I’m feeling a massive dose of role reversal right now, and I gotta say, it makes me appreciate how patient and supportive M is even more than I already am. You see, his thesis presentation is on April 10. A mere 10 days after our trip from Jamaica ends. Which means it’s crunchtime for him and he needs to focus completely on it to get it done before our trip (so he doesn’t obsess over it and how much he has left to do, while we’re on vacation).
Which means I (likely) won’t see him all week.
Very similarly to when I’m away all week in California at work, I probably won’t see him until Friday night. Which is completely okay, I understand and want to give him as much time as he needs (the PMS-y part of me, however, is whining and foot-stomping since I wasn’t expecting not to see him at all all week, just figured I’d maybe see him once, tops).
The fact that he actually told me he needs the time is a huge step (he even said “I never thought I’d choose NOT to see you. I’m sorry, I love you and I miss you but thank you for understanding.”).
He usually tries to do it all. He usually tries to put me first. And while I recognize that, appreciate that more than anything, I, on the flip side, tend to try to help him self-preserve a bit. Like now. He was trying to still make time tomorrow to have dinner etc., but I purposely decided to take an evening class at my gym so there would be less opportunity to get together and hopefully deter him to stick to the homework. I knew he was swaying. I knew he was going to cave and as much as I may want him to secretly cave, I know his mind will be a million miles away and quite frankly, Jamaica is a mere four days away. I’d rather he be present when we are on vacation than trying to eke out some time this week.
Doesn’t make me any less bummed about not seeing him this week. But it does give me a heavy dose of role reversal. Kinda sucks to be on this side, not gonna lie. The one not able to see the other because they are a million miles away (perhaps figuratively speaking in this case!)…but it also makes me appreciate him and our relationship all that much more. It’s a good test for me. And it’s a good test for him. And, at the end of a day, it’s just a week. I mean really.
PS re-reading some of my old posts this evening for a throwback post tomorrow and am completely bawling. Man. Get ready for it tomorrow…