Role reversal.

I’m feeling a massive dose of role reversal right now, and I gotta say, it makes me appreciate how patient and supportive M is even more than I already am. You see, his thesis presentation is on April 10. A mere 10 days after our trip from Jamaica ends. Which means it’s crunchtime for him and he needs to focus completely on it to get it done before our trip (so he doesn’t obsess over it and how much he has left to do, while we’re on vacation).

Which means I (likely) won’t see him all week.

Very similarly to when I’m away all week in California at work, I probably won’t see him until Friday night. Which is completely okay, I understand and want to give him as much time as he needs (the PMS-y part of me, however, is whining and foot-stomping since I wasn’t expecting not to see him at all all week, just figured I’d maybe see him once, tops).

The fact that he actually told me he needs the time is a huge step (he even said “I never thought I’d choose NOT to see you. I’m sorry, I love you and I miss you but thank you for understanding.”).

He usually tries to do it all. He usually tries to put me first. And while I recognize that, appreciate that more than anything, I, on the flip side, tend to try to help him self-preserve a bit. Like now. He was trying to still make time tomorrow to have dinner etc., but I purposely decided to take an evening class at my gym so there would be less opportunity to get together and hopefully deter him to stick to the homework. I knew he was swaying. I knew he was going to cave and as much as I may want him to secretly cave, I know his mind will be a million miles away and quite frankly, Jamaica is a mere four days away. I’d rather he be present when we are on vacation than trying to eke out some time this week.

Doesn’t make me any less bummed about not seeing him this week. But it does give me a heavy dose of role reversal. Kinda sucks to be on this side, not gonna lie. The one not able to see the other because they are a million miles away (perhaps figuratively speaking in this case!)…but it also makes me appreciate him and our relationship all that much more. It’s a good test for me. And it’s a good test for him. And, at the end of a day, it’s just a week. I mean really.



PS re-reading some of my old posts this evening for a throwback post tomorrow and am completely bawling. Man. Get ready for it tomorrow…


35 thoughts on “Role reversal.

    1. Yea, kind of like that πŸ˜‰ But yes, Jamaica is oh-so-close, how can I *really* complain! I’m proud of him for all he does and hopefully he just gets it all done this week πŸ˜‰

    1. thanks for your bluntness my dear…you always know what to say πŸ˜‰ hey, I think I’m allowed to have a whiny post now and again, right? I know it’s silly, but sometimes PMS gets the best of me, and I just need to get it out…

  1. M reminds me of Kyle. πŸ™‚

    It absolutely makes you appreciate the relationship more. When K leaves for a business trip for a couple of days, I realize how much I truly adore him! Caring about someone so much you actually miss them is a beautiful thing.

  2. oh, i so know that feeling. when i took off for my christmas road trip, i didn’t want to be apart from the man, but it was so much easier being the one who left first. when i came back, he was right there and everything was great. but when the shoe was on the other foot and i put him on that plane to africa, i was a WRECK. it was so, so, so much worse.

    michael stipe of R.E.M., the poet of my soul, once sang, “it’s easier to leave than to be left behind.” it’s so, so true.

    1. It IS so much worse being the one left behind, so true. I am just being a wuss about it, I realize, but sometimes you just gotta feel what ya feel and get it out.

  3. That’s a bummer M has his thesis presentation so soon after Jamaica but at least he’s got four days now to give it a good blast of learning and studying. Bummer too you can’t see him too much at the moment but just think in Jamaica, you’ll be enjoying the sunshine, beach and cocktails together. Absolute heaven.

    1. Well, he is good with deadlines and now is the time to have the fire lit under him, ya know? I just want him to enjoy Jamaica so if that means taking this week to hammer out his project, so be it!

  4. Growing pains. You’ve got this. Look at the big picture and remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I keep doing that every time I feel like S and I are spending too much time apart. Soon, I won’t be able to get a moment away from him. Soon…

    Big hugs.

