing, learning, accepting that things like this take time. I’ve never been patient. But I will admit that I’ve had a lot of personal testing over the last few years where it has improved a bit in the grand scheme of things…like waiting for the right one (hello, M) to come along. And damn, that was worth the wait in every sense of the word.
I know, you’re probably thinking “wha?” considering I lay it all out here. But I honestly veer towards passive aggressive far more than I’d like to. I’m not as direct as I want or need to be, but I am learning. M is teaching me this, too, as he is a say-what-you-mean kind of man (one of my must-have’s, I might add, in my dating ‘list’! Score!).
Admitting when I’m wrong.
*This “things I suck at” moment brought to you by my sister Jess* <–that’s for you sis, but I am never wrong, so let’s move on, shall we?
This one also brought to you by my sister Jess, who seems to think I suck at folding laundry cuz it’s always inside-out. Hey, who said it had to be perfect? This one doesn’t count, for the record.
Horrible at this. Anytime M says I’m beautiful, my first instinct is to say ‘nah’ – such a bad habit.
Clearly, I could go on and on…but I won’t 😉 What do you suck at? (all in the spirit of being constructive, of course!).
I hope you all have a great weekend. As for me, I will be thoroughly enjoying the fact that I do NOT have to travel on Monday for the first time since January (in the every-other-week rotation), and snuggling with my niece Isabel tomorrow (oh, and with M too…heh.)