An honest conversation – post-mortem.

Yesterday’s post was difficult for me to write in that I knew with every word, that Friday night’s events were sounding less than awful. Quite normal, in fact.

And, with every word, I was realizing that maybe I was more in the wrong than I thought.

Some of your comments confirmed that.

And some of your comments were exactly what I needed to hear (those confirming that, sure, but moreso, those echoing that honesty is an absolute must, even when it leads to difficult conversations).

What I came away from Friday’s events are a few things:

Honesty and openness are critical to a successful, happy relationship.

However.

There are times to choose your battles and compromise, rather than letting your partner know each and every thing that miffs you. My rule of thumb is going to be…if it will lead to resentment later, spill it. If it’s minor in the grand scheme of things, maybe it’s a time to choose your battles.

It’s not black and white. There are massive gray areas. I’m learning. With each and every day.

I need to accept that sometimes, M’s job will steamroll some plans or take precedence. Not always, but sometimes. He obviously puts up with a lot for my job that takes me 3000 miles away for a week at a time, twice a month, the least I can do is do a better job of accepting that on Friday night, I might not see him till 8 or 8:30. Just keeping that mindset already makes it easier for me. (and knowing that M will and does try his best to shut off come Friday night – unless he’s on call, of course – and we’ll settle into a groove and soon enough, my hope is that this won’t be an issue anymore…for me.)

I never want to remind him of his ex or her tendencies.

However.

I think the pattern of his job and long hours is something worth noting. M even mentioned that. He needs to do a better job shutting off on Fridays. Sometimes it’s easier than others. I want to help him, even if that means just sitting back and silently helping it along by not being a pest about leaving work on time on a Friday. I think I can do that. I know I can.

I stand by what I said on Friday…it was well worth the conversation because it opened up the floodgates more between us. We have a better understanding of each others’ needs and wants more (and peeves…) and are both committed to working on it together.

And to me, that’s the most important thing. That and how much I know he loves me and how very much I love him back. It’s tangible. It’s real. And, well…swoon. He’s the man I was meant to meet.

~~

On another note…tomorrow‘s the big day. I feel ready. I am a little anxious, but I know I can do it. THANK YOU for your pep talk comments. I needed those more than you know.

Game on Tuesday. San Francisco, here I come.

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24 thoughts on “An honest conversation – post-mortem.

    1. You’re right, it is good to see the flip side. Was useful for me to write out. And thanks for the ever-needed ‘it’s in the bag!’ 🙂

  1. Good luck in San Fran, you’re going to do so well with your day with the CEO. With M working in the hospital and all he sees with patients, I’m sure it must be hard to switch off sometimes and unwind, sounds like you’re very understanding about this and you both will work out your way together of dealing with it. From what I’m reading, you guys have one strong communicative relationship.

    1. Thanks Susan. Hopefully today goes ok! As for M and his job…he’s working on shutting off and I just need to support him in that.

  2. You’re doing great, you know….in both your relationship and on the job front. Both of these things are difficult navigate when everything is still so new, but with time, patience and practice, you’ll get there, I just know it. 🙂

    1. Thank you Sunshine! You’re right…STILL new. I still forget that sometimes, on both fronts. Thanks for your ongoing support! As always.

  3. And I thought I was the only one that had these issues. I think it’s our Type ‘A’ personalities. Yup. And our tendencies to analyze…ad often over-analyze every situation. So glad to see how honest and open you are. It will make all the difference.

    1. Yeah, he does put up with a lot which is why I felt worse after for even mentioning it. But like I said, I am glad I did, because it was a conversation we needed to have anyway.

  4. This post shows such growth, sis. I love everything about it. That you can admit that you take some fault in what went down the other night and you know what? It’s ok. We aren’t perfect. We react. It’s human nature, right? Just having that conversation with M was a huge step, you know? You two will find the right work/life balance rhythm soon…it’ll happen with time, promise!

    1. Wow, thank you! I try to be as honest as I can. Sometimes it’s hard to read criticism, though, but it’s usually good advice I need to hear.

  5. How funny; I had almost the exact same thing go through my head yesterday! S came and picked me up and took me to lunch, and his daughter came along. When we were done, he just let me out of the car at my door, and I was silently irritated by that. I know he had to get back because he needed to fix her car so she could get to school, but I was muzzin-fruzzin over it. And I thought about telling him, and then I thought of the adage, “don’t sweat the small stuff.” In the grand scheme of things, it is not a big deal. It really isn’t. He always opens the door for me and does all the right gentlemanly things.

    So I just let it go. And I’m glad I did.

    1. Muzzin-fruzin?! That’s a funny phrase 😉 glad you swallowed it back, since you’re right, not a huge deal, in the grand scheme, right!

  6. I’m glad things are working out. However, I would like to say him comparing you to his ex-girlfriend is a terrible low blow and you should not feel bad or even compare yourself to her. We’re women, some of our tendencies are the same–that doesn’t make us wrong or even alike.

    Anyways, don’t beat yourself up. Good luck to you!

    1. Right, I agree…comparing to exes is bad. M didn’t do that, just the long hours at work complaint is what he’s heard before. Just to clarify. And I think I’m done beating myself up…for now 😉

  7. Sounds like you did quite a good analysis on what upset you and the conversation that you had. My two cents: never wanting to remind M of his ex and her tendencies seems a bit extreme. Even though he loves you more and has let you in more than he did her, I hope that there are some positive qualities that you both share. xoxo

    1. It is extreme, and I don’t think he really did that, which is good. It was more the issue with his hours that sounded familiar. And of course, I need to adjust to that, and I am. Some days are easier than others.

  8. It’s great that you were able to admit that you might have been a little in the wrong. But I still understand your frustration. 🙂

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