Yesterday’s post was difficult for me to write in that I knew with every word, that Friday night’s events were sounding less than awful. Quite normal, in fact.
And, with every word, I was realizing that maybe I was more in the wrong than I thought.
Some of your comments confirmed that.
And some of your comments were exactly what I needed to hear (those confirming that, sure, but moreso, those echoing that honesty is an absolute must, even when it leads to difficult conversations).
What I came away from Friday’s events are a few things:
Honesty and openness are critical to a successful, happy relationship.
There are times to choose your battles and compromise, rather than letting your partner know each and every thing that miffs you. My rule of thumb is going to be…if it will lead to resentment later, spill it. If it’s minor in the grand scheme of things, maybe it’s a time to choose your battles.
It’s not black and white. There are massive gray areas. I’m learning. With each and every day.
I need to accept that sometimes, M’s job will steamroll some plans or take precedence. Not always, but sometimes. He obviously puts up with a lot for my job that takes me 3000 miles away for a week at a time, twice a month, the least I can do is do a better job of accepting that on Friday night, I might not see him till 8 or 8:30. Just keeping that mindset already makes it easier for me. (and knowing that M will and does try his best to shut off come Friday night – unless he’s on call, of course – and we’ll settle into a groove and soon enough, my hope is that this won’t be an issue anymore…for me.)
I never want to remind him of his ex or her tendencies.
I think the pattern of his job and long hours is something worth noting. M even mentioned that. He needs to do a better job shutting off on Fridays. Sometimes it’s easier than others. I want to help him, even if that means just sitting back and silently helping it along by not being a pest about leaving work on time on a Friday. I think I can do that. I know I can.
I stand by what I said on Friday…it was well worth the conversation because it opened up the floodgates more between us. We have a better understanding of each others’ needs and wants more (and peeves…) and are both committed to working on it together.
And to me, that’s the most important thing. That and how much I know he loves me and how very much I love him back. It’s tangible. It’s real. And, well…swoon. He’s the man I was meant to meet.
On another note…tomorrow‘s the big day. I feel ready. I am a little anxious, but I know I can do it. THANK YOU for your pep talk comments. I needed those more than you know.
Game on Tuesday. San Francisco, here I come.