I gotta say, I love you guys. The amount of feedback, much of it varying (but some of it similarly themed) to my post yesterday was amazing.
At first, I was hesitant to blog about this and ask for feedback as in the past, when I have, I have had trouble not taking feedback or opinion personally. Or judgmentally. But this time, I wanted to take it all in, without getting myself in a tizzy or worrying what people would say or think. Because this is my blog and I write for me, primarily, and this is my relationship, and only I really know what is best.
Beyond that, what I loved about this post was the takeaways I got out of it:
- It reminded me how lucky I am. Because I know M is by far, one of the best things to happen to me and we have something really special. And it’s worth working at it and seeing it flourish.
- It made me realize just how strong of a self-awareness level I have on what I want in my relationship and in my life and what I am willing to work through and what I am not.
- That ‘too nice’ is subjective and open to interpretation (kinda like ‘happiness is a choice!). My definition is difference than yours and yours may be different than the next person’s, but we all have our limits but the bottom line is, too nice (to me) in terms of M does not mean weak, spineless or a pushover. That, he is not. He is a giver and a pleaser and sometimes he needs to reign that in, I think, to a level that keeps him happy and me, because this is a two-way street.
- My underlying fear of M’s niceness is that he will lose himself or become resentful if this becomes one-sided. That I do not want. That is probably the worst outcome of a ‘too nice’ attitude. And one that is hard to recover from. So my goal is to help him understand that he can say no, that he can ‘have his way’ too and that we can both be happy with a happy medium. He needs this. I need this. We both do. It’s completely doable.
- M’s generosity and niceness is engrained within him and I don’t want to change him. Bottom line.
At the core of our relationship, we have something truly special and what I love is that we are laying the foundation for something longstanding. It’s hard for me to capture the essence of what we are becoming beyond, simply stated, it’s by far, more than I could have ever hoped for, (relatively) soon after divorce. He’s it. We’re it. And as we move out of the ‘honeymoon phase” (month five and counting), I’m actually really looking forward to the bumps in the road because they’ll just make us stronger.
Swoon. Still in effect (as I sit here waiting, mid-snowstorm as he battles his way to spend the next day together snowed in.)