Something I wouldn’t have done before.

“Before” meaning divorce.

Not that I would like to continue to propagate this label or that divorce has been the be-all and end-all for me…but what it has done is continue to be a catalyst for me. A catalyst in comparing the ‘me’ then and the ‘me’ now, of course. And a catalyst, period. I guess at this point, it’s no secret that I don’t hide behind the label of divorce, but I also don’t suffer from it, call it failure or think I’ve been dealt a bad hand.

It was simply what was meant to happen. And learning from an experience like that is just – well – life-altering.

Anyway.

Back to my point.

Something I wouldn’t have done before my divorce?

Well, it’s also no secret that I used to be a ‘frady cat. Scared of my own shadow, practically, at my house, and hating pretty much everything about being alone, especially at home (it didn’t help that our house was broken into a mere 6 months after we bought it. Talk about the feeling of fear and unsafety! This is one of many reasons I barely slept in the 10 months I lived in the house after we separated or stayed with my sister! FEAR!).

Rewind to this morning. I stayed at M’s last night and came home around 6:30 this morning. I went to unlock my front door of my apartment (it’s a townhouse complex, so all the doors are exterior, no buzzers to get into a building and then an apartment door from there) and it was ajar.

Ajar.

As in, open.

My heart dropped to my chest. I stood there for a minute. Was thisclose to fleeing to my car. But I took a deep breath and without a second thought, opened the door as I dialed my sister (just in case…and maybe for moral support!), who didn’t answer. I put my stuff down. Stood still. Listened. My cats trotted toward me, completely normal (figured that was a good sign. Not hiding or scared). I then proceeded to look in every closet, under the bed (even though it’s really far too low to the ground to actually fit anyone underneath!) behind the washer/dryer and in my shower.

Clear.

Sure, I was kind of freaked out, but the main reason I was not as scared was that I was reasoning with myself. Nothing was gone, nothing unkempt. And I also backtracked and realized it was my fault. Last night, I got my mail and shut the door. Didn’t lock it because I was on my way out the door in 5 minutes. Then I decided to take the trash out (the back door), and completely forgot that I had unlocked the front door. Sooo, I basically left the front door unlocked all night long (wind must have shoved it slightly ajar by morning).

And it was fine.

And I was fine.

Not scared (well, a little, but not like, hysterical as I would have been previously, I am pretty damn sure).

My sister even offered to have my brother in law come over and check it out…’just in case.’ I probably would have accepted before. But I was pretty sure it was fine, and throughout the day, I have been here, and all has been completely normal.

It didn’t dawn on me that what I did was somewhat courageous until I told my mom the story when we met for lunch. As I recapped the story, I thought to myself, “Hmm. Guess that was pretty tough to do, huh?”

Sure, it was my fault and I kind of figured that out as I was checking. But still. You never know.

So for that, I am proud. It’s just one step further for me in the courage department. It’s something I wouldn’t have done before.

And that feels pretty bad ass.

 

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35 thoughts on “Something I wouldn’t have done before.

  1. Seriously. I don’t think I would’ve had the balls to walk in. I’m a wimp about that stuff. I fully admit it. Reason 4,756 why I’m so proud of you!! You’ve come damn far.

    1. Thanks sis. I dunno, I guess I just didn’t really second guess it since it *looked* clear. But now that I wrote my post, I kinda wish M was staying over tonight 😉 My imagination tends to run wild and all. Ah well, another day, another challenge, right?

  2. Wow, good for you! Seriously, I’d have hesitated. I probably would have called someone as well, then kicked the door open further, flicked on all the lights and walked very slowly through the house while holding the biggest kitchen knife I could find, lol.

    Good for you!

    1. LOL! This made me giggle. Good thing it was light out, that’s all I gotta say! And the knives were too far away, but good idea I didn’t think of! As if holding my cell phone was a good weapon or something 😉

  3. Wow, this could have been potentially scary, kinda reminds me of StartingOver’s post the other day about the burglaries in her neighborhood. I admit, after I read this I double-checked the deadbolts on both of my doors. But kudos to you for remaining calm, and realizing that what you did the night before left the door not secure. I would have been worried that the cats could have got out! I can’t believe they just stayed in! My mom’s cat would have been out of there.

