Today, I had a bevy of frustrations at work (well, this week, not just today), which I tend to more when I am in the office than when I am in my home office (probably because I see more firsthand and have a lot more 1:1 conversations).
And I know this will sound like a broken record and I realize that I totally have a ‘cycle’ with my blog posts when I am out here that go something like this – first day, blissful, happy to be somewhere warm, full of promises for a good, successful week – second day – frustrations, fears, worries about my job and whether I am doing a good job – third day (tomorrow!) – homesickness, tiredness, hopeful for the weekend (note: I am trying my best to stave off homesickness especially since I leave first thing in the morning on Thurs and am home by 6!)
(wow that was a long run-on sentence, wasn’t it? <-me talking to myself. See? Tiredness creeping in!)
My work frustrations spill into my brain in a cycle of wishes and wants….here’s a sampling…
I knew the answer. Every time. (it will come in time)
I wasn’t afraid of the unknown. (take the bull by the horns!)
That I didn’t hear ‘well, this is how we/[my boss]/so-and-so does it…” (why do we have to always do the same thing?! In some cases, yes, of course, but in others? Come on now.)
That I knew the office politics and who to trust (man, that’s something you just take for granted being in a company for 8+ years!).
That my boss was still here (stop wishing for a crutch…)
See? Ongoing inner battles with myself and my ability to just go with the flow. Transitioning into the job and role have been far harder than I anticipated. I am floored by how much I still don’t know, even though I’ve been in this field for so many years. To think I wondered if my move would be somewhat lateral. Hello…no way, completely different (even if in some ways, quite familiar).
And I know…you are all confident in me. you are all supportive. you are all so damn right all the time, whenever I post about this. So I feel like a silly broken record that clearly can’t take your advice, support and encouragement or just can’t find it in me to feel as confident as I want to.
I know I will get there.
I just wish I already was.