Love *is* terrifying (but not for the reason you think)

But it’s so fun to fall…with each day, to fall more and more in love, and to realize there are “unicorns” out there.

(unicorns aka the eligible man you are looking for that ‘might as well be a unicorn” – a reference I didn’t “get” until reading this post. Side note: am I the only one that didn’t “get” that reference? I kept seeing and wondered!)

I got inspired to write this post after reading such a well-put post from Jessica at City Girls World that love is ‘downright terrifying.” And ya know what? It is. But as she gets to  – and as I agree – it’s worth the leap, but once you have it, the fear of losing it replaces the fear of being alone forever or not finding love or conversely, letting go of the singledom you built up so nicely (check! check! check!).

I could have written this part myself:

The older we get, the more disappointments, hardships, and trials we face. That is not to say the converse isn’t also true. Happiness abounds too. But with time, we become all too aware of the fragility of good fortune. And when it comes to love… well, its never worked before (if you believe “worked” = forever) so why would this time be any different?

We can’t help but wait for that other shoe to drop.

Um, hi, that’s totally what I’ve struggled with, even recently. As scary as falling in love is, it’s all the other ‘stuff’ that comes with it that’s scarier. The shifting routines, the balance, the love that builds so deep that dreams of losing that person pops up and you realize that maybe you were beginning to take him for granted (check…).

What I most love about love – or my love 2.0 as I’d like to refer to it – is that it’s mine to shape. It’s ours to shape. And setting the stage for what it could turn into starts at the beginning.

Releasing bad habits.

Being open, communicative, honest.

Saying no sometimes.

Saying yes sometimes.

All of it.

Own it. Embrace it. Love it. And don’t let it go.

 

 

 

 

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31 thoughts on “Love *is* terrifying (but not for the reason you think)

  1. Um hello? I’ve only been blogging about this fear for a little over a year and a half now. And that was with THIS guy!

    It’s yet another reason it’s better to leave the plans to God and just live (and LOVE!) in the present.

    Enjoy!

    1. LOL! Actually, yes you HAVE been haven’t you?! So, I guess in one way, it’s good to know I’m not alone, and in another, holy crap, I’m always going to feel this way?! 🙂 But yes, living and loving in the present is going to have to be my MUST (and my mantra).

  2. ahhhh… the inspiration you give is priceless… I adore you, your thoughts, your words and just… all that you utter! INSPIRATION… it drips from every word you type! Lady… I never said it @ 150 (though I wanted to), but I feel the need to say it now… you are a much more approachable person since the ‘D’… more than words can even express… and for that I am greatful, I feel I can relate to so much you have to say (which I would never have known)… I am happy I got to know THIS YOU!!

    1. Awww! That was the sweetest! (since the big D!) I’m glad to BE more approachable (even though I wonder why that was before?) and if I can inspire, well, damn, I don’t even know what to say to that. Sometimes I write just to get it out and am amazed at the responses…like this one 🙂

    1. You’re right…skeptics, scars, the works. Hard to believe it’s true and happening…but rather than be skeptical, I need to just embrace it and love the shit out of it, right?

  3. You’re right, sis. Love is frickin scary as hell. It can be ripped away just as quickly as you can fall. But that’s all part of the gamble…which is SO scary since neither of us are the gambling type, least of all with our hearts! But when its right, and you trust that God is leading you the right way, you will never go wrong. This much I know.

  4. Waiting for the other shoe to drop…totally me. But it can’t drop if you don’t let yourself go. Or if you stay in something that will never be.

    Yes, I am, for now, tragically flawed.

    1. I don’t think you are flawed at all. You just see both sides of the coin maybe almost too clearly in this case? Or, just from past experiences, the letting go is almost as hard as realizing you’ve stayed in something that isn’t what it was in the beginning.

  5. I am *terrified* of love right now. Terrified of being let down again … terrified of being disappointed again … terrified of having to do a repeat of my current situation. But I *love* the idea of a Unicorn (I have never heard that before) and I really am hoping to just let the Universe work its magic. Thanks for this reminder!

    1. Okay good, glad I am not the only one who didn’t ‘get’ the unicorn thing! I think the fear of disappointment is biggest the closer the heartbreak was, but eventually, you do realize that the fear and pain and hurt are things you CAN get over (clearly you are proving that too!) and it’s worth the risk for the reward.

  6. i should have “hi, i’m waiting for the other shoe to drop” tattooed on me somewhere, because i always am. it’s only been recently, in this relationship, that i’ve been able to even partially let go of this feeling and trust. but it took loving my best friend – literally – to trust the dynamic all the way. there’s no way i could’ve dated someone without the history we have, even if i’d wanted to, because i wouldn’t have been able to let go. i’d always be waiting for the bad to come in.

    when i was younger, i misheard the old quote “love is a many-splendored thing” as “love is a many-splintered thing.” i think i might’ve accidentally been on to something…

    1. The other shoe to drop fear is huge…probably for all of us in some form or fashion, but I am so glad you let yourself fall in love with your man, because it seems like the best thing in the world for you both. A great fit, like a glove. LOVE that.

  7. I so needed to read this tonight. I’m downright terrified. Yup, I am. LOL. I’m scared of not finding someone and finding that someone all at the same time.

    1. Aww, glad to help…and it is scary, both things, finding love and *not* finding it. But when you find it, it will be worth it, and I KNOW you will!

  8. Yep love is scary and there is always the fear of getting hurt, it not working out etc. Though the benefits of love are wonderful aren’t they. Love these posts.

  9. I’m in should I stay or should I go mode. I’m weighing things. Yes, part of it is that I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop. In my defense, it’s dropped before with him. And part of it is that I worry how much I need to give before I’ve given too much. I worry about how much I’ve had to change before I’ve lost myself. I worry that this is no longer healthy for me.

    Oh, but watching you fall in love…that give me hope.

    1. Sigh. I’m sorry you are dealing with this battle right now, the in-between of things…and I hope you find the balance and decide what is best for you and your family. Hope to catch up soon. XO

  10. I think that it may be more of an appreciation for recaptured love when it’s the second time around. It was such new ground to break the first time around that we’re not as aware of the fragility of it all. And this being the second time at that crossroad, we have the gift of hindsight – what worked and what didn’t, a unique appreciation that we didn’t have the first time.

    Ahhh, but what a gift it is! We now have the book that shows us the better path and all we have to do is fill our heart with commitment to learn from past falls and the wisdom to “Own it. Embrace it. Love it. And don’t let it go”

    Love. Ain’t it grand?

    1. You got it- dead-on. So so true. It is a gift, that hindsight that not everyone has, after love lost (the love that you thought was forever). It makes the next big love much more successful from the outset.

  11. You are so justified in this fear. I am scared constantly of this, and I’m not even close to being in a relationship. I have no doubt that I will find love again. What I doubt is that the love will last. So yeah, great writing! And dreams can really stick with you, can’t they? It’s so weird. I love the ending of this post. Shape your relationship…well said!

    1. Aw, thanks, glad you liked it! I had another bad dream last night, I am not sure what’s going on there, but I think shaping where you want to take your relationship is huge, and it’s easy to look past that chance and not realize you most certainly can – and should – shape it your way…collectively.

  12. I loved that! I don’t think the fear ever goes away though.

    Even if you get married, and truly believe it will alst forever and it will work, I still fear that something will happen, like one of us will die, or he’ll get hurt in an accident or just SOMETHING will happen to take away this happiness, because it just doesn’t seem fair to be THIS happy.

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