First,thank you all for your kind words, suggestions and support on my post yesterday. It was a tough one to write and to admit, but I feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders just by getting it out there. I really needed to blog it out to sort out what is going on in my mind right now.
Doing a similar post-mortem on yesterday and what I need to do next will help me move forward, change my mindset, and in some ways, come to terms with what I am feeling vs. who I am.
I need to question myself (as T suggested) to get to the root cause of my behavior and why I am feeling this way. I’ve tried this in my mind a few times today (asking myself ‘but why…do you feel this way? but why do you think you need to look like a certain image in your mind etc) and am not coming to much yet, definitively, but one thing is for sure: when a lot of my life feels out of control (new, lack of routine etc), my body is the one thing I have the power to control. And I think that’s lending to some of this anxiety and negative self-image.
I need to accept myself. For who I am. For what I will never be (a size 2…for starters!), and in realizing that perfection is not an option and we are all flawed.
I need to see myself for all that I am, not for all that I am not. And quit comparing myself to others. That’s hugely detrimental. I know this. It’s a bad habit I’ve had for a long time. But it certainly isn’t helping me.
I need to believe in myself, and have faith in myself. In every area but what my body looks like, I have these things. Why does it seem so hard to believe in myself physically? This one is huge for me.
And as Fred DeVito said in tonight’s Core Fusion class (my sister and I blogging that out as we speak…an amazing experience, words can’t even express!), I need to not think, just do.
Driving home from that class tonight, I felt centered, calm and balanced. That feeling I absolutely love. And I felt ready to pick myself up and go forward, not backward, and see myself as I am seen from the outside. I heard Pink’s F*ckin Perfect on my drive home…and some of those lyrics spoke to me. I don’t have to be perfect. Nobody does.
Just be me.