    1. YES! It did remind me of that post too. Thankfully I have screen doors so even if the door was open, kitties would be okay. And honestly, they have no desire to go outside, so they would probably just have gawked at the door and done nothing 😉

  4. I would have been worried Nala and Kayla would have escaped! But seriously way to go sis! That was very brave! Having lived on my own, you know you just gotta do what ya gotta do. Look at you Miss Independant! I love that, I really do. Makes me so proud! I know you had a right to be scared at your old place but now she have really come into your own! You are badass 😉 xoxoxoxo

    1. I have a screen door, so they were okay anyway. And they don’t care for outside, remember (not like yours!)! Thank you sis. you are so cute, I love your perspective since you were in this position when you were living in FL by yourself. XOXO sis!

  5. You’re certainly not a scaredy cat or anything, well done for being brave. I think that when we are broken into once or even twice, it can put our alarm bells on even. I don’t mind living alone ( I do like living with a guy but while I’m single, I’m happy enough living home alone), I have the alarm on 24/7 but never properly lock the door. Does that make sense? Probably not but it was when we were younger, we never locked any of our doors, even my neighbours don’t look them now .

    1. Yes, having a break-in in the past definitely affects me, even to this day! You have an alarm but don’t lock your door? That’s kind of ironic, huh? 😉

  6. Whew! Yep, I hear you on getting more courageous after divorce. That’s the thing about going through something difficult. It definitely makes you stronger and braver.

    Glad all was ok and you live in a safe area!

    1. Yay for badass-ness 😉 You’re right about that, the media DOES make life feel scarier than it should. And with my imagination, that only compounds it!

  7. Your fault or not, there could have been someone in there. I am proud of you for your new found balls, but next time make sure someone knows what you’re doing! Could you have called M to be on the phone with? Call me a worrier, but that’s what happens when you know a lot of police officers. I’ve heard stories that wouldn’t let you sleep at night!

    1. You’re right, there could have been. If anything looked amiss from the get-go, I wouldn’t have gone in. M was at the gym (and doesn’t bring his cell phone in) so I couldn’t call him and knew my sister was up (but figures, she was showering when I called). And yes, keep the stories to yourself, I’d be skeered if I knew them 😉

    1. LOL! After everyone commenting that they wouldn’t have gone in, I guess I wonder how I didn’t feel more scared. Thank you for calling me brave! I am glad it worked out too, and I will never forget to lock the door again. Bad habit!

  8. I got goosebumps just reading this! I can’t believe you just walked in!!! Wow, you are like my hero. 🙂 My parents live in the middle of nowhere, and I’ve been sleeping on their couch for the past three nights (my nieces have my old room). Every single time the dog barks in the middle of the night, I freak out that someone is about to break in and kill me. Lol.

    1. LOL! I’ll be a hero *and* a bad ass! I’ll take it. That’s so funny about your parents’ house. I remember sleeping on the couch once at home and worrying about the same thing, randomly! What’s up with that, right?!

  9. Wow that is bad ass. Actually that happened to me a few months ago. The moment I saw the door ajar I walked across the street and asked my older, male neighbor to come walk in with me. I told him everything was probably fine but I just didn’t want to be alone while I checked the house. And I totally relate to the being home alone scared thing IN THE PAST. When I moved into my first apartment where I’d live ALONE first year of law school in a small southern town I used to get up several times throughout the night and look out my blinds to see if someone was coming to rob/rape/kill me. After several months when no one had, I got over it. Oh geez, T.

    1. That’s creepy that it happened to you too! Good call on the neighbor 😉 I figured mine would be sleeping (and the unit next to me is vacant right now). Your story about looking through the blinds made me giggle, even though that is a very legit fear! Glad you got over it too.

  10. I came home one day last month and my garage door was completely open! For a minute I wondered if someone had opened it with another automatic remote opener. It totally freaked me out. But nothing was missing, and I realized the likeliest explanation was that I’d just forgot to close it that morning, which was troubling enough.

    Anyway, glad to hear it wasn’t anything serious.

    1. That is troubling too! I’ve never done that before, just so unlike me (helllllo Type A!), but glad I remembered it, or then I may have been very freaked out!

  11. Girl, my heart jumped just reading that. I am a total scaredy cat too. Living alone has been a huge step for me. I sleep with pepper spray on the pillow next to me. I would’ve called someone too. I figure, if I get attacked the person on the other line will know and call the cops! I’m glad everything was okay!

    1. Aw! Glad I am not the only one! It makes a huge difference once you do live alone! You kinda just learn as you go, right? Pepper spray is a good idea though 🙂 Ya never know!

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