    And seriously…visit…

    I’ll be phasing out Suddenly Single Journey in a month or so…

    1. Yep, big picture is all glorious! My only point with this post – beyond whining and being PMSy is that I am glad that he IS saying no – that’s a huge step for him. I’m proud of him for that. Thank you for the blog link, I will add it, finally, to my Reader!

    1. Yea, I know, I mean, its just a few days…needed to get my whining out, but my point being that I am glad that he IS taking the time he needs for him and making himself a priority. That’s really important and I am glad to see his progress there!

  5. I’m usually the one that leaves too. I mean, not leaves, but is busy with stuff. “I can’t do this, I have to run.” comes out of my mouth way more often than I’d like. It is hard to be on the other side. But like another commenter said, it will make your trip in Jamaica that much sweeter.

  6. So interesting to read this, you being on the other side. Not that you ever doubted it was hard on M when you are in Cali, but to experience it yourself is differnt, makes you treasure M for the patient, caring guy he is THAT MUCH MORE. Not that you didn’t before, but you know what I mean. I am damn impressed with him, that’s a LOT to get done in a week (including his day job!), especially because I know it’s so hard on him to say “no” to you. So cute.

  7. I understand the feeling. I’m always encouraging my boyfriend to develop some friendships here, as he hasn’t really developed many since he moved to Florida in summer 2008. However, I do feel a bit left out when he does hang out with them, especially on the weekends. Since I moved closer to my job, but further from him, we only see each other at the weekend and Wednesdays after Bible study. I have to stop myself from going the “but I haven’t seen you all week! Why couldn’t you hang out with him after work? He lives right by you!” route. It’s hard to share πŸ˜‰

    It helps that I’ve rediscovered running and am immersed in writing/work projects. I can feel grateful that he’s spending time with friends and can get some things done. It also gives him time to miss me. πŸ™‚

    1. Glad you can relate. It is a delicate balance, isn’t it? Glad you are immersing in writing and running too! Absence does make the heart grow fonder πŸ™‚

  8. This is great…it’s great that you let him be and it’s great that he recognizes that need and is taking that time too! Good for you both πŸ™‚ Great communication!!

  9. Excited for your trip. This will also give you time to pack and get a pedicure too! πŸ˜‰

    Very proud of him for stepping up. It will make your time together so much sweeter.

    (And my pms-y self is stomping and whining too. I get it.)


    1. pedicure – check! Definitely need to pack too. I am proud that he’s stepping up (even though he went to bed at 3 am!) and it will make Jamaica even better, you are right. (phew, glad someone ‘got’ the gist of this around PMS being a big part of it, AND that this is all about his progress, I am proud of him!)

  10. This is something I know I am bad about in relationships. When I need my time that is totally fine. But if they need theirs I take it personally. Maybe this next time around (there will be a next time right???) I will be better about it.

    1. YES! I was feeling like that was my problem too…a little bit anyway, but a lot to do with PMS too. I just wasn’t planning on not seeing him all week, but again, I know he needs it, so I am glad he is. (and YES there will be a next time!!)

  11. Hang in there! I actually can’t believe he agreed to go to Jamaica before his thesis defense. If it was me, I would be totally consumed by the thesis and would be rotten company. Don’t be surprised if he brings it with him on vacation – at this point it would be like his security blanket – even if he didn’t work on it, he’d just need to know it was there in case he needed to check something or make a change.

    1. I know, I am too, but I think this was the overly optimistic side of him think he’d be done with it already. He says he is good under deadlines so I guess this is his way of being good under deadlines – pulling 3 am-ers all week leading into our trip. Not the most fun way of doing it, but hey, to each his own, right? πŸ˜‰

  12. It’s a necessary step you gotta get through. Hopefully the next few days go super fast. Enjoy Jamaica! And best of luck to M on April 10th!

  13. I would have felt the same way. It’s never easy when the default mode isn’t the default mode. I’m glad that he set the boundaries that he needed to, though, to prepare for his thesis presentation. xoxo

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